Maxi Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Hey guys... so I have a bit of a dilemma. About a week ago my g/f and I were chatting about travel. She said that there is one thing that she regrets doing when she first travelled (long before we were together).. I pushed her to tell me what it was and she said that it was just that she kissed and led a guy on by keeping in contact with him and that he had come to visit her a few months after she cam home... so I left it because that didnt bother me (as Ive done a lot more than that on my travels). The other night she decided that she needed to tell me that this thing she regrets was actually a bit more intimate than just a kiss... and that she feels horrible that she lied to me. It bothered me that she lied to me but I know that it was because she knew I would get upset and it wasnt the best time to tell me.. so I wasnt that worried about it (and I am the last person in the world that should be juudging her). I said that it didnt matter and as long as she isnt contacting him or replying to and saving the emails he still sends her (after 3 years!) its ok - she said this was not the case. However, this morning as I was going to write an email the computer was already logged into her account in which I saw a folder dedicated to this guy with all the emails he had sent her up to a year ago saved in.. This kind of bothered me as she had said that she had kept nothing he has sent her... Its also got me thinking about how truthful she has been to me about everything else. From what she has told me, besides this guy, Im the only other person she has ever been with (and with this guy it was only once). So I was just wondering if I should tell her about it and how annoyed I am or just let it go? It really bothers me now.. but I might get over it in a few days without having to tell her I read through her emails.
Krytie TV Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Just let it go. She came clean voluntarily and you are the one the pushed her to even tell you in the first place. This is small potatoes... worry about things that are important.
oppath Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I'd let this one go. If he pops up, is in the country, and wants to see her, then you have a problem, but it's not like she is trying to be best friends with him and hangs out with him without telling him she is in a relationship. You have nothing to worry about. Sure, not being totally open about her past may annoy you, but everyone has a past. I'm not comfortable talking about mine, not because I am ashamed of anything, but because it's a mixture of pleasure and pain and I'd rather not revisit some of those emotions. She had a fling with a guy, was on the fence, and he probably developed feelings, and he took it hard, and she feels some guilt. You know what? We've all been on both sides of that. It's not a big deal -- even if he does email her -- as long as it's not frequent and as long as he isn't visiting her without you being by her side.
THE THRONE Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 So I was just wondering if I should tell her about it and how annoyed I am or just let it go? It really bothers me now.. but I might get over it in a few days without having to tell her I read through her emails. Speak now and address the issue.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I think you have much deeper issues in your relationship then this. I mean honestly it doesn't sound healthy to keep lying and cheating on each other, then not caring when the other comes clean. Does that affect your relatonship at all? How can you have trust after that? I am honestly not trying to be mean, but if you are saying it doesn't bother you that your gf cheated and lied to you, then your relationships has deeper problems than you realize. You two actually may want to consider having an open relationship if these things occur a lot. Then you wouldn't have lie or come clean to each other about what you did. Just a thought.
HoustonScrewed Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I may be jadded, but I had found one small "white" lie about my ex talking to someone and after two years found out that they had been sleeping together all along. If she is lying about anything RUN FORREST RUN!!!!
Author Maxi Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 I think you have much deeper issues in your relationship then this. I mean honestly it doesn't sound healthy to keep lying and cheating on each other, then not caring when the other comes clean. Does that affect your relatonship at all? Thanks for the post Lauriebell. The situation occured a long time before we even met (about three or four years)... and there has been no cheating in our relationship at all. It was just a conversation that we were having and in the moment she thought it would upset me to tell me.. she came clean like 5 days later (which she didnt have to because it happened a long time ago). I was just saying that I have no reason to be bothered with what occured before we were together because up to when we got together I was quite permiscuios.. and thats why whats in her past doesnt bother me. What bothers me is the fact that she kept these emails from him (altough i saw she had not replied in over a year). I know that this guy was her "first", but I think she should be completely over it and it upsets me that she has kept these emails... especially since we have been dating for a while! - So my confronting would be related to why she has kept the emails when she said she hadnt?
StartingOver07 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 What bothers me is the fact that she kept these emails from him (altough i saw she had not replied in over a year). I know that this guy was her "first", but I think she should be completely over it and it upsets me that she has kept these emails... especially since we have been dating for a while! - So my confronting would be related to why she has kept the emails when she said she hadnt? I'd let it go. She probably didn't tell you because she didn't want to upset you. She may well be "over it" in the sense that she does not want to be with him any more, but that doesn't mean she won't always remember him (hopefully fondly) because he was her first.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I think you have much deeper issues in your relationship then this. I mean honestly it doesn't sound healthy to keep lying and cheating on each other, then not caring when the other comes clean. Does that affect your relatonship at all? Thanks for the post Lauriebell. The situation occured a long time before we even met (about three or four years)... and there has been no cheating in our relationship at all. It was just a conversation that we were having and in the moment she thought it would upset me to tell me.. she came clean like 5 days later (which she didnt have to because it happened a long time ago). I was just saying that I have no reason to be bothered with what occured before we were together because up to when we got together I was quite permiscuios.. and thats why whats in her past doesnt bother me. What bothers me is the fact that she kept these emails from him (altough i saw she had not replied in over a year). I know that this guy was her "first", but I think she should be completely over it and it upsets me that she has kept these emails... especially since we have been dating for a while! - So my confronting would be related to why she has kept the emails when she said she hadnt? Ohhhhhh...sorry i missed the part of this incident with her travels being before you guys got together. Sorry about that. And yeah everything you guys did before you were together has nothing to do with your relationship. Anyway, maybe she doesn't realize that the emails are still on the computer? I mean she may not even look at them at all. I mean I honestly probably still have stuff on my computer from ex bfs (pictures, emails, ect.) that i havn't deleted. I don't look at them at all because I don't care. Did she actually come out and say that he sent her emails and she actually deleted them?
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