brightskies Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) Does anyone here have any experience? I'm not sure if it's just me or the cultural divide --- but I've been seeing this French man and he's confusing me. I'm more accustomed to American men who are easier to read and more open. Do French men usually come on really strong then back the hell off? Edited January 23, 2008 by brightskies
Racquel Colette Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Does anyone here have any experience? I'm not sure if it's just me or the cultural divide --- but I've been seeing this French man and he's confusing me. I'm more accustomed to American men who are easier to read and more open. Or maybe I'm just in denial? Maybe the "he's just not that into you" idea is universal? Absolutely, He's Just Not That Into You is ABSOLUTELY universal, and it ESPECIALLY applies to French men. THE BOOK IS TRANSLATED INTO TONS OF LANGUAGES AND IT IS BELOVED AND UNDERSTOOD THROUGHOUT THE WORLD. IF HE AIN'T A CALLIN, HE JUST IS NOT THAT INTO YOU AND WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD KNOW THAT....AT LEAST I HOPE THEY ARE TRYING TO GET IT. YOU ARE VERY SMART AND PERCEPTIVE TO REALIZE THIS NOW.
corazoncito Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I'm married to a Frenchman. He and most of his friends operate pretty much like American men, except they're all more on the metro side . What's going on that's confusing you?
spookie Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I had an affair with a German. Is that close enough? He was also my roommate, so even though our fling was brief, I got to know him pretty well. Like corazoncito's H, he was metrosexual ; he also had a really annoying sense of humor and his thought process was typically completely devoid of logic. I don't think that was cause he was German, though. I also didn't think he was any harder to read than the typical American male.
corazoncito Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Spookie - Gotta love those metros, right? Do French men usually come on really strong then back the hell off? I dunno. Not the ones I know. They're mostly chasing after women who aren't into them, but that's a whole 'nother thread . But I would guess some do. Some guys (everywhere) are just like that.
Author brightskies Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Hi Racquel, It figures. I finally fall for someone and he runs hot and cold on me. It's frustrating because I've been straightforward with him. Men say they want straight talk but when you give it to them they don't like it? Plus, when I back off, he comes running.tThen when I start warming up to him again, he distances himself. It's like he's bi-polar. He even joked a few times that maybe he's bi-polar or has a chemical problem. There're a couple things going on, but here're some highlights: 1. He has admitted to being depressed and confused due to a career transition ---- he doesn't know what to do with his life right now. 2. He said he needs time to think and clear his head, but he doesn't want to date other people and he doesn't want to break up. 3. He's reluctant to say "I love you" or show the same kind of affection/passion he expressed int he first 2-3 months --- we've only been dating 6+ months --- aren't we still be in the honeymoon phase? Maybe he's just not that into me anymore. And that thought just breaks my heart. He insists that he loves me, but it's not the same, I can feel it. Maybe I've been "emotionally chasing" him too much? Absolutely, He's Just Not That Into You is ABSOLUTELY universal, and it ESPECIALLY applies to French men. THE BOOK IS TRANSLATED INTO TONS OF LANGUAGES AND IT IS BELOVED AND UNDERSTOOD THROUGHOUT THE WORLD. IF HE AIN'T A CALLIN, HE JUST IS NOT THAT INTO YOU AND WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD KNOW THAT....AT LEAST I HOPE THEY ARE TRYING TO GET IT. YOU ARE VERY SMART AND PERCEPTIVE TO REALIZE THIS NOW.
BetrayedMM Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 LOL! That's an ancient seduction technique. Hot and cold. Keeps you guessing, keeps him on your mind, you're supposed to be confused and intrigued. The idea is to generate an urge to 'have' him and prove yourself to be completely focused on him, and keep your mind too busy to be pursuing others.
Author brightskies Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Hi Corazoncito, When we first stated going out he was just so perfect and attentive and loving and warm. Now he runs hot and cold. I posted some highlights above in response to Racquel. We've tried to discuss and he had a few ideas: some days he doesn't know how he feels about ANYTHING, not just about us. He said it could be because of his career insecurity. Or it could be that we had a turbulent vacation/recon trip together --- we had discussed moving together out west. He has also said that he'd been thinking about the relationship more seriously and the idea of more responsibility scares him. We've tried to talk about the "problem" may times and now I'm having trouble separating possible truth from possible excuses. The thing is, I'm also transitioning, but I feel like I'm surer about being together than he. Is it normal for one person to be more in love than the other? 'Cause that sucks. He used to talk about moving away together, building a life together, visiting his parents together, but that changed recently. Now we're supposed to take some time to "think." It's like he wants to be with me but he also wants to run away at the same time. Does that makes sense? I'm married to a Frenchman. He and most of his friends operate pretty much like American men, except they're all more on the metro side . What's going on that's confusing you?
burning 4 revenge Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I had an affair with a German. Is that close enough? He was also my roommate, so even though our fling was brief, I got to know him pretty well. Like corazoncito's H, he was metrosexual ; he also had a really annoying sense of humor and his thought process was typically completely devoid of logic. I don't think that was cause he was German, though. I also didn't think he was any harder to read than the typical American male.His thought process was devoid of logic and he was a German? He must have been Bavarian
Author brightskies Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Hi Trial, He was born and raised in France , moved to the US for high school, did university in Montreal. Now lives in the US. His parents are both native French. They divorced when he was about 15 yrs. old. His mother is in France and his father is in the US and re-married. Apparently, his father had cheated on his mother. His mother was faithful and she seems to still be fond of his father. Does that help? Is he from France or is he from Quebec?
Author brightskies Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Hi Spookie, Well, German is European, might be close enough. The cultural differences didn't faze you? A man is a man is a man? Bummer. I was hoping that might be the key to the problem. I had an affair with a German. Is that close enough? He was also my roommate, so even though our fling was brief, I got to know him pretty well. Like corazoncito's H, he was metrosexual ; he also had a really annoying sense of humor and his thought process was typically completely devoid of logic. I don't think that was cause he was German, though. I also didn't think he was any harder to read than the typical American male.
corazoncito Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Hey Brightskies, It doesn't sound like this is a cultural thing to me. It sounds like he's at a loss for what to do in his life right now about a lot of things. It doesn't sound like he can really deal with having a relationship. I know it doesn't make it feel any better, but this really doesn't have anything to do with you. It's something he's going through, so don't blame yourself for not being attentive enough or too attentive. The timing is just not right. It does make sense what you say about him seeming to want to run away and be together at the same time. I would guess that he realizes he can't do the relationship right now, but at the same time, doesn't want to hurt you. Hence his reluctance to just come straight out and tell you what he wants. He also may be hoping to convince himself he can keep going with the way things are, but that never ends well in my experience. His good intentions will just prolong the stress. I'm sorry this is so hard. I think you should take this time to think about whether you can keep this up, or whether you taking control and making a clean break might not be the best thing for you in the long run. You aren't obligated to wait for him to make up his mind.
Author brightskies Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Hi Betrayed, That's so weird. You'd think he's too old for that kind of game --- I'm in my 20s and he's in his 30s. Ugh. I thought I was wise to that. So, when a guy does this sort of thing, is he just toying with the woman or can he genuinely have feelings for her? He doesn't want me seeing anyone else, he said he just needs some time to think. Am I "wasting the pretty" by agreeing to this "time-out." As of now, we're going to be long-distance, but exclusive. Originally, we were going to move away together. LOL! That's an ancient seduction technique. Hot and cold. Keeps you guessing, keeps him on your mind, you're supposed to be confused and intrigued. The idea is to generate an urge to 'have' him and prove yourself to be completely focused on him, and keep your mind too busy to be pursuing others.
Author brightskies Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) Hi Corazoncito, That makes a lot of sense. I can feel that he cares, but he's unable to give more of himself because of the issues in his own life. He said a few times that he's just numb and confused and depressed about everything. I guess if a person isn't happy with himself, that makes it a lot harder to be happy with someone else? Does this mean that I should just break it off? I tried, but he didn't want it. We were both really emotional and he knows that I care about him. Or should I just go along with this agreed-upon long-distance, monogamous, space thing until either one of us has an epiphany? I know that I'm not obligated to wait for him --- the holding pattern's stressful, not knowing where you really stand, but you know, it's hard to give up on someone you care about. It's that age-old question, how do you know if you should let go and when? It has gotten to the point where I'm running hot and cold too, in reaction to him --- some days I'm sure I want a future with him and other days I'm scared of being hurt and just want out. Hey Brightskies, It doesn't sound like this is a cultural thing to me. It sounds like he's at a loss for what to do in his life right now about a lot of things. It doesn't sound like he can really deal with having a relationship. I know it doesn't make it feel any better, but this really doesn't have anything to do with you. It's something he's going through, so don't blame yourself for not being attentive enough or too attentive. The timing is just not right. It does make sense what you say about him seeming to want to run away and be together at the same time. I would guess that he realizes he can't do the relationship right now, but at the same time, doesn't want to hurt you. Hence his reluctance to just come straight out and tell you what he wants. He also may be hoping to convince himself he can keep going with the way things are, but that never ends well in my experience. His good intentions will just prolong the stress. I'm sorry this is so hard. I think you should take this time to think about whether you can keep this up, or whether you taking control and making a clean break might not be the best thing for you in the long run. You aren't obligated to wait for him to make up his mind. Edited January 23, 2008 by brightskies
Author brightskies Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 :D:D Mmmm. Bavarian cream. His thought process was devoid of logic and he was a German? He must have been Bavarian
BetrayedMM Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 He's a player. As far as age, Haven't you been to a bar or 2? There is no age limit for that. I know a guy in his 50s who has what amounts to a harem. Most of them even know about each other. Amazing to watch. He runs hot and cold.
Author brightskies Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) I hope that's not the case. From what I've observed, he's not flirtatious, tends to keep to himself and is very private. We spend about 95 percent of our time together (which might've contributed to the problem), so there was really no way for either one of us to see other people. In public, he doesn't pretend that he doesn't know me. He holds my hand and stays close. I haven't met his folks yet, but they know about me and he talks to them about me. I also asked him straight out if there was someone else. He said no. How do you know you're being foolish for trusting someone? I haven't seen any indications of player behavior. Unless I've missed something? Those women know about each other? That's crazy. I couldn't sit for that. And he knows it. He knows that if he ever steps out on me I'm gone. He's a player. As far as age, Haven't you been to a bar or 2? There is no age limit for that. I know a guy in his 50s who has what amounts to a harem. Most of them even know about each other. Amazing to watch. He runs hot and cold. Edited January 23, 2008 by brightskies
Nevermind Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 His thought process was devoid of logic and he was a German? He must have been Bavarian Marry me. On-Topic: I don't think it is a cultural difference, just a difficult time in his life. How long have you been together?
BetrayedMM Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Hmmm... since you spend just about all your spare time together, I may be wrong. The rest could be explained by his game working. But, he may just be moody. Yeah, those women knowing about each other is nuts alright. Not that it should matter, but he does deliberately target insecure, unattractive middle aged women who probably just don't think they can get another man. And, at least one time it backfired on him, because one has been stalking him in really creepy ways for years. Others, when they 'find out' dump his lying ass and move on immediately. He doesn't care, he always has others to fall back on. Easy come, easy go I guess. When I asked him how/why he justifies this, he said that women treated him that way until something clicked in his head and he realized he could just do what was done to him. He says he HATES women, yet he spends all his time with women. Ugh.
Author brightskies Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 We've been together almost 7 months. Marry me. On-Topic: I don't think it is a cultural difference, just a difficult time in his life. How long have you been together?
Author brightskies Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Yeah, he has been kind of moody. I'm just trying to give him space. Right now he's visiting his family out of state and I'm trying not to initiate contact while he's away. I figure if he wants to get in touch, he knows where to find me. No use chasing someone who keeps running away, right? So that player guy isn't happy. He's just kind of settling for women he wouldn't normally want and trying to exact some kind of revenge on them for someone else's cruelty. What a way to live. After a while that would depress me. Hmmm... since you spend just about all your spare time together, I may be wrong. The rest could be explained by his game working. But, he may just be moody. Yeah, those women knowing about each other is nuts alright. Not that it should matter, but he does deliberately target insecure, unattractive middle aged women who probably just don't think they can get another man. And, at least one time it backfired on him, because one has been stalking him in really creepy ways for years. Others, when they 'find out' dump his lying ass and move on immediately. He doesn't care, he always has others to fall back on. Easy come, easy go I guess. When I asked him how/why he justifies this, he said that women treated him that way until something clicked in his head and he realized he could just do what was done to him. He says he HATES women, yet he spends all his time with women. Ugh.
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