IM5150 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum. I'm not really looking for advise because I've practically heard it all from another forum that I joined that seems to be mostly of members that have been cheated on and I get called many names over there. Who knows might happen here to. [FONT=Arial]So a bit about myself. I’m in my mid 30’s. I have a great family. Great wife and 2 daughters. I couldn’t ask for a better wife. We’ve been married for about 10 years now. For the most part it’s been pretty good. Just recently about 5 months ago something happened that has turned my world around but let’s back up a bit and start from the time I met my wife. It wasn’t an instant attraction. I mean she was cute, shy, smart, and a very nice person. I consider myself good looking, love ladies, a player in my good ole days. Well anyways, we started hanging out and doing things together, the relationship continued for 5 years and we got married. Did I get married for all the right reasons? Maybe, maybe not. You see, I don’t think I’ve ever had a strong physical attraction to my wife, don’t get me wrong she’s a pretty girl but the type that likes wearing sweats all the time and takes 5 minutes with her makeup. Also, her personality is very passive. She’s shy, doesn’t like confrontation, rarely speaks up and just goes with the flow. I like to live on the edge a bit more, always have, I drive a fast sports car and like to take risks. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]About 2 years ago I got into something that would begin to change my life. I’ve always been into photography and ended up by my first professional camera. Not long after I attended some networking events which brought me close to the modeling world. I got hooked. Now, 2 years later I’m enjoying a career as a professional photographer. All I shoot are women. I’ve shot nudes, Bikini, Lingerie, glamour, you name it. My images have been in many men’s magazines. I’ve shot swimsuit calendars for famous teams etc. It took my wife some getting use to but she said that if this is what I enjoyed and I became successful then she fully supports me. I thank her for that. For mostly 2 years it’s been really fun. I respect all the women that I work with and I had never thought about going beyond a professional attitude with any of them. I never once tried to pick up on any of them. Other photographer friends would say, hey man, the inevitable will eventually happen, I always thought , nah , not me, the girls are beautiful and young, what would they want with me?[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]About 5 months ago, the inevitable DID happen. A model that I worked with gave me a kiss. Hmm, I thought. This is weird. She kissed me. Maybe she thinks this is normal in this industry. I was confused and I asked a couple of friends if they thought this was normal. Most said no, it’s not normal. After that kiss, we worked together on a few more projects and the friendship began to grow.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I started learning things about this girl that oddly enough began to attract me to her. I couldn’t believe some of things that would attract me. Let’s start by, she a dancer at a bikini bar. She has a dark side. Likes the night. Horror movies, gothic stuff, blood. She can be evil at times. Has many fetishes. Likes light bondage. I never thought in a million years I would be attracted to this stuff until she started treating me like one of hers.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I found myself wanting to spend more and more time with this OW. There was so much excitement that I had never experience with anyone before. It’s like your high on drugs! We walk into places and everyone stares at her she’s so beautiful. Her jeans ripped everywhere, her hair beautifully crafted, her body chiseled to perfection. I always think, why me? Why did she pick me? Such a contrast from my married life that I was completely consumed. Powerless. She injected her venom in my and now it runs throughout my veins.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Fast forwarding to today. Believe it or not but we haven’t had sex. We both feel that we do not want to take it to that level because I’m married. She doesn’t want to be the home wrecker and I am not sure that I could live with that dark secret. The most we’ve done was kiss and just recently we slept in the same bed together but we didn’t do anything, just cuddled and slept.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Just recently we were at a show together and all hell broke loose. I went with her to a bar and halfway through the night while I was with another friend listening to music, a guy approached her, exchanged some words and they went to the bar where he bought her a drink. She was already pretty drunk that night and continued drinking the rest of the night. She never came back to me that night, I could notice them at the bar, not kissing or anything, just talking. Then it happened, I asked my friend to get her since we were leaving, I look over and they are kissing. Wow, a sudden pain in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t believe what I just saw.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]On the ride back to the hotel where OW, my friend, and I were staying I did not talk to her. She tried getting my attention but I didn’t say anything. When we got back to the room we began the talk, my friend right in the middle of this. The talk grew louder and louder. She began insulting me. Why? Because I told her that I was upset at what she did. She said that she did nothing wrong and that the relationship between me and her was just a friendship. She treats all her very close friends the same way. I didn’t believe that for a second. I told her we are having an affair and she lost it. She went psycho! She slammed doors, pushed me almost knocking me down and stormed out of the hotel room. She is trying to deny the fact that she’s been involved in an affair. Her parents divorced and she does not want to cause this to anyone else. I guess she believes in karma. Then she tells me how can I be doing this? I’m thinking with my dick. Do I think it’s right that if we had sex I could just wipe my penis off and go back to your wife an kids like nothing ever happened? She basically made it sounds like this was all my fault.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]The night ended by me calming her down. We hugged and cried on each other saying that we would help each other out through this. We went back in the hotel and went to sleep. She stayed back for a couple more days for a photo shoot and I came back with my friend. Not knowing what the outcome would be or if I would ever speak to her again. She get’s back today. She called. Asking if I wanted to see the pictures from her photo shoot. My mind racing, the angel in me (fighting a losing battle) says don’t do it. Now is your chance to leave. Not only is it wrong what your doing but she “cheated” on you. How ****ed up is that. Then the devil says, if you say no now, you might never ever ever see her again! All the good times, all the highs, all the sexual passes, gone forever. Well, the devil wins again. I told her I would come by to look at her pictures. Im’ sure this will just be a friendly meet but heck, I can’t even say no to this. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I’m not sure how long this will go. I need to get out before my wife catches on. I don’t want this to ruin me but the temptation is sooo overpowering. It’s winning. I’m losing.[/FONT]
BetrayedMM Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Knock it off. You know it's wrong, and you know she's nuts. Just go NC right now and be done with it. Then man up and tell your wife. She has a right to know. Stop trying to hide yourself from her. You are building a wall between yourself and her, and now there is a ghost in your bed. Exorcise the ghost. Tear down the wall. Sorry, I know you didn't want to hear that, but that would be the easiest way to solve your problems.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Now you see what kind of a woman this OW is! She isnt into you the way you want... you should understand that. That is not something you can change right now. Your in the friendzone... and she doesnt sound like someone worth persueing. Go home to your wife. Never talk to this OW again. You and I both know she is a better woman in every regard.
norajane Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) I don’t want this to ruin me but the temptation is sooo overpowering. It’s winning. I’m losing. No, "it's" not winning. You are allowing yourself to act on your temptation. You're right that you're losing, though. This is what you're already losing: I have a great family. Great wife and 2 daughters. I couldn’t ask for a better wife. We’ve been married for about 10 years now. For the most part it’s been pretty good. Keep it up and you'll soon be a divorced dad. Is that what you want? Edited January 23, 2008 by norajane
Elilmomma Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I just have one thing to say as someone who has been both the cheated on and the cheater "get out now" before you go way too far it's now worth it.... it's gonna do more damage than good. Once you have dirt in your relationship it never goes away.
whichwayisup Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I know you didn't go looking for "it" to happen, but I have afew questions for you. Didn't you just think to yourself, "I'm married and it's just wrong of me to kiss another woman?" Once you realized what was going on, didn't the bells go off in your head that what you were doing was wrong? I mean, if your wife was kissing another man, I'm sure it would devastate you.. Anyway, you need to end it with the OW and focus on your marriage. Get another photographer to work with her, you can't be around her anymore. Remember your marriage vows, your promise to your wife. By allowing feelings to grow and have a 'special' friendship with this woman will only lead you down a path that eventually will make you LOSE everything that you have in life right now. A stable home for your children. Love, faith and trust your wife has in you - ALL gone because you're having an affair. The OW will fall deeply for you, making it harder for you to keep up the lies, let alone confuse you...You'll be torn between two women. Torn for your kids... End it now with the OW and get some counseling, talk to your wife and hopefully you can rebuild your marriage again.
justice Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 You need to go no contact with the OW right now. She's this crazy now, wait til you get in deeper and then decide you want out, she'll run to your wife and do much more harm than you could ever imagine. Trust me I know, I was the one on the recieveing end of a crazy azzed OW like that. I'm now divorced because of it too. Please, either end it with the OW or end it with your marriage, things are about to get fatal attraction for you if it goes further. Trust me, this is something you just do not want, EVER.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 About 5 months ago, the inevitable DID happen. A model that I worked with gave me a kiss. Hmm, I thought. This is weird. She kissed me. Maybe she thinks this is normal in this industry. I was confused and I asked a couple of friends if they thought this was normal. Most said no, it’s not normal. After that kiss, we worked together on a few more projects and the friendship began to grow. I started learning things about this girl that oddly enough began to attract me to her. I couldn’t believe some of things that would attract me. Let’s start by, she a dancer at a bikini bar. She has a dark side. Likes the night. Horror movies, gothic stuff, blood. She can be evil at times. Has many fetishes. Likes light bondage. I never thought in a million years I would be attracted to this stuff until she started treating me like one of hers. Is it just me or does this read like one of those letters in Penthouse? Mr. Lucky
TMCM Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Is it just me or does this read like one of those letters in Penthouse? Mr. Lucky Possibly but when it comes to infidelity I've learned - from my own personal experience as well as others - that truth is stranger than fiction.
Totally Confused Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) First off, you need to look at the big picture. You need to differentiate love from infatuation. I don't doubt you have strong feelings for the model. When you're with one person for a long time, it's natural to want to explore other opitons, personalities...etc. There are so many incredibly interesting, amazing people out there. To stay with one person for your entire life is very difficult, and for some people takes a lot of strength and struggle. For certain people and types of personality...it's a no brainer. The fact that your even struggling with this, shows that you're very torn and very human. You love your wife, want to do the right by her and the children, yet you have a strong infatuation for this model. She represents everything your wife isn't. They are extreme opposites. It can be very exciting and make you feel alive again. You've discovered a certain side to yourself that you didn't even know existed. From what I can see, these are the facts. This model is well aware that you are married with children, yet she is still coming onto you using the friendship line. There is a bit of her that likes knowing you want her and she can temp you away from your wife. She's not in love with you, but yet still is playing with your mind. That is a bit evil in itself, especially knowing that children are involved. She's being a bit selfish. Since this model won't walk away, because really she has nothing to lose, you're going to have to be the adult and look at the bigger picture. 1. Stay with the model and chance losing your wife, who will most likely never forgive you. Now this model is all yours. Look 10 years into the future with the model. Is this model your soulmate? iWill she stand by you through thick and thin. When you're an old man, will she hold your hand and take long walks with you. Is she your best friend? Was she worth risking losing your wife and children over. Now your wife is free to move on a find love with someone else. Will you be ok with this? Is this something that sounds worth it to you? 2. Talk to your wife. Tell her that there's something missing in your marriage that you feel you two may need to work on. Granted she's passive and quiet, but she's just as comfortable as you are and won't make a move until the boat is rocked....so tell her the truth about all that you're feeing...even the other woman. I wouldn't go into depth about the other woman (no need to hurt your wife needlessly), but try to discover your wife again. Do something different with each other and explore something new together. Also, marriage counceling. Whatever you decide, just keep the kids in mind. They're your #1 priority. Don't leave a good thing just because of an infatuation. I don't doubt you've bonded with the model, but she doesn't sound pure of heart. If she cared about you and had any concern for a man with children and a wife, she'd let you go. A woman who plays with a married man, doesn't have respect for the sanctity of marriage. I will also make one prediction. If you do end up losing yourself and cheating with the model...and you do lose your wife. I can guarantee you will be more miserable than you could ever imagine. You will lose all your feelings for the model as soon as your wife sheds her first tear and walks out the door for good. The model isn't worth it. Think while you're still ahead. Edited January 23, 2008 by Totally Confused spelling mistakes and additions.
cj1988 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Dude, listen to yourself....you got mad at a woman that is NOT your W for what you called cheating on you.....you are messed up bad. How would you feel if your W was doing this behind your back. Although you have not slept together, would you call it cheating if your W were doing the same, YES ! This would break your heart in a million peices as it would hers......you need to get the h--- out of fairy tale land and go home ! This OW is crazy and you are a freakin toy, is your marraige worth YOU being her whatever she wants at the moment. You are married she is beautiful, she will never be yours and you will never be hers, so what are you doing? You are playing with dynamite and are going to get blown up real soon !
jmargel Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 IM150, I am not going to judge you or insult you. I hope the other members here are mature enough not to follow the footsteps of the previous board you were on. You came here for advice, and advice you will get. Though we are not in your footsteps and don't feel the emotions that you feel what we can do is give you a bigger picture of the whole situation. You have to think to yourself, where is this going in the next few years? If you leave your wife and go with this OW, what will your life be like? Will it be filled with insecurity and doubt on her love for you? Do you really know her past? How stable is her personality and feelings? How will your wife cope with this, and more importantly how will your daughter cope? You would be giving up SO much for something that is so uncertain. The rush, the fast life will wear off. It just happens later for others like yourself. Life only gets boring with your partner if you let it, and honestly I think that's what you did. You found it in someone younger, someone who's into the fast life. But guess, what.. Even this OW will eventually settle down and come back down to earth. The trust your wife has for you is amazing. Most women wouldn't even think of letting their husbands in that field. I must admit from your post your wife is one classy broad and most men would consider themselves blessed to have a wife like that. To throw that away, is just so stupid. If you want to break this drug this OW has you in, the best cure possible is to see a counselor and to talk to your wife. Your wife has the antidote to this woman. Right now you are in an emotional affair, however I think you are more into the fast life she leads, and not her as a person. And the OW is right, she didn't cheat on you. She has no loyalty to you, however you do have a loyalty to your wife which you are betraying. All I know is that you are playing russian roulette, and sooner or later you are going to have that bullet in the chamber. It's so much easier to get through an affair if you tell your wife about it, before her finding out on her own, in which she will one day. Whatever you do, don't have sex with this woman, you have no clue where she's been or what she has. To bring that home to your wife is the ultimate disgrace. You also have to think about your wife, she is living a life of a lie. You are denying her the right to live a happy life due to what you are doing. My aunt found out about her husband's affair after he died, and the 30 years they were together is now a sham. He was the model husband, and she thought her best friend as well. She can't locate the OW and of course she can't ask him any questions. Don't let this happen to your wife. I think you know what the right thing to do is, you just need help on how to get there.
feelingtorn Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 i normally don't give out advice, but your story got my attention. I know it's VERY HARD, but try to stay away from OW. I also was attracted to OM who was the opposite of my H. I thought it was love at first sight, but it really wasn't at the end. Unlike my OM, your OW sounds like someone who could go psycho on you and your family when A goes sour. Unless you are ready to risk your job, your family, and everything you've work so hard to build up, go nc. Best wishes.
torranceshipman Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Dude, you sound like a 15 year old-get a grip. I think if you lost your W, who sounds awesome, you'd go into meltdown. Think of it this way, you can have the (psycho) model, but at a price - the price is, you lose your lovely W, family, home, security. Could you handle that? No...not a chance in hell...you'd pine for her forever...I bet this little A of yours is only exciting cause you are completely taking for granted the great home life you have - and that you can go back to every night. If you had nothing but the model, I bet you'd hate your life with her...mostly because she sounds nuts but also because your W sounds so lovely and you probably wont ever meet another girl that sweet again (in fact you'd be 'that guy' i.e. older divorced guy who hits on the bikini models-not lovely family man-and you don't want to be 'that guy' - tragic!).
jj2007 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum. I'm not really looking for advise because I've practically heard it all from another forum that I joined that seems to be mostly of members that have been cheated on and I get called many names over there. Who knows might happen here to. [FONT=Arial]So a bit about myself. I’m in my mid 30’s. I have a great family. Great wife and 2 daughters. I couldn’t ask for a better wife. We’ve been married for about 10 years now. For the most part it’s been pretty good. Just recently about 5 months ago something happened that has turned my world around but let’s back up a bit and start from the time I met my wife. It wasn’t an instant attraction. I mean she was cute, shy, smart, and a very nice person. I consider myself good looking, love ladies, a player in my good ole days. Well anyways, we started hanging out and doing things together, the relationship continued for 5 years and we got married. Did I get married for all the right reasons? Maybe, maybe not. You see, I don’t think I’ve ever had a strong physical attraction to my wife, don’t get me wrong she’s a pretty girl but the type that likes wearing sweats all the time and takes 5 minutes with her makeup. Also, her personality is very passive. She’s shy, doesn’t like confrontation, rarely speaks up and just goes with the flow. I like to live on the edge a bit more, always have, I drive a fast sports car and like to take risks. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]About 2 years ago I got into something that would begin to change my life. I’ve always been into photography and ended up by my first professional camera. Not long after I attended some networking events which brought me close to the modeling world. I got hooked. Now, 2 years later I’m enjoying a career as a professional photographer. All I shoot are women. I’ve shot nudes, Bikini, Lingerie, glamour, you name it. My images have been in many men’s magazines. I’ve shot swimsuit calendars for famous teams etc. It took my wife some getting use to but she said that if this is what I enjoyed and I became successful then she fully supports me. I thank her for that. For mostly 2 years it’s been really fun. I respect all the women that I work with and I had never thought about going beyond a professional attitude with any of them. I never once tried to pick up on any of them. Other photographer friends would say, hey man, the inevitable will eventually happen, I always thought , nah , not me, the girls are beautiful and young, what would they want with me?[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]About 5 months ago, the inevitable DID happen. A model that I worked with gave me a kiss. Hmm, I thought. This is weird. She kissed me. Maybe she thinks this is normal in this industry. I was confused and I asked a couple of friends if they thought this was normal. Most said no, it’s not normal. After that kiss, we worked together on a few more projects and the friendship began to grow.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I started learning things about this girl that oddly enough began to attract me to her. I couldn’t believe some of things that would attract me. Let’s start by, she a dancer at a bikini bar. She has a dark side. Likes the night. Horror movies, gothic stuff, blood. She can be evil at times. Has many fetishes. Likes light bondage. I never thought in a million years I would be attracted to this stuff until she started treating me like one of hers.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I found myself wanting to spend more and more time with this OW. There was so much excitement that I had never experience with anyone before. It’s like your high on drugs! We walk into places and everyone stares at her she’s so beautiful. Her jeans ripped everywhere, her hair beautifully crafted, her body chiseled to perfection. I always think, why me? Why did she pick me? Such a contrast from my married life that I was completely consumed. Powerless. She injected her venom in my and now it runs throughout my veins.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Fast forwarding to today. Believe it or not but we haven’t had sex. We both feel that we do not want to take it to that level because I’m married. She doesn’t want to be the home wrecker and I am not sure that I could live with that dark secret. The most we’ve done was kiss and just recently we slept in the same bed together but we didn’t do anything, just cuddled and slept.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Just recently we were at a show together and all hell broke loose. I went with her to a bar and halfway through the night while I was with another friend listening to music, a guy approached her, exchanged some words and they went to the bar where he bought her a drink. She was already pretty drunk that night and continued drinking the rest of the night. She never came back to me that night, I could notice them at the bar, not kissing or anything, just talking. Then it happened, I asked my friend to get her since we were leaving, I look over and they are kissing. Wow, a sudden pain in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t believe what I just saw.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]On the ride back to the hotel where OW, my friend, and I were staying I did not talk to her. She tried getting my attention but I didn’t say anything. When we got back to the room we began the talk, my friend right in the middle of this. The talk grew louder and louder. She began insulting me. Why? Because I told her that I was upset at what she did. She said that she did nothing wrong and that the relationship between me and her was just a friendship. She treats all her very close friends the same way. I didn’t believe that for a second. I told her we are having an affair and she lost it. She went psycho! She slammed doors, pushed me almost knocking me down and stormed out of the hotel room. She is trying to deny the fact that she’s been involved in an affair. Her parents divorced and she does not want to cause this to anyone else. I guess she believes in karma. Then she tells me how can I be doing this? I’m thinking with my dick. Do I think it’s right that if we had sex I could just wipe my penis off and go back to your wife an kids like nothing ever happened? She basically made it sounds like this was all my fault.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]The night ended by me calming her down. We hugged and cried on each other saying that we would help each other out through this. We went back in the hotel and went to sleep. She stayed back for a couple more days for a photo shoot and I came back with my friend. Not knowing what the outcome would be or if I would ever speak to her again. She get’s back today. She called. Asking if I wanted to see the pictures from her photo shoot. My mind racing, the angel in me (fighting a losing battle) says don’t do it. Now is your chance to leave. Not only is it wrong what your doing but she “cheated” on you. How ****ed up is that. Then the devil says, if you say no now, you might never ever ever see her again! All the good times, all the highs, all the sexual passes, gone forever. Well, the devil wins again. I told her I would come by to look at her pictures. Im’ sure this will just be a friendly meet but heck, I can’t even say no to this. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I’m not sure how long this will go. I need to get out before my wife catches on. I don’t want this to ruin me but the temptation is sooo overpowering. It’s winning. I’m losing.[/FONT] OMG! You are upset with OW for cheating on you?! What about the part where you are cheating on your wife! You say you couldn't ask for a better wife well you are going to be without her if you continue to do this. You know what you are doing and you know the consequences. Be a man and let this OW go. Then tell your wife how selfish you have been. Good luck and start thinking with your big head instead of your little one!
Owl Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 If you don't want advice...what's your point in posting here? What are you looking for?
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