bigmanpayne Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 obviously i can't tell my whole story right here in this post, but i can do my best to clue you into my situation. my wife left my kids and I a few weeks ago but i still have feelings for her and consider her to be family. i have the kids and she rarely sees them. i posted something about how i am dealing with this situation in the coping section. anyway, she is messing around with a guy she works with, and he doesn't like kids so she cant have her kids with her if she wants to be with him. i know that makes her a horrible person, but she is a good person and a great mother otherwise. that doesn't sound right, but it is true. she has had some issues in the past (molestation, rape, depression, very low self esteem) and he is taking advantage of that. he doesn't care for her, he keeps her around for something to do when his real girlfriend is busy. it is sad. i love her. i think she needs help and i want to help her but somehow i feel like i am supposed to just not care. i am supposed to move on and just raise my kids and not care if she is being used or not. i confronted this man before, he backed down (actually there was no violence, but he was so scared of me just speaking to him he hid behind a 70 year old man), and she returned home and everything was OK for about 3 months. she is trying hard to keep him in the dark about my knowledge of their relationship again. now for some reason she is back doing the same thing and i am left with the kids wondering about our home, bills, and the mental state of our children. if he finds out that i know what is going on he will leave her alone, but that wont solve the problem because she will be so mad at me that she wont see the kids or speak to me for at the very least 2 weeks. after those 2 weeks everything will go back to normal, great mother, great wife, back to great life. i don't want to be the one who ends it, because they are grownups and it is really not my place, even though i hate to see her in a situation like this and this relationship she is in hurts my kids in unimaginably ways. my kids love her, and as i said, when she is home and taking care of them, there is no better mother. somehow being with this other man makes her feel important, gives her confidence and that is hard for me or even our kids to compete with. With all that being said i still want to help her. i talk to her mother all of the time about how we all can best help her. I want her to know that it is OK to do what she is doing (she is a grown woman after all) just as long as she takes care of her children who she loves, and who loves her. i don't know if i am right for still loving her and wanting to help her. i don't know the best way to help her and help myself while looking out for the best interest of our kids. i want to step in, make him leave her alone so that she can be a better mother (after her 2 weeks of madness). if she was my sister i would have already spoken my piece. what am i to do? i also don't want to actually break up or divorce, but that part of the story is for another time. i am so weak when it comes to her, yet very strong otherwise. should i break up her relationship? what should i do? how do i deal with my kids depression and worries? give me advice if you have it.
Nomad1 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 You are a very kind and generous man. You say that your wife is a good mother. What? Left her children in the pursuit of her own selfish goal to sleep with another man! I think that because of your love for her you are not seeing things as objectively as outsiders may see them. I would divorce her and change the locks to the house. If she wants to see her children then she needs to agree to formal arrangements and stick to them. Perhaps this might just bring her back to her senses. Take care man. Nomad1
Author bigmanpayne Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 You are a very kind and generous man. You say that your wife is a good mother. What? Left her children in the pursuit of her own selfish goal to sleep with another man! I think that because of your love for her you are not seeing things as objectively as outsiders may see them. Nomad1 i mean that when she is at home she is great. when she is with them she is great. she does take care of them and love them when she is there. of course when she is gone it is for selfish reasons
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