richardcruz Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Guys please help..I need your opinion on this matter. I short my ex of one year dumped me about two months ago. Actually at first she was saying that she needed time and all that other stuff..than after a month she said she had already made up her mind and that she didn't have feelings for me. If your not familiar with my story, here it is.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t141326/?highlight=dying+inside anyway its my bday today an I feel absolutely horrible. I havent received any call or text from her yet. Its 2:19 pm right now so the day isn't over but im already fearing the worst. How could she not call or text me even on my birthday. Even my other friends texted my at midnight..but nohing from her yet. I just can't comprehend how she can be that downright cold and just pretend like I never existed.. I feel so frustrated because its not like I can call her and be like "um hey, its my bday today." I just dont know what I'm going to do if she doesn't try to get into contact with me today. I can't grasp how she can be that selfish after everything I've done for her. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Well she's your ex, the relationship is over. I'm not sure why you're expecting her to call or text you, that's not something exs do. She's doing the right thing, not being selfish. You're clearly not over her and her making contact would probably stir up drama. Try not to think about her, go out with friends and enjoy your birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Well, happy birthday! But why would you expect your ex to contact you on your birthday or any day? She is an ex. The relationship is done. Please don't call her! Link to post Share on other sites
Author richardcruz Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 I have been NC now for the past 12 days.. but before that she would text me.. I just thought maybe just maybe she would at least have the deceny to at least do that.. I don't know, I feel like calling her and trying to say something that will fix things, maybe she'll agree since it is my birthday. I feel that she has completely forgotten about me. What are the chances that she'll comeback after she doesn't even call me or text me on birthday. I don't think she'll ever come back after that. Link to post Share on other sites
Freddy Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Happy Birthday! I know how hard today can be, so don't stay home and go out or something if you don't already have a party planned. Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 What are the chances that she'll comeback after she doesn't even call me or text me on birthday. I don't think she'll ever come back after that. I doubt she's forgotten about you. But contacting her in any way right now will only hurt your chances. The more you're happy without her, the better the odds. Maybe some birthday bunnies will cheer you up! :bunny::bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author richardcruz Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 It just completely doesn't feel that way. I feel like the more time that goes by, the easier it will be for her to let go of our memory. You know the whole 'out of sight, out of mind.' How will she know I'm happy when we don't even speak or have mutual friends. Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 This is the point.. who cares if she knows or not. You want to be happy for YOURSELF! Trust me man.. you're better off not having her call you to wish u Happy Birthday, which would in turn mess with your head. She's knows you're taking the breakup hard, so she doesn't want to lead you on with any contact. She broke up with you man... she's gone... AND she's young.. she most likely has begun dating already.. or has someone else in mind.. girls that age do that...so what you need to do is try your hardest to take the focus off her, and to yourself Think about it. Would u wish Happy Birthday to an ex that you dumped recently, and you knew she was taking it hard?? Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Look. I'm not trying to be harsh, but I would take it to mean she is trying to send you a message by not contacting you on your birthday. Do your best to find other things (and people) to occupy your time and thoughts today. It may be difficult, but it is a step in the right direction to heal yourself. Oh. And if she's been texting you the last 12 days of your "No Contact," then it hasn't really been No Contact. I think it might be best for you to set some strict NC rules and stick to them with her. Then you will be less likely to backslide. Good luck, and Happy Birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
miami45uconn Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I wouldnt know what to think if i were you either. It has been about a month of NC for my ex and I and weve been broken up for almost 2 months. She changed her number and all so there would be no drunk dials or whatever you want to say or random texts when im breaking down. I know its hard when you dont tlak to the person because you then start assuming or imagining things of what they think or feel, well thats atleast what its like currently for me. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I know its hard when you dont tlak to the person because you then start assuming or imagining things of what they think or feel, well thats atleast what its like currently for me. I've been through all kinds of break-ups over the years, and I have NEVER found it productive or valuable to waste time wondering what my exes are thinking or feeling. If our thoughts and feelings truly mattered, we would still be together and not exes, right? That's especially true if they were the one to break up with you. The only thought or feeling that matters is they wanted to break up with you and so they did. Link to post Share on other sites
miami45uconn Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Yeah i didnt mean to make it sound like its productive im just saying its sometimes hard to control your thoughts when they are so overwhelming. Link to post Share on other sites
trulysomething Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Just wanted to say Happy Birthday Richard! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Yeah i didnt mean to make it sound like its productive im just saying its sometimes hard to control your thoughts when they are so overwhelming. Yes, and that's why I shut down those thoughts as soon as I catch myself having them. I literally tell myself to "shut it down. HE chose this." Link to post Share on other sites
Racquel Colette Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I'm sorry, but the cold hard truth of the matter is that when someone breaks up with you, they are telling you they don't want you in their lives anymore. That includes texting and calling for birthdays. Move on, this should not be a big deal since she is your ex. If she was your girlfriend and she is not contacting you on your birthday than that is a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
e.clipse Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 i think nj is right: it's not worthwhile nor practical to spend your time worrying or wondering what your is feeling, thinking, or doing. you sitting there by yourself immersed in thoughts of her or the past two of you will not make her call you or text you or wish you a happy birthday, so it really is a waste of time--and one that hurts. today is your birthday. take that to mean that out of the 365 days of the year, today is your day and so you should spend it as happily possible with yourself and with the people who did take the time to send you warm wishes. i don't think you should resent or hold a grudge against her if she doesn't call you though. by your previous posts, it seems to me that you are still pulling for a reconciliation, and if that is what you really want, then all you have to do is wait things out. maybe she is not calling you in an effort to reinforce that she no longer wants you in your life. then again, maybe she is thinking about you, remembering that it is your birthday, feeling a bit sad herself, but choosing not to call so as to not possibly upset you on your day. it could be either or something in between, but no one but her really knows. my guess is that she hasn't forgotten you or your birthday, but is opting not to call in an attempt to leave things as they are. memories are not things that can be erased overnight. the saying "out of sight, out of mind" also seems silly to me because if it were true, then there wouldn't be so many broken hearts that need healing months after a breakup. these things take time and effort. that said, if you two make-up some time, then it won't matter whether she contacted you on your birthday, valentine's day, christmas or any other special date. after all, love is not a date and it can happen, rekindle, or disappear on any given date. so, there is still a possibility, but i suggest that today (and everyday hereafter) you focus more on your actuality, when in comes to her. happy birthday, btw. i hope you allow yourself some happiness today. Link to post Share on other sites
so_sad Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Happy Birthday! I know how you're feeling. My birthday was last month, and my ex fiance didn't call, text, or email a word. And we had spoken for about an hour the day before...I thought it was unbelievably harsh at the time, but it actually helped me realize that our relationship is over. It's the worst feeling in the world, though, so I really sympathize with what you're going through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author richardcruz Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 yeah i guess she doesn't really want me in her life anymore apparently because I have two of my friends going through a similiar breakup but at least one of their exes sent her flowers and shot her over an email. But now its all obvious that I didn't mean s**t to her that she couldn't take a f**king minute of her life to shoot me over an stupid email. I feel like the most pathetic piece of s**t that I spent a year of my life doing everything I could to make her happy and hearing all the crap she would say about us sticking it out through thick and thin and actually beleiving it. That makes me the stupidest motherf***er alive. Then she says thats just life. F**k that! Thats not life thats just her. I have never met anyone in my life that can be so f**ked up to someone that absolutely L_v_d them and treated them caringly and with respect. Ive dated quite a few girls in my past and none of them have been this cold hearted. I just feel so upset and betrayed. She stayed with me for a year and then decided she didn't want me and just threw me to the trash. Then now I'm gonna have this stupid a** problem of not wanting to trust someone and not wanting anyone to get to close to me because I don't ever want to feel this way. I trusted her with the last ounce that I had left after having my ex ex cheat on me. I decided to trust in love just this once more, and in the end what the f**k for. Everything she said just lies...everything. So yeah now I'll walk away, what the f**k else am I going to do. I hope she feels happy that she completely destroyed my heart and everything good in me. I have nothing good in me left. I'm done. I just feel like an empty shell. Ironic how my signature is a bible verse and the way im writing completely conflicts but honestly i don't give a sh**. I am so hurt. I DO NOT HAVE A HEART AND I DONT BELEIVE IN LOVE ANYMORE, AND I CANT BELEIVE IN ANYONE, BECAUSE THEY WILL FAIL ME. WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS. IM ALONE. SOME F**KING BIRTHDAY.. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Ive dated quite a few girls in my past and none of them have been this cold hearted. I DONT BELEIVE IN LOVE ANYMORE Don't make the mistake of believing that this particular ex is an example of every woman in the world. For some reason, this is someone YOU felt the most for, which is why this is so devastating. But this is not an example of every woman. Think of all the ladies who have been interested in you, but you have not returned the feelings...are you a terrible person because you didn't feel it for them? No, you aren't. Get the anger out, and let it go. You can and will recover, in time, and your heart will open to some sweet girl who thinks you're the best. Have faith. Link to post Share on other sites
THE THRONE Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) Happy B-DAY my friend. THE THRONE is going to have to open the book of the Seven-Legged Lamb to see if it has anything directly related to what you're experiencing... :THE THRONE brings out the book of the Seven-Legged Lamb, unlocks it with a key and turns the pages....: ah ha....here we go... O.K. chapter 99 verse 219 of the book of the Seven-Legged Lamb states: "219. When a woman hath left thee out in the cold, trampled on thy heart, and ended thy days together, if thy soul counteth this a blessing it will soon give birth to insight and wisdom." See, what this means is when a woman has dumped you, you count it a blessing or good thing, you'll start to realize that she wasn't fit for you and you actually come to learn more about her character. THE THRONE can give you more from the book of the Seven-Legged Lamb, but THE THRONE has to go feast on steak. But still, you've received a plethora of good advice from the members of this board, so you'll be o.k. Also, she is practicing the "no contact rule" so it is best to say this relationship is over. You said: I DO NOT HAVE A HEART AND I DONT BELEIVE IN LOVE ANYMORE, AND I CANT BELEIVE IN ANYONE, BECAUSE THEY WILL FAIL ME. WORDS ARE MEANINGLESS. IM ALONE. SOME F**KING BIRTHDAY.. Friend, you do have a heart, for if you didn't, you wouldn't feel the way you do. You do believe in love because you're hurting right now and you can believe in someone because you once believed in her. Throughout life people will fail you, and THE THRONE is sure you will fail someone. Why? Because that is the nature of man, and these things cannot be changed. Also, you are not alone. You are without a gf, but you are not alone. Look around you and you'll see you're friends are experiencing hardships. Look around this board, and talk to some of the members here and you'll see you aren't alone. Peace... p.s. people are in our lives for a season. Some are in our lives to teach us and help us grow, but other times they are in our lives so we can teach them and help them grow. Edited January 23, 2008 by THE THRONE Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 OMG, Throne, I am SO in love with you. Where can I buy that book? Link to post Share on other sites
becauseofyou Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Firstly - Happy birthday!! I really hope you do get out and enjoy your own day. :-) I don't think it's healthy to hold this much agression towards your ex. Best to try and accept her decision and move on. I know that is easier said than done but just as you can't help loving her, she can't help not loving you, I don't believe we can pick and choose those emotions. You look at it as she trashed you and walked away - but staying together with you and lying about her feelings would be just as bad. At least she didn't string you along for years and years. She's very young, she's probably only just figuring out what she wants from life and exploring the world. Let her find out who she is, and what she wants. If you're meant to be, then it will happen when you are both ready. Best wishes to you! Link to post Share on other sites
ninjaturtles Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Now I am a bit confused. Did you and this girl break up in June 2007? Is she different from the ex-ex who left you after 1 year and a half...whom you wrote a thread about titled 'My ex is so cold'? Happy belated birthday and hope you had an OK day. I need to know though when did you two break up? That could explain a lot of things. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 She broke up with you so she is more than likely not going to wish you a happy birthday. As much as we would like them to feel the same as we do they don't. Birthday or no birthday it doesn't matter to the person who left you. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
serendip Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Did your ex ended up contacting You? It's my ex's B-day this weekend but I don't think I will contact her to wish her a happy b-day. We aren't on good terms so I don't see the point. Also I think by me not contacting her it will send her a message that I am moving on...or maybe she won't even notice...who knows Happy belated b-day btw Link to post Share on other sites
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