Why can't women be happy for other women?

[KuchiRat]

Hi,

I just turned 26 this year and after a whole year of soul searching and figuring out my values/priorities/goals I feel that I have finally come into myself.

Having said that, this has made me evaluate my relationships with other people i.e. family, friends, etc.

 

 

 

I am considering to cutting off L whom I've always considered as my best and closest friend of 14 years. L has done many things to hurt me in the past but always seems to have an excuse/reason for doing so. Some of which involved:-

1. Smsing me in the middle of the night to let me know that the guy I was dating at the time had a girlfriend abroad but was v sympathetic when I was clearly upset with the news
   
2. Chidding me abt the quality of food I was planning to have at my b'day party when she messaged me on the night of the party to say that she couldn't come

These are some of the more hurtful things to have happened in the past but I have always forgiven her although recently she seems more and more superficial. I think part of the reason is because I am currently in a happy relationship and she has not been lucky in love. I sense there's some rivalry and insecurity there as she is always bragging abt what parties she went to, how great her job is, what restaurants she's been to, etc.

I love spending time with her but hate it when she make snide remarks when I tell her any good news abt myself. I want a supportive, uncompetitive friendship where I can be myself.

I don't want to lose her as a friend but am v hurt by her catty little put-downs. I keep telling myself that she's going through a rough patch and deep down she has a good heart but my patience is wearing thing. What should I do?

[Kamille]

I think your own title is misleading you to keep someone in your life who has only brought you pain and frustrations. Most women can be happy for other women. I am happy when my friends (guys or girls) achieve their goals, meet someone new etc. They are also happy when I acheive my goals etc.

 

This woman most likely critiques your achievements because she is unhappy herself. So you have two options:

either you accept that she is the one going through a hard time and keep in her life, while accepting her as she is

 

or you take some distance from her.

 

I had a friend who was very much like your friend and who seemed to thrive on my failures. I chose option two, because the very fact I thought that told me that if I thought that of her, then the only respectful thing to do for both of us was to stop all contact. It's been a year and I definitely do not regret my decision.