Woggle Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 I doubt it. Your husband has it in his head that you are the cause of all his unhapiness and there is no point in even trying to have a rational discussion with him. You would have an easier trying to reason with a squirrel. It sounds like this is over but don't blame yourself because he couldn't appreciate what he had. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 Does sound like it is over doesn't it? I was hoping maybe he would realize that things are not a bad as he imagined them being. But I guess not. I do hope one day he will regret what he has done. Not because I would take him back but because I want him to realize what he lost and can't have again. So I should give up hope. But I honestly didn't try to make him unhappy. I didn't want him unhappy. Thanks so much Woogle for talking and helping out. Link to post Share on other sites
FLOWERYSTARS Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Him going to the doctor every week may be your business if he has any STDs. Perhaps you should ask him. Sounds as though it might be more beneficial for you to 'have it out' with him anyway. At least you can release your feelings, get some answers, and perhaps have more of an idea about what the future holds for the two of you. Perhaps if the relationship broke down, he was under the impression you didnt care, and whilst maintaining your cool is admirable, it might not help you reach a level of honesty where you can understand each other and what went wrong between you. You can still be cool while you question him Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 I am really curious why does someone who is in a long term realtion ship just break it off and that is that? How come it is their decision? How come I didn't get a say so in this? I want to let him know I am still here and that I haven't dissappeared like he wanted. I am his wife and I will still be his wife until we file for divorce. What about me being happy? They tend to detach way before they actually leave. So, to you it might feel sudden, but for him, he's been gone for a while in his head. The one who leaves decides because he's been thinking about it for a while and has chosen not to discuss his issues with you, has chosen not to work it out, has chosen to walk away. You don't get a say because he didn't give you one, he never wanted to hear what you had to say, and he didn't want to stay anymore. You can be happy, just not with him. Happiness comes from within, not because another person doles it out to you. I just hate the fact that I feel like I am turning belly over and running away like he told me to. I feel like I failed my marriage by just saying ok to everything he said. Don't call me...ok, don't contact me....ok, I don't love you...ok. As opposed to what? Begging him on your knees to stay with you? That never works. You're not running away - he PUSHED you away. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Always Wrong- He didn't say those exact words but they are pretty darn close. He is an atogonist. He would often rile me up just to get me started. But when I got to the point I couldn't take it he would get mad because I was upset then he would go for weeks holding a grudge and not having anything to do with me if he could. I never knew a man who would hold a grudge against his wife for weeks at a time. He is still mad at me for things I said 5 years ago. Even after I apologize he is still mad. Yeah, he sounds like quite a winner. No wonder you want him back. Come on, PR. You know you deserve to be treated in a loving manner by the man in your life - this guy isn't doing that and hasn't for a long time. Don't you think you deserve better? Why do you want someone like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Jackieboy Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 This is very very hard advice to follow but for your own sanity you must follow it. He was the one who decided he doesn't want to be with you and therefore anything that happens to him is simply SEP - Someone else's problem. I know you still care deeply, you wouldn't be human if you didn't but all you are doing is prolonging the agony for yourself and he doesn't deserve it. Move on, life your life for you and if he contacts you in the future deal with it then but at the moment the most important thing is looking after yourself. His decision so he can live with the consequences. You deserve better trust me. It will get easier in time and if you find yourself thinking about him ask yourself this, 'Why should I waste one minute of my time worrying about someone who doesn't care about me?' Its always darkest before the dawn, but dawn will break. Link to post Share on other sites
sandflea Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 This is very very hard advice to follow but for your own sanity you must follow it. He was the one who decided he doesn't want to be with you and therefore anything that happens to him is simply SEP - Someone else's problem. I know you still care deeply, you wouldn't be human if you didn't but all you are doing is prolonging the agony for yourself and he doesn't deserve it. Move on, life your life for you and if he contacts you in the future deal with it then but at the moment the most important thing is looking after yourself. His decision so he can live with the consequences. You deserve better trust me. It will get easier in time and if you find yourself thinking about him ask yourself this, 'Why should I waste one minute of my time worrying about someone who doesn't care about me?' Its always darkest before the dawn, but dawn will break. I think JB is right on the money here - he left you, his decision - don't wait around for him to figure things out. You've been more than generous with your caring and concern, now let go, and close the door. He must accept the consequences of his actions. You must too. The sooner you start your recovery, the sooner you life will begin again. Take a listen to Kathleen Edwards' Good Things. Kinda fits. Best of luck - you'll be fine, and you'll meet someone who won't quit you next time. SF Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 28, 2008 Author Share Posted January 28, 2008 Thanks guys. I really appreciate the words of encouragement. I was having a particularly bad day yesterday. I was going to start up my scrapbook again, something I stopped doing with all this mess and pulled out the box of photos and there were tons of us with my daughter mixed in. Photos of us fishing, photos of us at our wedding shower and photos of us hanging out on the couch, photos of him carving pumpkins with my daughter. I thought I was going to lose it. So i pulled all the photos together and saved 3 of them that had my daughter in them that were really good and put the rest in an envelope and mailed to him this morning in interoffice mail. Ok I know I shouldn't have but let him deal with them. He wants out of the marriage then let him throw them away like he threw us away. Actually I feel kinda good for sending them...like I am not keeping them to remind me of him. I know he will not say anything back but he will one day have to deal with me because of the money on the house. He is such a booger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 This must now be my week. I was cleaning out my briefcase last night, which I haven't opened in maybe a year or so, I use it to just store papers in and I bought a fire proof box. Well I was cleaning it out and in one of the folders were pictures of the 3 of us and several poems he had written me. I cried for about 4 hours last night reading them. I don't know what to do with them now. Do I throw them away or keep them? Just seems like this is so unfair. Why can't he hurt and feel bad? Link to post Share on other sites
sandflea Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 This must now be my week. I was cleaning out my briefcase last night, which I haven't opened in maybe a year or so, I use it to just store papers in and I bought a fire proof box. Well I was cleaning it out and in one of the folders were pictures of the 3 of us and several poems he had written me. I cried for about 4 hours last night reading them. I don't know what to do with them now. Do I throw them away or keep them? Just seems like this is so unfair. Why can't he hurt and feel bad? Pink - that stuff is TOXIC! You should NOT be looking at that stuff now. Put it in a box (with a big label: "toxic") and put it up in a corner of the attic. Now is not the time for reminiscing - now is the time for you to move forward... No sad country tunes either Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 (edited) Hahahahah no sad country tunes here. I have pretty much turned the music off. Yes toxic is a good word for it. I put them in a folder and shoved them in a box and taped it up. I still want to send them to him but that would accomplish nothing but show I am a weenie. So I'll hold until I can have a bon fire and a bottle of wine. But all this about him has me thinking. Last month I gave him a quick way out of our marriage and he hasn't responded. I told him if he really wants out then I want X and we will be done. I'll quit my job and move up towards my family. I sign what ever he wants and say what ever he wants just give me X. And I haven't gotten it. You know he could have been divorced already I wonder why he doesn't just cough this up and get it over with?? Edited January 30, 2008 by PinkRibbon Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 Another sleepless night. I wonder when you can actually get a good nights sleep?? It has been 4 months and I still do not sleep without help and last night I was out of tylenol PM. That bites so I tossed and turned and talked to the cat most of the night. I wonder if he is sleeping ok? I would guess so...generally the guilty party sleeps fine. SO another day at already sitting here thinking about him at work. Would take me 5 mins to walk to his office but I won't today. I am going to be firm and have a good day. So everyone I hope you have a better day than yesterday because we all need it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 Today is my birthday. I haven't heard from him and I wonder if he even remembers it was today? I hate this so much..... Link to post Share on other sites
Always Wrong Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 (edited) Today is my birthday. I haven't heard from him and I wonder if he even remembers it was today? I hate this so much..... Happy Birthday Pink!!! :bunny::bunny: Have you read the thread started by "No Foolin" in the coping section titled, "So you think contacting your ex is going to help? Guide for the long walk..." ? Maybe it will help you feel better. I'll check back later. Edited February 4, 2008 by Always Wrong punctuation Link to post Share on other sites
Haohmaru Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I don't know why WIVES do what they do to their husbands. And as for the 180 thing, I have a theory. It doesn't happen overnight. It happens gradually during the course of the relationship, but the person is too scared to say it until it becomes unbearable. I dunno. I just say stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
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