swordfish01 Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I have been seeing this wonderful guy for almost a year now. He could possibly be the most perfect man ever. Or i should say perfect for me. We have been arguing off and on about several diff issues, but mainly due to my insecurity. I have started therapy to deal with relationship issues and insecurity. I always have to know what my b/f is doing or up to, who he is talking to... This is not healthy. I don't like asking him, but i find myself always falling back into questioning him. Does anyone know how to get over this? This issue is tearing us apart and i can feel him drifting away from me. I have never loved anyone as intensely as I love him. We used to talk about children and marriage and now all we do is argue. Please help.
bmrrll07 Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 you made the right first steps. you know you have a problem and you are seeking help. thats the hardest part. you could always do couples therapy. or just explain to him that you know what you are doing is wrong, and that your trying to fix it. and ask for his help, men are programed to help. i hope the best for you and him.
Author swordfish01 Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 Thanks I have. But he is at his breaking point right now. He wants to leave. I don't want him to and he doesn't either. But my behavior is unacceptable. I want him to be happy. That is all:eek:
Lauriebell82 Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Thanks I have. But he is at his breaking point right now. He wants to leave. I don't want him to and he doesn't either. But my behavior is unacceptable. I want him to be happy. That is all:eek: Tell him that. Tell him you are trying to get help with your issues, and you really do want to be with him and love him. Hopefully he will care about you enough to give you a chance to change your behavior. Bottom line is you can't make him stay with you. So just tell him you are really going to try to change, and that you are doing it for yourself because you want to be happy. Don't tell him you are doing it for him. It's his decision to leave or stay, and you need to accept that. And if you truley want him to be happy, then if he sees leaving you as his chance to be happy then you need to give it to him. Tell him you want him to be happy no matter waht that means. Then try to accept whatever his decision is, and better yourself.
Author swordfish01 Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 Yes. I have told him this. I told him if I was the cause of his sadness and he wanted to pursue something else, ie being single again, then he could. All I want is his happiness. Like I said for a while we were discussing marriage and children and now, nothing of the sorts. I have been hurt from previous relationships and I need to learn to live in the now, b/c he is now and my future...i hope. I need to get past these horrible feelings of insecurity.
spookie Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Unfortunately, being in a relationship where the other person is thinking of leaving is going to do nothing towards helping you get over your insecurities. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy, as they say. He wants out because you're insecure, which in turn makes you more insecure. I have no idea how one ends this mind-loop.
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