Albucosor Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Hello there, this is my first post here and I come with a specific question. I read a thread written two years ago, with the exact same title. You can access it here : Are looks important in a lasting relationship? I am in the exact same situation exept that I am a boy, and my girlfriend is not especially good looking. (I mean, people say we are "not in the same league", from a physicall point of view) I like her very much, but I struggle because I haven't presented her to my friends yet, and you know how are boys, they can easily make fun of me and her because she is not exeptionnally good looking. I know I could try to date more (I haven't been dating a lot, I am 24), and find a better looking girl, but I like this one very much. First I was not exeptionnally attracted to her, and we had sex anyway, but then I really melted because her personnality is so great. Do you think it is important that she is not so much good looking? thx for your advice
starlite Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Well, are you attracted to her now that you know her better?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 You talked about being afraid of your friends being mean as she's not good looking in your eyes. Well if they did that they wouldn't be real friends now would they? I'd suggest you not look at her on such a superficial level. The body is a shell. The depth and core of a person make them beautiful. Are you attracted to her? Does she make you happy? I think you're kind of being harsh on her, seeing as how you had sex with her anyway? Dig deeper.
quankanne Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 looks are nothing, compared to the kind of person she is – and your friends, if they truly care about you – will get that. And appreciate that she's good to and good for you, not whether she's a hottie or if she's plain. Besides, personality goes a long way in affecting looks, you know. She can be the most gorgeous girl or guy you've ever met, but if that person possesses a cold heart, that beauty changes, and you see them as not-so-attractive because they lack what you seek. Inversely, I've seen average, ordinary people become absolutely gorgeous because they've got good hearts, and because you're looking at them with all of your senses, not just your eyes!
Author Albucosor Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 (edited) Yeah I am definitely attracted to her now, and we are both happy when we're together. I know I'm harsh on her by saying that she's not god looking. This is my ego speaking, but it is speaking anyway. I had sex with her at the beginning because it was not ment to be a serious relationship first, it was just to share a good moment together and wasn't ment to go further than a few night stands. It turned out that we have a lot in common and now I see her as a lasting relationship ( Edited January 22, 2008 by Albucosor
starlite Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Yeah I am definitely attracted to her now, and we are both happy when we're together. I know I'm harsh on her by saying that. This is my ego speaking, but it is speaking anyway. I had sex with her at the beginning because it was not ment to be a serious relationship first, it was just to share a good moment together and wasn't ment to go further than a few night stands. It turned out that we have a lot in common and now I see her as a lasting relationship If you are now attracted to her that is all that matters.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I like her very much, but I struggle because I haven't presented her to my friends yet, and you know how are boys, they can easily make fun of me and her because she is not exeptionnally good looking. I know I could try to date more (I haven't been dating a lot, I am 24), and find a better looking girl, but I like this one very much. First I was not exeptionnally attracted to her, and we had sex anyway, but then I really melted because her personnality is so great. Do you think it is important that she is not so much good looking? thx for your advice Well, as long as you consider yourself more attractive than her... it's going to be hard on you. However, the moment you realize that she is just exactly what you want and need... then it will work much more easily. Oh, and your friends may give you a hard time at first. Especially if she is heavy... but I'm telling you, if she treats you well... your going to be a happier guy than any of them! Also, it helps if you punch a couple of them out when they try to make fun of you about it.
Trialbyfire Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 My initial reaction is to bridle at the superficiality displayed but I guess it's a young guy thing to want to one-up your mates, with arm trophy... What matters more? What you think about her or what they do? Best to decide what matters more, right now, and if you decide that impressing your friends is more important than a loving, lasting relationship, let her go, so she can find someone who truly appreciates what she has to offer. Sit yourself down and think hard about not having her in your life. Now think hard about a little bit of potential teasing from your friends. Which is more meaningful to you?
Author Albucosor Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 Yeah I guess you're right starlite. I think it's a matter of standing for the girl I chose and be proud of her no matter what others think. I have considered telling her to do some sport (because she actually could be very good looking), but I refrained doing so as the problem is with me, not her, and that would not be kind at all to tell her that.
Author Albucosor Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 Well, as long as you consider yourself more attractive than her... it's going to be hard on you. However, the moment you realize that she is just exactly what you want and need... then it will work much more easily. Oh, and your friends may give you a hard time at first. Especially if she is heavy... but I'm telling you, if she treats you well... your going to be a happier guy than any of them! Also, it helps if you punch a couple of them out when they try to make fun of you about it. Thanks for the advice about punching out Cobra . I really appreciate your answer as you absolutely get my point. I think indeed I have to stop giving too much attention to looks, (my looks included) and realize what I really want. thanks My initial reaction is to bridle at the superficiality displayed but I guess it's a young guy thing to want to one-up your mates, with arm trophy... What matters more? What you think about her or what they do? Best to decide what matters more, right now, and if you decide that impressing your friends is more important than a loving, lasting relationship, let her go, so she can find someone who truly appreciates what she has to offer. Sit yourself down and think hard about not having her in your life. Now think hard about a little bit of potential teasing from your friends. Which is more meaningful to you? I know it sounds very superficial. But it isn't so easy to get rid of the social conditionning that tells us that look is everything. I know this is especially bad if a boy says things like that...I'm not proud but I'm working on it. As I said, I know it's my ego. I also know as you said that by making a counscious choice, and getting past a little teasing from my friends, I can be veeerry happy.
Meaplus3 Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Hello there, this is my first post here and I come with a specific question. I read a thread written two years ago, with the exact same title. You can access it here : Are looks important in a lasting relationship? I am in the exact same situation exept that I am a boy, and my girlfriend is not especially good looking. (I mean, people say we are "not in the same league", from a physicall point of view) I like her very much, but I struggle because I haven't presented her to my friends yet, and you know how are boys, they can easily make fun of me and her because she is not exeptionnally good looking. I know I could try to date more (I haven't been dating a lot, I am 24), and find a better looking girl, but I like this one very much. First I was not exeptionnally attracted to her, and we had sex anyway, but then I really melted because her personnality is so great. Do you think it is important that she is not so much good looking? thx for your advice It's sound's to me like you get along very well with her. I strongly believe it' what's on the inside that count's the most and if she has that then you have found a very special girl... I'd hang onto her. Good luck. AP:)
Green Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 are you kidding me if your all hot for a girl who technicaly isnt good looking thats like having your cake and eating it to. Tell your friend to suck on your bleep if they say anything
allina Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I don't know, on one hand you could fall in love with her and have a great, lasting relationship. On the other hand you seem a little insecure and it seems like you may cheat or dump her for a more attractive girl once the honeymoon phase wears off.
Author Albucosor Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 I don't know, on one hand you could fall in love with her and have a great, lasting relationship. On the other hand you seem a little insecure and it seems like you may cheat or dump her for a more attractive girl once the honeymoon phase wears off. Well, I know these are not my intentions...however it may be possible that my ego just isn't mature yet and that I should stay on the dating scene. But I know I like this girl very much and that she likes me a lot too.
allina Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Well, I know these are not my intentions...however it may be possible that my ego just isn't mature yet and that I should stay on the dating scene. But I know I like this girl very much and that she likes me a lot too. How old are you? If you're like 14-16 chances are it won't last long even if you are attracted to her.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Looks plays a factor in the relationship in a major way. I mean of course you can run into people who are gorgeous but have no persoanlity and vise versa. If you really do like this girl and see a future with her , then concentrate on making your relationship better. But if you have doubts and feel there is plenty more good looking fish in the sea then you need to leave her alone. Because the way I see it, you meet someone is is sexier and leave your current g/f. and feel like you have wasted your time with trying to pressure yourself to like someone who you really didnt like. They was a just good enough for the "right then" moment
Author Albucosor Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 How old are you? If you're like 14-16 chances are it won't last long even if you are attracted to her. Lol no I'm 24...If I write like a kid it's because English is not my native language Or maybe I just sound like kid
allina Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Lol no I'm 24...If I write like a kid it's because English is not my native language Or maybe I just sound like kid Sorry, I thought that maybe you were really young because you said you were young and not mature
Zero Degrees Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I would rather have the personality than the looks. My ex was extremely hot but we had no deep mental connection. The sex was good, but that even it's not enough to hold a couple together. He found me mentally stimulating but I didn't find him stimulating enough. So I got bored with the chats etc. My current bloke is not as attractive but we get on so much more. At the end of the day I think you need to find a best friend in your partner, something deeper. Communication is what it's more about.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I believe that looks are important in a fleeting way. They might draw you to a person, but they can't keep you enthralled for long. I say go for the personality and emotional/spiritual/"belonging" connection. Do you really still care about what others think is important? If so, it's time to start thinking for yourself and this might be a good start. Basing things on appearances alone is a bit shallow. Happiness is deep.
american-woman Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 hey beauty is in the eye of the beholder
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