question

[eagle5]

What do you guys think?

 

I've been split from my gf for over a month now, she wanted time out but it was really her saying she wantes to end it. I found out she had met someone else (I think it was just before we split). It killed me when it happened. We were together for 10 months and I met her just as my marriage broke down, after I left my wife.

 

I'm slowly getting there but here is the thing - I have never been in love with someone as much as my ex gf and I'm scared that I'll never be that in love again! Do you think it's possible to find someone else and have those same intense feelings in the future? I mean I was totally and utterly taken by her. It was something I have never experienced before. I thought about it being the rebound thing but I was ready to give my life to her.

 

I fell out of love with my wife a couple of years ago so after trying to sort things out, me leaving her was the final option but I never loved her like I did my ex gf. I just can't let go!! She (the ex gf) has txt'd me asking how I am and I haven't replied, that was 3 days ago, I feel I will get there in the end but (repeating myself) I just can't imagine having those intense, amazing feelings for anyone else.

 

Please let me know what you think, whether she was that 1 person it could happen to or whether it could happen again.

 

I've looked at myself alot to see if it's me being too needy and wondering if I should be more independent. I just don't know!!

 

I wait eagerly to hear your thoughts.....thanx

[eagle5]

I'll add to my post that my ex wife and I are amicable, we have a good friendship despite the fact that we had drifted so far apart.

When I met this girl it was as if everything I had ever dreamed of, was there in a person and I couldn't believe my luck.

So when she suddenly ended it in December I was completely devestated. I think I'm doing ok by trying to focus on the future but it's just a shell I show to the rest of the world. I love her SO much and can't let go.

Really I'm a wreck inside and I cry every day, at some point have to disappear and break down. I want to be ok but can't see a way to move on as I want her back so so much. Am I just clinging on to stupidity or can we make what was so amazing work again?

 

.....hurting and confused.

[ElvenPriestess]

Essentially she left you for some one else, so I have to say no, I don't see you two working out of course, but don't let that discourage you! I mean I'm just giving my feeling on it here, but when you love some one, it's never the same. It will be different every time. But that's NOT to say you'll never feel that intensity again. You WILL fall in love one day with some one as much if not even MORE intensely than this girl. December you say it was? It's a fresh wound, it will hurt, as it all ready does. It's a natural part of the healing process.

 

Her texting you is selfish. She was selfish in her actions, and needs to stop being selfish in tormenting you by persisting in contact. The best thing for you is NC. I really believe that. And you will eventually recover and you will find some one out there even better, some one who will be all the more committed to you.

 

Time to be strong and focus on yourself and your road to recovery. It will be tough, give it time. You will be fine in the end, and stronger with more wisdom.

 

Bottom line answer to your question, is yes. You WILL feel those feelings again.

[eagle5]

Thanks for your words ElvenPriestess,

The nc was working for me but this morning she rang up to ask how I was and that she was sorry and knew how I felt.

There was no hint of anything else though and while we were talking it just felt as if things were normal. But after we finished the call I cried my eyes out and feel like I have gone back 10 miles, I did say to her that it was hard for me to talk to her but she sounded genuinely concerned and I could have stayed on the phone forever. I just wanted to go round and be there with her and it took all I had in me not to do just that.

 

I want to hate her, but I just can't despite everything. It would be easier but I just think back to all the wonderful times we had and everything she said to me in the past.

God it kills again, I just don't want to go through this again! Why can't I just forget her? I had a dream last night (the first for a few days) that she had come back and we were laughing about it all. I think too much about everything and that seems to be a damaging trait, I wish I could just let go......

[ElvenPriestess]

You don't want to hate her, it's not healthy to hate anyone. It's good that you can't. Concerned for you as a person she may be, but also selfish she remains in putting you through this, the phone calls. Every time you talk to her, you WILL make strides backwards. The hardest thing you could do is what is needed.

 

You HAVE to stand up to her and say, you hurt me, now I need to heal. To heal, I can not have contact with you. You did what you thought was best for you and left, I need to do what's best for me and NC.

 

Forgetting her, not likely. Getting over her, very doable. But again, it takes much time, grieving, cry when you need to, let it all out. NC is a must here, you HAVE to be strong and make yourself stand up to her on this point. I can tell you RIGHT NOW what she will say if you go ahead with the NC. Something like "But I'm worried about you. I'm concerned, can't we just talk? Be friends?" Something like that, you can't cave.

 

Long road ahead, but with rewards to come. You have LS you can post on when you're feeling down, stick around your friends when you can, distract yourself from her, if she doesn't respect your NC decision (should you take my advice) then you have to not answer her calls. And when she DOES call, and you want to answer, hop on LS instead. Or hit "busy" and call a friend.

 

Those are the first steps to the goals you seek.