bigmanpayne Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 i find myself crying, overly depressed, and plain unable to move from time to time. i am a grown man who rarely experiences these types of emotions but i am so floored by recent events in my life that I simply dont know how to deal and cope with the situation. my wife recently left me and our kids for what seems like the 50th time. she often does this but this time seems permanent. she has never been able to stay faithful and i have tried to work with her for over 10 years. she often leaves but always manages to find her way back. if you isn't in a relationship with another man, things are great between us and in our home. we have great kids and she have left them and me to fool around with someone from her job she had previously only had sex with in the car during their lunches and breaks. she puts her all into these relationships with men who dont really care about her. she loves them more than herself when all the want is sex from her. i believe that i stayed with her because she has no one else in her life that will help her or tell her that what she is doing is wrong. there is no one else there to tell her to tend more to her children and not to random men. she tells the kids that she will pick them up at 8 a.m., then never shows up without even calling. she is a great mother otherwise, but if she has something going she forgets about all else. my kids are a mess, and i am even worse. i put on a good face for them, but i cant sleep, cant eat or even think straight. i miss her, and i hate to see her get into these situations. i am so hurt and just depressed that it is hard for me to get up in the morning to get my kids off to school or go to work. i dont know what to do. i do feel as if a part of me is now gone. despite her infidelity, she is a good person and we fit perfectly. without her i feel i am nothing, and i cant shake that feeling. what should i do?
swansong519 Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 (edited) i find myself crying, overly depressed, and plain unable to move from time to time. my wife recently left me and our kids for what seems like the 50th time. she often does this.. she has never been able to stay faithful... we have great kids and she have left them and me to fool around with someone from her job she had previously only had sex with in the car during their lunches and breaks. my kids are a mess, and i am even worse. what should i do? I feel for ya...it sounds like you're dealing with a very difficult situation. But I have to tell you...for you to say you can't deal or cope isn't really true, is it? It sounds like you've been dealing and coping (as best you can) for quite some time. I picked out a few of the things you said in your post... Now imagine I wrote them asking you for advice...what might you tell me? Change the locks...cancel the credit cards...bring some stability back to the lives of my kids...she's never gonna change? You need to get strong...your kids need you to get strong... Your partner is obviously not going to change things...so it's up to you. I wish you all the luck...it's never easy dealing with things like this. But your kids need you to take control of the situation and bring some stability to their lives. You can do this...you're stronger than you think. And for goodness sake...keep talking. You found your way here to LoveShack...so keep coming here...keep talking...let us know how you're making out. There are people here who care and are willing to listen. Good luck, Bro Edited January 22, 2008 by swansong519
Author bigmanpayne Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 getting strong is hard to do. i am a strong person in all aspects except when it comes to my wife. i am doing OK when it comes to my children. thanks for the words and i will continue to post and talk.
swansong519 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 getting strong is hard to do. i am a strong person in all aspects except when it comes to my wife. i am doing OK when it comes to my children. thanks for the words and i will continue to post and talk. I hear ya. Nothing is ever as easy as it sounds. Do you have any support system? Family, friends, counselor, etc...? Good things your kids have you. Hopefully you can find the strength to deal with the Mrs by focusing on the kids. Some people can't be helped, man. Sometimes the best thing you can do for them is let them struggle through on their own. As much as you might want to save a drowning person...you don't want to let them drag you down too. You and your kids definitely deserve better than you're getting.
Author bigmanpayne Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 I hear ya. Nothing is ever as easy as it sounds. Do you have any support system? Family, friends, counselor, etc...? Good things your kids have you. Hopefully you can find the strength to deal with the Mrs by focusing on the kids. Some people can't be helped, man. Sometimes the best thing you can do for them is let them struggle through on their own. As much as you might want to save a drowning person...you don't want to let them drag you down too. You and your kids definitely deserve better than you're getting. if i didnt already know that, i do now. thank you so much. it seems like every time i get a grip on this situation, my depression gets worse. i feel worse, and i feel bad for my kids. i feel like i have personally let them down. i hate this.
swansong519 Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 if i didnt already know that, i do now. thank you so much. it seems like every time i get a grip on this situation, my depression gets worse. i feel worse, and i feel bad for my kids. i feel like i have personally let them down. i hate this. Man, it's easy to do but don't get down on yourself for decisions you've made. You don't have to live today like it's yesterday...seriously. Your wife has some problems...problems she needs help with. Unfortunately she can't be helped if she doesn't want it...and even if she did want it, you're not qualified to give it to her. It sucks...it's shi..y...it's not fair.... Go somewhere quiet and get mad...punch the wall...cry...scream...and then...admit you can't help your wife and vow to not let her drag you and your kids down. Of course it won't be easy...but seriously try to focus on what's best for those kids...and what's best for them is consistency...normalcy... You can do this...you need to do this... If you need some reasurance or someone to remind you you're doing the right thing...just drop a line... It's like an addiction...don't kid yourself...but you can kick the habit and move towards something healthy. Truthfully if you ever want to have a chance at a healthy relationship with your wife she's gonna need to get some help...and she probably won't get it til she bottoms out... In the meantime...don't let her use you...it'll only make you feel more depressed. Take charge and you'll feel stronger...I promise.
Author bigmanpayne Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 Man, it's easy to do but don't get down on yourself for decisions you've made. You don't have to live today like it's yesterday...seriously. Your wife has some problems...problems she needs help with. Unfortunately she can't be helped if she doesn't want it...and even if she did want it, you're not qualified to give it to her. It sucks...it's shi..y...it's not fair.... Go somewhere quiet and get mad...punch the wall...cry...scream...and then...admit you can't help your wife and vow to not let her drag you and your kids down. Of course it won't be easy...but seriously try to focus on what's best for those kids...and what's best for them is consistency...normalcy... You can do this...you need to do this... If you need some reasurance or someone to remind you you're doing the right thing...just drop a line... It's like an addiction...don't kid yourself...but you can kick the habit and move towards something healthy. Truthfully if you ever want to have a chance at a healthy relationship with your wife she's gonna need to get some help...and she probably won't get it til she bottoms out... In the meantime...don't let her use you...it'll only make you feel more depressed. Take charge and you'll feel stronger...I promise. thank you. i will continue to work hard at trying to deal with this and get over it. i appreciate your words and help.
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