UCFKevin Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 I've said this before and I'm sure I'll say it again. In my last relationship, at the beginning, we had sex like three or four times a day. And when she'd leave, I'd still rub one out. Nothing to do with the girl at all. Guys are just horny bastards. Big deal. At least he ain't cheating.
Timbo Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 Just to chip in another male's perspective: For me, flying solo has always been about release. When I wanted some and my SO wasn't around... Guys just get horny. You should "catch" him next time and ask if it's ok to watch or maybe join in. You might be surprised how that sort of thing can help with intimacy. Voice your concerns about the masturbation, but be cautious not to make him feel guilty about it. Just my 2 cents Tim
ARES Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 To be honest with you, masturbation should no way threaten you every guy does it even if we have a good sex life. Personally i have a awsome sex life but i still do it about once a day unless i end up having sex. It is normal and you shouldn't tell him to stop be happy in 20 years he might not even be able to get hard......Just tell him to think of you or even watch him that always turns me on talk dirty to him while he does it kiss him and his neck that sould make you and him bolth feel better.........-Chris-
spencer Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 to ucfkevin, timbo & ares, guy language: ....hello... julie20182 & krezybunch aren't getting any! the goods are going to a towel that they get to wash at the end of the week. their men prefer the kleenex to the sex. you claim masterbation is normal, I agree, but you guys satisfy your girls rather than wasting the love bone. ucfkevin, ahhh 4 times a day, I remember my 20's, good times. These girls are left high and dry. explain this.
dyermaker Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Right, but to say they aren't getting any BECAUSE of masturbation is scapegoating. If there is a lack of intimacy, which is MUTUALLY acheived, masturbation will become more attractive than sex, because the intimacy is not neccessary. Fix the intimacy problems, and the masturbation won't bother you, because you'll get sex. BLAMING porn/masturbation for the lack of intimacy is counterproductive--if you don't believe me, look at the hundreds of thousands of women who find themselves in that situation.
wideawake Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 ah...sounds like he is jerking it to porn too much (perhaps a little problem...whatever) and hence he doesn't have the drive/ability to keep things on track at home. Bottom line is to make sure you're at least trying to work towards a good relationship and than figure out what you have to do to get there. I mean yeah, I jerk it around myself, and I do it to porn as well, but if I was jerking off to porn to the point that I had some performance issues with my partner, and hence that hurt our relationship, than I damn well think she would have a valid reason to be major league pissed off. The issue isn't whether or not it's wrong/right/whatever to jerk to porn. The issue is whether it's ok to jerk off to your own individual satisfaction at the expense of your partners happiness. I vote to keep my mono-a-mono sessions to a level where I still maintain a high desire/sex-drive/erection capability with my partner, and do what I can to work toward building a solid relationship together.
ladyangel Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker Right, but to say they aren't getting any BECAUSE of masturbation is scapegoating. If there is a lack of intimacy, which is MUTUALLY acheived, masturbation will become more attractive than sex, because the intimacy is not neccessary. Fix the intimacy problems, and the masturbation won't bother you, because you'll get sex. BLAMING porn/masturbation for the lack of intimacy is counterproductive--if you don't believe me, look at the hundreds of thousands of women who find themselves in that situation. Dyer - it keeps sounding more and more like you're blaming the woman when a man masturbates instead of having sex with her, that she should somehow fix things in the intimacy department and then the man's masturbation wouldn't bother her. It takes two to "fix" intimacy problems. And jerking off all the time to satisfy your own needs and ignoring the woman's needs is just plain selfish. Masturbation in and of itself is perfectly normal, I agree, but that's not the only issue here.
moimeme Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 I believe the point is that nobody will be getting any problems fixed if the woman is blaming the porn for the problem. I don't believe the suggestion is that the woman fix the problem on her own, but rather that she address the correct problem and aim her efforts in that direction, which would mean instead of saying "quit masturbating to porn, you SOB", she might consider saying "I think we should see a counsellor since our relationship has gone off the rails".
ladyangel Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme I believe the point is that nobody will be getting any problems fixed if the woman is blaming the porn for the problem. I don't believe the suggestion is that the woman fix the problem on her own, but rather that she address the correct problem and aim her efforts in that direction, which would mean instead of saying "quit masturbating to porn, you SOB", she might consider saying "I think we should see a counsellor since our relationship has gone off the rails". Yes, but it's not just HER problem to fix. That's my point. HE needs to get the motivation to fix the problem as well instead of masturbating in place of facing intimacy with her. I think we're saying pretty much the same thing here, honestly. But the onus should not be on the woman to repair the problem.
moimeme Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 But the onus should not be on the woman to repair the problem. Totally agree, and I'm pretty sure that wasn't the idea. However, we all know that women end up having to be the caretakers of the relationships so it will likely be up to the woman to initiate the discussion about problems and possible solutions - so she needs to deal with the real problem, not the symptom.
wideawake Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme However, we all know that women end up having to be the caretakers of the relationships so it will likely be up to the woman to initiate the discussion about problems and possible solutions - so she needs to deal with the real problem, not the symptom. Let me just slap a few 2 X 4s together in the backyard and than you can have your own personal cross to hang out on. Come on moi…that comment was outside the lines. I would *guess* that the real problem in this case is that this guy has an unhealthy fixation with porn and has begun to prefer it to real life. But if you're going to save all of us men from ourselves, than please step right up.
moimeme Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Let me just slap a few 2 X 4s together in the backyard and than you can have your own personal cross to hang out on. Come on moi…that comment was outside the lines. I would *guess* that the real problem in this case is that this guy has an unhealthy fixation with porn and has begun to prefer it to real life. But if you're going to save all of us men from ourselves, than please step right up. What on earth are you on about?????????? It's you who's claiming the guy has an 'unhealthy fixation'!!!! Me, I'm saying that the marriage itself likely has problems and he's doing something unproductive to take his mind off it AND that wife will not ameliorate the situation by blaming the man. So where do you get I'm trying to 'save men from themselves'??????????????????
wideawake Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Hmmm... What am I going on about? Damn good question. Not sure really, just was POd about the whole "caretakers of the relationship" crack I guess. Point well taken.
moimeme Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 whole "caretakers of the relationship" crack I guess I was just repeating pop-psych stuff. It's obviously a generalization, but there is some research behind it. Things are changing, gender roles are changing, and, thank God, not every man considers it less than macho to care about how a relationship is going and to try to work on it. It's just that this guy doesn't appear to be one of the sort who will.
wideawake Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Word. We're on the same page. Thanks for keeping me in line. (from a guy that doesn't mind knowing he's wrong once in a while and appreciates a good woman that can put him back in the track)
moimeme Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 We're on the same page Agreed! Just semantics messing the issue again. Happens all the time. So, like, peace eh?
Arabess Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 If I were a guy, I would at least make sure no one CAUGHT me doing it. It would be a matter of pride.
wideawake Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 God I love the way you Canadian's say 'eh'. My buddy was raised in Toronto and says it all the time. Now I do as well....which doesn't go over nearly as well here in the states.
wideawake Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme But it's so HOT! Yeah...I've heard that myself a few times. I think the literal quote was "oh my god honey, that is so hot" I have to agree that I think it's pretty much the hottest thing I've ever seen as well when my girl gives me a little show. All in good fun kids. But to Arabess comment - um....sometimes there just isn't time to have things 'return to normal' (i.e., she comes upstairs unexpectedly...) and you have to just stand your ground and take it like a man! Now me of course, well...I'll just take anything she'll give me.
End of my rope Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 I was to lazy to read the whole post...so if this was already mentioned I'm sorry...but it's hard for me to believe that the original poster (kacita) has NEVER taken care of her own needs during the time she's been married. And if it's true she hasn't...then maybe that's the problem right there! Every woman needs to rock the little man in the boat every now and then!
InmannRoshi Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 I masturbated more than once just reading this thread.
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