LDR BF is in hospital. Should I risk losing my job to see him?

[the_musical_nomad]

I am in a transatlantic long distance relationship. He lives in the UK and I am in the US. We've been dating for two years and we are engaged to be married.

 

I got a call from his mother last week that he got into a motorcycle accident. She says that he is in bad form and is unconscious (in a coma). Anyways, I call in sick last week because I was too distraught to go to work. Out of impulse I bought a ticket to fly out at the end of next week.

 

I am coming in to inform my supervisor of the situation and that I need to leave at the end of the week. I have been working at this company for 3 years and have been a stellar employee except my attendance is not so great. I have been suffering from illness myself. I know FMLA doesn't apply for boyfriend.

 

Did I make a mistake without asking my employer first? From the likes of it, I don't want to waste time getting to him because his condition is unstable. What should I do?

[oppath]

It should take a couple hours to notify your employer. Simply say "my fiance is in a coma. I need to go see him." You may not receive payed absence but this is an extenuating circumstance that most employers will give you one week for. Ask them "how much time can I take? I would like to take one week. If that is not ok, what compromise can we make?"

 

They aren't going to hold it against you for asking and they won't fire you unless you have a poor record at the end of the year. I did have a friend who lost his job, and one reason was he took 3 weeks when his mom died. It pissed him off because he would have only taken the allowed 2 if he had known it would be a problem but they told him "ok" at the time. Just ask "how much time can I take? I would like to take this week. What can we do to make this work? He is my fiance. It's important that I be there." Put it this way: if you lose your job, you will lose it a half year later when you are under review, not because you asked for time now. Ask to leave -- they will likely allow some time -- and it's doubtful they will fire you for this reason unless you have a poor work record, in which case it will be a contributing reason, and that firing will happen 6 months or a year from now. I suppose it depends on your type of employment, but most employers would give you this time and not fire you unless there are other reasons at a later date.

[HisLove]

Absolutely ask for the time. This is an emergency, not a vacation. Be very firm in telling them that your fiance has been in a bad accident and he is seriously ill.

 

I hope everything goes well for you both and he makes a full recovery. You must be so worried.

 

Take care.

[TMichaels]

musical_nomad,

 

Explain what has happened to your employer and ask for the time off from work. I doubt they will fire you, probably the worst that will happen is that they will make you take the time off without pay.

 

Best of luck to you, and sincere hopes that your fiancee will be on the road to recovery soon. <hugs>

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Spidr]

I would definetly go....even if i loose my job. But it all the depends on your situation. I hope that he will recover soon. That I have hope he will. He will be very glad that you came to see him, and from my point of view it will be a highlight on your relationship in the future, which he will adore.

 

I hope for the best.

[curiousnycgirl]

Ok to be perfectly candid here, I need to tell you that calling in sick last week was completely useless, non productive, and time wasting. In the future think about what your next steps might be before you call in sick due to emotional stress.

 

In this case it puts you in a less favorable light with your management, because rather than needing whatever time you will be taking to be in the UK, the net effect is that you will be taking that time plus last week.

 

I believe you have a legitimate need to be over in the UK - and would be very hardpressed as a manager to say no to such a request - however from a long term job prospect perspective, behaviour like this makes it hard for me to justify my staff.

 

Are you able to work remotely for your company? If so suggest you can take a laptop with you, and get some work done while not tending to your fiancee (that will look good to management - especially if you do it).

 

Bottom line here is that you need to do whatever you feel is right. If the job is not waiting for you when you get back, so be it - it's only a job!

[whichwayisup]

You tell them you need to take some time off due to an emergency with your fiance. Your employer really can't lay you off from taking afew weeks off. If they give you hassle about it, talk to your HR department. Or, worst case senario, book the time off as vacation time.

 

Anyway, all the best and I hope he feels better soon.

[Meaplus3]

I am in a transatlantic long distance relationship. He lives in the UK and I am in the US. We've been dating for two years and we are engaged to be married.

 

I got a call from his mother last week that he got into a motorcycle accident. She says that he is in bad form and is unconscious (in a coma). Anyways, I call in sick last week because I was too distraught to go to work. Out of impulse I bought a ticket to fly out at the end of next week.

 

I am coming in to inform my supervisor of the situation and that I need to leave at the end of the week. I have been working at this company for 3 years and have been a stellar employee except my attendance is not so great. I have been suffering from illness myself. I know FMLA doesn't apply for boyfriend.

 

Did I make a mistake without asking my employer first? From the likes of it, I don't want to waste time getting to him because his condition is unstable. What should I do?

 

Oh yes you must certainly go! This is an emergency situation which I am sure would call for some time off. I hope your fiance get's better real soon. hug's.

 

AP:)