pandastew Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 My ex-girlfriend and I were together for 4 months. Everything seemed to be going well. We were both very happy and deeply in love with each other. However, for the last month of our relationship she seemed a little different and a bit more distant. This was most likely as a result of exams. I decided to talk to her about this once exams ended in November and she thought it would be better if we just remained friends and started over. I didn't want to stay just friends but I agreed with her nonetheless. The next day we saw each other at a friend's party but we didn't talk to each other. Later that week we saw each other again at another friend's party. This time I wanted to just sit down and talk things through with her and maybe try and reconcile our differences and give the relationship another chance if she was willing. She said she didn't want to talk right now so I left it at that. The next day I wrote a heartfelt poem and sent it to her rather foolishly. As expected she ignored it. We both went into NC from that point onwards. Three weeks later she spoke to me on google chat and told me her new email address. I wasn't talkative and kind of cold shouldered her. A few days later she went on holidays for 10 days with a group of common friends. When she returned in December she again tried speaking to me. This time I was responsive and we chatted for a few hours. She told me she was sorry for ignoring my attempts to talk to her at our friend's party back in November and that she really valued my friendship even though it may not have seemed like it. We spoke like we would have when we were together. That week we met up at my place with a group of common friends. I also got told by a close mate who was on holidays with her that she told him her biggest regret was ending our relationship. By this stage I had moved on a little and filled my life with activities to keep myself busy and my mind off her. We continued talking every night for a week until I went on holidays and so did she for 3 weeks. After she returned from her holiday she asked me how'd I'd been and we spoke again. That week I met a great girl at the shops so we decided to go out for a date the following day. That evening my ex found out from a mate that I was going out on a date the next day. She called me and we spoke for a few hours. She probed me for information about this new girl and told me that if I'm seeing someone I shouldn't hesitate to tell her. She also asked if she could meet the new girl if things went further with her. When I did end up going out with the new girl, things went well, but I started to remember the good times I had with my ex and I realised that I still had very strong feelings for her. Since my ex found out about the new girl she has stopped talking to me even though she told me she was fine with it. The other night she talked to me very briefly but didn't mention the new girl or ask how things were going. I know now that I still love my ex. My question is should I tell my ex how I feel and ask if we can give our relationship another shot or should I simply move on? Thanks.
oppath Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I personally feel you should ask your ex for another shot. If you get shot down, your feelings might disappear pretty quickly. It might give you a sense of finality as you have been wondering the past couple months about whether you could have another chance. End that chapter of your life one way or another. If you get a "no," you may find you are more over her than you thought. In that case, casually date the other girl, or just be honest "I really like you, but I recently ended a relationship. I'm not quite ready for another one."
Citizen Erased Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I have nothing to add other then I love your name
oppath Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Of course, I'm the type of person, if you dump me, you are dead to me . Not everything is that black and white. But if you do try with your ex, make sure you ask the relevant questions: why did we break up originally? what were the real reasons? Are we in a place to deal with those issues now, either by us having changed or a greater willingness and commitment? I had an on/off thing for a while, and now it's looking like it might go back on. I need to put on the brakes and ask those tough questions. It's easy to get carried away when you miss someone and enjoy their company, but if you just wind up hanging out and then back in bed and you are "back on," that is not a recipe for a relationship. You really need to discuss things. Otherwise, the same problems will resurface.
Author pandastew Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 Thanks for the input guys. Really appreciate it. I've decided to tell her how I feel and discuss it all with her tonight, if she's available. Shall keep you guys posted on how things go. If it's possible, I'd appreciate any suggestions on things we should discuss. Thanks.
vivrantflo Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 When I did end up going out with the new girl, things went well, but I started to remember the good times I had with my ex and I realised that I still had very strong feelings for her. Since my ex found out about the new girl she has stopped talking to me even though she told me she was fine with it. The other night she talked to me very briefly but didn't mention the new girl or ask how things were going. I know now that I still love my ex. This right here, totally proves that NC/LC works under the right circumstances. Let her know that you still care about her, and hope for a second chance. She seems reasonable, and shouldn't hold resentment for you dating, since she was the one that ended it. I think you two will be just fine.
bustertypsy Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 This right here, totally proves that NC/LC works under the right circumstances. Let her know that you still care about her, and hope for a second chance. She seems reasonable, and shouldn't hold resentment for you dating, since she was the one that ended it. I think you two will be just fine. I agree with viv........If you love her then go with your instincts.Some relationships come on leaps and bounds from the lessons learnt during a break up.Life and love are a learning process....live and learn....and love
Author pandastew Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 I spoke to her last night. She was busy at the time but she told me she felt flattered that I still had feelings for her and we've decided that we should hang out together first before getting back together again. She also told me to ring back again tonight when she's not busy.
Author pandastew Posted February 9, 2008 Author Posted February 9, 2008 (edited) This Tuesday we hung out together at her place. We were both flirting a bit but she didn't bring up anything about our relationship. When I was leaving however she asked me for a hug. Then on Thursday I invited her over with a group of common friends. We ended up spending most of the day together again, but once again she didn't mention anything about our relationship. When she was leaving however she once again gave me a big hug before going. Anyway my question is why does she insist on hugging me now when leaving even though she hasn't said anything about our relationship? I should add that when we were together we would always hug each other before leaving. Is she just toying with me or is there any reason for her behaviour? Thanks. Edited February 9, 2008 by pandastew
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