NightmareBabe Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Hello everyone. I'm new here. We've been married almost three years, together five. He has worked with this company for 11 years. Six months ago we started a business. This is something he has wanted to do for his whole adult life. When we started our business I saw a change in him right away. I have never seen him so happy and passionate about something. But, as of now this business we rin is only a part time thing. We both have day jobs. I love my job, he hates his. Now, when I say he hates his job I mean he really hates it. He despises how the place is run and wants to leave. Last night about an hour before he left for work he got really emotional and started crying. He kept saying he can't take it anymore and doesn't want to go to that place ever again. He asked me to get him an application where I work, which I did. I hate seeing him like this. When we are working on our own thing he is so happy, then when he has to go to work at his regular job he gets so depressed. And it seems like nothing I say makes him feel better. It breaks my heart seeing him cry. I hate seeing him come home exhausted and upset and stressed out. He has never gambled until recently. He started buying lottery tickets just because there is a faint chance we might win and he can quit his job. Tonight when he left he wasn't feeling good. He texted me about 20 minutes ago saying he is putting his two weeks notice in tonight. I am behind him and I support him. But my question is what can I do to make him feel better? He says he feels like a failure and he is worried about what our families will think. He is also worried about our finances. And so am I. What if it takes him a while to find a job? I don't make enough to support us. And I also don't know what to tell my family when they ask me why he quit after so long. Sorry this sounds so jumbled. I appreciate anything anyone has to say.
whichwayisup Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Can't you two survive a little while with your one job and together then run the other business? If he hates his job so much, enough that it's making him physically sick, he needs to leave. Mental health is very important and if he can find something else to make him happier, then allow him the time to do that. You two aren't going to starve or go broke. Watch your money, budget properly and cut down on going out, and the spending. Cook more rather than go out and eat. You two are a couple and together you should support eachother. I mean, I'm sure if you hated your job and wanted to leave, you would want his support right? Don't worry what ANYONE else thinks. This is YOUR life, not your family's and not his family's. Why can't the parttime buisness become a fulltime thing? Atleast for him it could be..
Computers Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 We cannot give much advice untill you reveal what type of job he does, what type of background he has (educational and vocational) and the transferability of such skills to another job, and ease of getting another job that's comparable to his current job's pay.
Author NightmareBabe Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 Can't you two survive a little while with your one job and together then run the other business? If he hates his job so much, enough that it's making him physically sick, he needs to leave. Mental health is very important and if he can find something else to make him happier, then allow him the time to do that. You two aren't going to starve or go broke. Watch your money, budget properly and cut down on going out, and the spending. Cook more rather than go out and eat. You two are a couple and together you should support eachother. I mean, I'm sure if you hated your job and wanted to leave, you would want his support right? Don't worry what ANYONE else thinks. This is YOUR life, not your family's and not his family's. Why can't the parttime buisness become a fulltime thing? Atleast for him it could be.. Um... ok. Not really sure where to start here. Mental health is very important and if he can find something else to make him happier, then allow him the time to do that. Did you not read the part where I said I support him in this decision? I was trying to avoid giving figures here, but I make about 20k a year. Not enought to support a household. We don't have kids. But all our expense for our own business are coming out of our pockets right now. And in Mid December we had an unexpected thing happen that pretty much cleaned our bank account dry. We still haven't recovered. You know what's in my cupboard right now, five packs of Ramen noodles. That's what we have to eat for the week. Our electric bill hasn't been paid, our car payment hasn't been made either this month. We don't go out to eat. Lately we don't go anywhere unless we have to. You say we won't go broke, we are broke. Why can't the parttime buisness become a fulltime thing? Atleast for him it could be.. This is our goal. It's just not happening now because our business still has yet to turn a prophet. It's six months old. Right now we only run the business part time because we need to feed ourselves, clothe ourselves, pay rent, etc. We run a production company. Kind of hard to do all by yourself. You two are a couple and together you should support eachother. I mean, I'm sure if you hated your job and wanted to leave, you would want his support right? Once again, did you not read that I support him in this? I am posting asking how to make him feel better.
Author NightmareBabe Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 We cannot give much advice untill you reveal what type of job he does, what type of background he has (educational and vocational) and the transferability of such skills to another job, and ease of getting another job that's comparable to his current job's pay. He is a CNC machinist. High School education, with a short time in the military. But I am asking how I can cheer him up, not how I can find him another job.
Computers Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 He is a CNC machinist. High School education, with a short time in the military. But I am asking how I can cheer him up, not how I can find him another job. He will not cheer up until he find another job where it can help the household, you, and him financially. What size city do you live in? Can he get a temp job waiting tables or something in that nature where you wouldn't have to have romen noodles for more than twice a week? I am sure he will not be crying go to work as a waiter, will he? What's is so bad about his current job that he is physically ill from work? Abuse by boss or customer?
Mr. Lucky Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Can he get a temp job waiting tables or something in that nature where you wouldn't have to have romen noodles for more than twice a week? I agree, there's a ton of service sector jobs that he could get to put food on the table while he sorts things out. They may not be his dream gig (think Starbuck's Barista) but, considering that many offer night work, they'll get him over the financial hump while he looks for something he likes better. It can be tough - I worked 2 jobs for the first 5 years of my marriage ( gotta love those student loans ) and sleep was at a premium. But it got us by... Mr. Lucky
Green Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Im not realy sure what a CNC machinest is but the fact he works at night sounds shty. Look He really should try and stick it out till he has a different job he can start working, if he works at night then it shouldnt be hard for him to find a job to transfer to in the next few months. It is so much easier to find another job while working one. I've had some pretty horible jobs to the point where I was crying like a little baby just like he was and I didnt quit till I found a higher paying better quality job.
UnicornDreams Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Been though similar myself with my OH, he hated his job, left it, tried numerous other jobs to see if he make a living some other way whilst I supported us all but ended up going back to the same job he hated only worse cos he's now on nights and our quality of life is poor cos we never see each other! All for flipping money! Anyway, how to support him through this difficult time? Make sure he knows how much you love him regardless of circumstances, let him know you'll support him in any way you can. If you are good with words, help him rewrite his resume bringing out his 'transferrable skills' to help him find work in another field. Encourage him to go to the local job center (if you have one), they sometimes have counselling to help people change jobs and he can see what else is available. The hardest part is to not put pressure on when he's already feeling fragile, so use your nurturing skills to gently lead him into taking a more proactive approach to his circumstances. Be 'open' to any attempts he makes to discuss his feelings and concerns, listen to what he says and help him to work out a way forwards. Blokes are usually driven to seek solutions and tend not to like it when we present our own solution so you'll have to tread carefully around the male ego! Look at your finances together and see what sort of budget you need, talk to the bank, they may have a financial advisor who can help you. If he's finding it difficult to talk to you then suggest some independent counselling, he may be suffering mild depression and needing of some professional guidance - look for the signs, but be prepared for the fact that he's unlikely to admit to it!
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