nextel Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 When you started your A with MM/MW, what were you expecting from it? What was the bases of starting your A? Are things moving in the manner that you expected? If you were lied to about not being married, why could you not see that his inability to be avaliable to you was cause for concern?
GreenEyedLady Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I was lied to...I didn't find out his real status for over a year... He was not that unavailable, he always spent the night, he introduced me to his friends and coworkers and always took me out...I have a career that keeps me busy, was going to graduate school and had two small children myself, so I did not have all this extra time either... I just thought he was a commitmentphobe or it was a new single guy issue I hadn't seen before...We talked everyday on the phone and he worked alot...And not to give TMI but he is not a regular 8 hour day worker so that had a lot to do with it... And we are making the journey to making this right together...Some stuff he of course does on his own and I'm his support...It's tough sometimes but most of the time it is the best...
Author nextel Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 I knew walking into it that he was M. But he was offering me himself and his time in order explore the level of our relationship. He has showed me through his actions that he is serious. Thus far, I can say that he we are headed in the direction that I hoped once I fell for him. He is a man of very few words and his actions speak louder than words. He spends his free time with me, and communicates with me.
OWoman Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 When you started your A with MM/MW, what were you expecting from it? Hot passionate sex - a brief but intense fling. What was the bases of starting your A? We work in the same field and I knew his work. I wanted to engage with him professionally but when I met him physically I realised that was just one small part of him, and I really liked what I saw. So I spent some time checking him out, and then pounced. He'd never had an A before, though he'd been hit on many times by hopeful women, so was conflicted about whether or not to engage. We had a long chat about ground rules and expectations, about consequences and responsibility, and when he decided he was up for it I had my wicked way with him. Are things moving in the manner that you expected? Not remotely! I've had a number of As before and they were all so easy, pleasant, unproblematic. Well, for me anyway. I had no compunction dumping guys who didn't want to stick to the agreement or whose expectations shifted. But MM and I connected on all kinds of levels I'd not anticipated, and we realised that we both wanted something other than the A, and so have made the changes that requires.
imstunned Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I was lied to for 8 months. The "inability" to be available to me didnt cause me great concern immediately as he made up a whole alternative life as a mountian climber for me. Every time I saw him he stayed over, we were always in contact expect when he was up a mountain and then it was his "friend" in touch with me. I cant say what I expected out of the affair, given I never knew I was having one.
LadyDi Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 My A was started by me just as a flirting/fun way to pass some time at work (we have a very dull job) It wasn't suppose to be an A. Just flirting. We got carried away and it became physical, then after time, emotional. And no, we didn't want it to get emotional, this is causing some problems, no divorces or anything like that. But it's tough. So to answer your question, no it's not going where we wanted it to go, we didn't want it to go anywhere!
woe_is_me Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 When you started your A with MM/MW, what were you expecting from it? Um a one night stand really .. Not surprise dawn visits on any given day.. Not surprise phone calls at all hours of the morning.. Not evenings where he would come whisk me away for dinner and a movie to somewhere that if someone yelled out his name id have to drop his hand and walk ahead ?? Not turning up unannounced with gifts for myself and my children.. Not to fall in love Not to be thrown under the bus once his wife found out that he was being a naughty little boy... Not the broken heart and confusion... None of it really! But it happened.
simplegirl Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I wasn't expecting anything. I was just coming out of my M, in fact the day I met him was the day my D was supposed to be final. I guess I needed a boost. I knew he was in a R and I didn't want a R so in the beginning it was good. I didn't expect to fall in love with him and didn't expect him to get any feelings either. Things aren't exactly moving in the manner expected in the beginning at all. But here I am.......
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I would have to say that ones I was involved with I expected: the hot thrill of new lust fantastic sex deep connecting conversations butterflies in the stomach passion and most of all discretion I always had my own thing going on, and affairs for me were always meant to be separate and in no way affect what I already had going on. If the guy I was involved with got too close, I ended it. Too risky. The only time I fell in love with an attached person, I fell deeply in love with him and after six months found out that he was still with his girlfriend and he had simply failed to mention that significant fact. The breakup was very, very messy.
kchiapet95 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 When you started your A with MM/MW, what were you expecting from it? Honestly, I didn't have any expectations at the beginning. I just felt this amazing connection to him. Later on, he began to make promises, and my expectations grew. I loved him, I wanted to live together and I wanted to cook dinner for him, spend time with him...just enjoy him. What was the bases of starting your A? Are things moving in the manner that you expected? We worked together. He worked a lot, so we spent a lot of time together. Then he left the job, and I confessed that I had feelings for him. He confessed the same and down the slippery slope we went. It's over now, so no, they didn't move the way I expected. If you were lied to about not being married, why could you not see that his inability to be avaliable to you was cause for concern? When we first met, I didn't know he was married. He never wore a ring, never talked about her. After several months it came out that he was indeed married. He told everyone who would listen how unhappy they were and that they lived separate lives and were only staying together for the children and "it was understood" he was leaving when the youngest graduated high school. I believed this because my parents did the exact same thing, and my father indeed left when I graduated from high school. I've learned my lesson.
Babybird Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I sure as hell wasn't expecting what I ended up with but I'm glad it started. For those of you that aren't familiar with me I was the OW for 15 months. His W then gave him the boot to be with her BF. Talk about Karma. The A started as a joke really. I was never lied to. It was flirting, what I thought would be up being a one night stand just to prove a point, then a friendship, then love, and now what we are today. I never expected to meet the love of my life. This man is incredible and even if he had an A that doesn't take away from who he is to me. I believe that all of the time that we spent together hiding was a great way to form a friendship and get to know each other. The only thing we had was each other.The only people that really understood what we were going through were us! I learned so much about how to communicate and express my feelings. For a long time they were very intense feelings of hurt, and frustration. Now the incredible feelings of love, feelings I didn't think possible to be stronger, are ten-fold. I am extremely happy and looking forward to what the future holds for us.
Babybird Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Good for you BB!!! It's good to see you back! And with such positive news! I'm glad it's working out for you! EEG I've missed you guys too! I think back to where I was when I first started posting here and see so much more now. I just hope that there is any false hope given where there shouldn't be, and hope given where there should. Ya know??!! LOL
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