slc64 Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I have a friend (male) that i'm very close to, i'll call him John just to make things simpler. John started dating "Mary" in mid October last year (they are both in their mid 40's) and within 6 weeks had given up his apt and moved in to her house with her. I should be happy for John that he's found someone who he says makes him very happy BUT i'm aprehensive and here's why.... Mary has been divorced for 5 years and in that 5 years has been engaged to be married to a man 9 years younger than her (who she also had living with her) and broke up 2 months before the marriage took place and then a couple of months later she started dating another man for almost a year (who also moved in to her house) and then split up with him and started dating my friend John 2 months later and like I said he moved in 6 weeks after they started dating. Confused yet? lol Both John and Mary are "needy" ppl but John hasn't dated anyone for the past 7 years so of course has fallen head over heels for Mary and she has had 2 long term relationships in the 5 years since her divorce and is claiming to be in love once again! Am I wrong to be afraid for John that he's going to end up getting hurt by Mary or do women like this eventually settle down or do they just get tired after the "honeymoon" phase is over and move on? They've been together a little more than 3 months now and so far so good but i'm still waiting for the bottom to fall out and my phone to ring with a devestated John on the other end of the line. What's your opinion on where this relationship is going or is it?
Trimmer Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I have a friend (male) that i'm very close to, i'll call him John just to make things simpler. Do you guys have a dating or relationship history? What's your opinion on where this relationship is going or is it? There's just really not enough information here to venture a guess. Usually we hear the inner feelings and observations of one relationship partner, and at least some direct observations of the other. In this case, you are a completely third party, relating only outside observations. The situation within their relationship could be anything, and we just don't have access to that here. Has John said anything, positive, negative, apprehensive, appreciative, whatever, about his relationship that factors into your concern (other than "gee, I wish we didn't have such stereotypical biblical names..."), or is it just about your independent concern for him, based on what you know of his history and hers? You sound to me a little dismissive of John's ability to recognize a healthy relationship and make sound decisions for himself. I think you sound a little bit, either "mothery" or "unrequited girlfriendy...", as if John is not an adult who can make sound decisions for himself ("John hasn't dated anyone for the past 7 years so of course has fallen head over heels...") Am I wrong to be afraid for John that he's going to end up getting hurt by Mary or do women like this eventually settle down or do they just get tired after the "honeymoon" phase is over and move on? They've been together a little more than 3 months now and so far so good but i'm still waiting for the bottom to fall out and my phone to ring with a devestated John on the other end of the line. I think it would help you to find a balance in your feelings here. Is it wrong to be anxious about your friend getting hurt in a relationship? Of course not. But there's a balance to be struck somewhere between there and sitting around "waiting for the bottom to fall out..." How much would your close friend appreciate that attitude if he knew about it? Which would bother you more: if his relationship ends for some reason and "a devastated John" ends up calling you, or it ends and he handles it, learns from it, and a devastated John doesn't call for your support?
bmrrll07 Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 i think your friend made a mistake, but its his to make and all you can do is sit back and be there for him.
Author slc64 Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 Thanks for the replies so far (please keep them coming)! John and I had a relationship years ago but we decided we made better friends and we do. We developed an amazing friendship but that's all it is and i'm worried because of this woman's track record that she'll hurt my best friend but wanted an opinion from someone on the outside because obviously my opinion is going to be biased. We haven't talked much as of late because we don't hang out much anymore obviously lol but I did hear from a mutual friend of ours that he's given or is planning on giving Mary an engagement ring for her birthday which is in 2 weeks....2 weeks before their 4th month anniversary of dating. To me this is on a dangerous track to destruction but I wanted to hear what you all thought.....
Capricciosa Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 All a little quick, and her track record does not sound good, but it might work, or they will both learn a big lesson. Both outcomes are fine. They're both old enough to know you don't die from a broken heart.
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