PerfectXPretty Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 hey all, Well i wasnt sure what category this should fit under, however i'm sure that if you're too nice too much you could become a doormat which emotionally abuses ya in a way, so i my question is... Where are the limits of being too nice & when is it someone can be too nice and become a doormat. I have a problem saying no, or if i do say no someone is going to think that i'm being a B*tch or something of the sort. Is it a bad thing that i'm afraid someone is going to get mad at me or think that i'm selfish if i say no? Or do you think because of being so nice people expect so much more out of me because i do say yes to do things to help people out all of the time. I'm not sure i just thought i'd bring up the topic to you kind LS members who can help me out if you'd like!>. so thanks for listening! - Laur Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 It depends on the situation on when to say no and when you're a doormat. Take care of yourself first, do what you want to do. If you don't want to do it, then say no and don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 hey all, Well i wasnt sure what category this should fit under, however i'm sure that if you're too nice too much you could become a doormat which emotionally abuses ya in a way, so i my question is... Where are the limits of being too nice & when is it someone can be too nice and become a doormat. I have a problem saying no, or if i do say no someone is going to think that i'm being a B*tch or something of the sort. That will be used against you, unfortunately. No one will think you are a bitch for saying no, in fact, only someone who wants to make you feel guilty will try to make you think that. Is it a bad thing that i'm afraid someone is going to get mad at me or think that i'm selfish if i say no? Or do you think because of being so nice people expect so much more out of me because i do say yes to do things to help people out all of the time. Even the most well meaning person will take more if you offer more. They may think you want to, no one can read your mind. Only you can draw your boundaries. I'm not sure i just thought i'd bring up the topic to you kind LS members who can help me out if you'd like!>. so thanks for listening! - Laur If it is something you want to work on, every day try asserting yourself or saying no in little ways. Then you will be able to when too much is asked of your time/emotions/etc. -For example, at the supermarket, ask for brown bags, not platic. -If you are waiting in line and someone cuts the line, politely but firmly speak up and tell them there is a line. -At the doctors office, ask when you can expect to be seen. -If you are (for example) asked to trade shifts with someone on a holiday, and you don't get anything out of it, say no. What are the things that are happening that make you ask this? It is really a general question, but more info about where this happens more could result in more specific advice! Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 hey all, Well i wasnt sure what category this should fit under, however i'm sure that if you're too nice too much you could become a doormat which emotionally abuses ya in a way, so i my question is... Where are the limits of being too nice & when is it someone can be too nice and become a doormat. The only way to know that is to know what your own boundaries are. Some people are temperamentally driven to help other people. So when they're doing things for others, they're happy in the sense that they're just doing what comes naturally. I suppose it's when you're dealing with people who perceive your helpful nature as something to be exploited rather than appreciated, that you have to be somewhat on guard. If you're dealing with someone who views helpful people as doormats, then you might start feeling like a doormat in consequence. Maybe a useful rule is that if you're starting to feel like a doormat, it probably means that you're having too much interaction with an exploitative or manipulative person. I have a problem saying no, or if i do say no someone is going to think that i'm being a B*tch or something of the sort. Is it a bad thing that i'm afraid someone is going to get mad at me or think that i'm selfish if i say no? It's not a "bad" thing. It just points to you being someone who avoids conflict and prefers a harmonious environment. It's not realistic to expect to go through life without having to handle any kind of conflict, though. The more you try to run away from it, the more it chases you like an ever-growing snowball tumbling down a hill. Being nice is great, but it won't always protect you from conflict or other people's judgements. At some point, you have to deal with that snowball instead of believing you can forever outrun it, or nicely dodge it. do you think because of being so nice people expect so much more out of me because i do say yes to do things to help people out all of the time. Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I wonder if there is even things such as psychological/emotional abuse that women in general tend not to pay any attention. Link to post Share on other sites
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