In a totally sticky and uncomfortable situation.

[mmj1981]

Hi everyone,

 

Basically I am a 30 year-old male and recently about a year ago decided to try Internet dating to meet someone special.

 

In April of 2007, I met a girl named Angela and we clicked off the bat. We talked for hours on MSN and although she was at first shy gave me her number. It took me some coaxing but she did it.

 

Then we talked for hours on the phone. Basically I asked her out for coffee but she declined saying that she was going thru some tough times in her life and really wasn't ready to meet in person. I asked 5 or 6 more times over the nexdt couple of months but she always declined.

 

So I gave up on her and in September I met a girl named Luisa. We went out for coffee and seemed to hit it of right away. She was really mature and seemed as devoted as me to finding a special someone.

 

We continued dating for about a month, but she kept stating that she wanted to hold off on the sex because she wanted to make sure that I just wasn't into it for that. I was extremely impressed! I got this image of her as being a good and respectable down-to-earth girl.

 

Then came a night when we first had sex. It went well but after I got some "male pain"--basically a bit of burning that I've had before (runs in my family supposedly but it's not an STI, my doctor confirmed this). So I was in a bit of pain and she was concerned I had an STI. I said no that I didn't then came the subject of past partners. Now I generally had stayed away from this discussion because she had proven to me that she was not one to jump into bed but I reluctantly said "8". Then when waiting for her answer she declined despite my coaxing. Finally she let out a timid "16". I was SHOCKED! Not that it makes her bad or "easy" but it was totally now what I had expected at all!

 

Anyway to some extent, my idealized view of her was kinda damaged, but I resolved to overlook it and carry on. So a couple of months went by and I still found myself struggling with this number. It reeeealllly bother(s) me. I guess people who have been with 20 or 30 or more ppl can't understand my reluctance--but then again, why would they? Anyway, I kept soldiering on. She was nice and really made an effort to impress me which she did.

 

Then around October, Angela reappears to say "hi". We had kept in touch but treated it like a friendship. I told her I had met a girl and that her name was Luisa. I confided in her a lot of things about her, like the number thing because we had such a close foundation. Interestingly enough, she agreed to see me for coffee which I did because I treated it like a friendship.

 

Then around the middle of November, things started to change. Luisa seemed to be acting a little different. We really only got together once a week from the get-go and she really wasn't one for chatting on the phone. Everytime I saw her it felt like a third or fourth date, although at this point we had seen each other well over a dozen times. Luisa I found really finds it hard to open up emotionally and is quieter compared to Angela. There are literally some akward moments sometimes where we're in a car or out for dinner and she doesn't say anything.

 

Then Angela comes out of the blue and says that she wants to give me a chance. At first I overlooked it, but it soon changed into text msgs daily to coffee to calling me sometimes. This went on for weeks and is still going on. I of course, being the great guy that I am did not sleep with, or even kiss or touch Angela out of respect. I always treated it like a friendship.

 

So basically, being that Angela knew about Luisa and the concerns I had about her, hounded me non-stop to dump her and give her a chance. She said that she "made a mistake" and that she should have gave it a chance back in April. Angela is attractive to me because she doesn't have the past that Luisa does, and she is way easier to talk to and we share similar interests.

 

Anyway, I have kept it off time and time again, and now it's January and Angela is saying that she "can't wait forever". I agree, she can't. But I find myself torn between both because although Luisa has problems opening up, is stubborn and has a bit of a past, I also know she's devoted and really wants a family too. Angela is attractive because she's pretty, she can talk and we share interests but I am worried she may hurt me because she seems a little fickle and has admitted to going on 1 or 2 casual dates with a guy or two because she's tired of waiting.

 

I also suffer from anxiety and panic disorder so this has been brutal. I've never broken up with a girl so don't know what to do. I don't know if I have it in me to go through with no matter who I decide to be with, but this procrastination could cost me either. I feel like I'm on a clock ticking down and may lose Angela if I don't resolve this decision fast, but then again maybe it's Luisa I should be focused on. It's been tough on me and my relationship with both has suffered and my view of them has been a little skewed--especially cause of the anxiety.

 

Someone said to dump them both, and I could, but at the end of the day that seems a little silly. If it doesn't work out fine, but at least I could concentrate solely on one or the other and give it a go.

 

Any suggestions?

[spookie]

What stuck out at me was how objective you are about both women's pros and cons. It led me to believe that you don't feel yourself even a little bit in love with either; and at this point in your relationships, I think those butterfly feelings are something that are either going to be there or not.

 

Also, it sounds to me like you like Angela more for a lot of different reasons (connection, physical attraction, mutual interests), but are willing to settle for Luisa because you're afraid it owuldn't work out with her. That is INCREDIBLY unfair to both you and Luisa. How would you feel if you knew you were someone's second choice?

 

We all deserve to be in relationships with people we'd pick over anyone else. You're really selling yourself short by commiting to someone you know you don't feel this way about.

 

Break up with Luisa, then figure out what to do about Angela. To me, it sounds like she's one of those super-jealous girls that don't wnat to date their friends, but don't want anyone else to date them, either. I may be wrong, but if I were you I wouldn't count on things working out with her, either. But, that doesn't mean you should stay with Luisa. You options are not just A or B. There's always the hidden C, which is keep looking.

[swordfish01]

Wow! you shouldn't pick either. Dig down deep and figure out what you really want. Either way someone, possibly you will get hurt in the end. But you need to be honest with Luisa. It never pays off to have exclusive meetings.

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

Wait, so are you seriously having exclusive meetings with your "friend" Angela? Are you really telling Luisa that Angela is just your friend while in actuality, you are talking to Angela about dumping Luisa and dating her instead? Ummm...in my opinion, you have already crossed a lot of boundaries in regards to your discussions with Angela. Just because you haven't done anything physical with Angela doesn't make what you're doing honorable or right. I feel very sorry for this Luisa girl if she really believes that you and Angela are "just friends" when in reality you are contemplating dumping her for this chic. I suggest next time being more honest with all parties involved, including yourself. Angela is not just your friend. She's just another option to you.

[EYECANDY000]

Break up with Angela. Sounds like she was a little hesitant to go out with you, and then once she found out someone else was in the picture , now she wants to come around.