Lee725 Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Hi everyone, i have been having a little problem lately. I have been meeting some new guys, the problem is that some are clearly not the type of guys i am interested in getting to know. I seem to not be able to say "No Thanks", to them when they ask for a date etc. I guess i am afraid of hurting their feelings? Normally i consider myself fairly up front & honest, but i just cant seem to work this one out. Any help/advice on how to say "NO" without being nasty would be appreciated.
InferiorityComplex Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Get a ring (cheap) that looks like a wedding ring, put it on the designated finger. ::points to ring and smiles:: "Sorry boys I'm taken" If you are interested though, flip the ring over so only the band is visible.
THE THRONE Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Get a ring (cheap) that looks like a wedding ring, put it on the designated finger. ::points to ring and smiles:: "Sorry boys I'm taken" If you are interested though, flip the ring over so only the band is visible. What if a truly nice guy see's her and doesn't approach because of the ring on her finger? OP, you need to simply smile and say no. If the keep it up tell them you don't have the time to devote to relationships or dating. Do it with a smile and make it sound real and most guys won't trip.
Author Lee725 Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Get a ring (cheap) that looks like a wedding ring, put it on the designated finger. ::points to ring and smiles:: "Sorry boys I'm taken" If you are interested though, flip the ring over so only the band is visible. I like that! - the girls i was with the other night, were both engaged/married so they had the armory, i was sitting there bare fingered! Prob is, i have a "walk on the beach" date booked this arvo & i so desperately need to cancel it! What do i say? - I can txt him, but what do i say? I feel so silly.
Author Lee725 Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 What if a truly nice guy see's her and doesn't approach because of the ring on her finger? OP, you need to simply smile and say no. If the keep it up tell them you don't have the time to devote to relationships or dating. Do it with a smile and make it sound real and most guys won't trip. Thanks Throne, as i said in my last post, i have one now that needs canceling, how would you go about that? Thanks
THE THRONE Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 I like that! - the girls i was with the other night, were both engaged/married so they had the armory, i was sitting there bare fingered! Prob is, i have a "walk on the beach" date booked this arvo & i so desperately need to cancel it! What do i say? - I can txt him, but what do i say? I feel so silly. You seem to like deceit and lies. So, call him up and tell him a whopper. EDIT: DON'T do that. Call him up, tell him the truth, and if you like the guy COUNTER OFFER with a specific time and date. Do NOT call at the last minute, you need to get offline now and call him.
InferiorityComplex Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Well since you have a date already planned I think the thing to do is to be honest with the guy. Tell him that you think it was really sweet of him to ask you out, but you really aren't interested and don't see you two going anywhere in a relationship. Sure it may hurt his feelings, but what are the chances that you are really going to run into him again, and even if you do that he will remember what you look like?
Author Lee725 Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 You seem to like deceit and lies. So, call him up and tell him a whopper. I find that REALLY offensive. you could not possibly make that kind of personality assumption about me based on what i have written about one date in regards to one person. I never lied to him & in my previous post was referring to my friends. I met him once and he called my shop the next day, the phone number of which is in directory assistance. I am trying to be nice & not hurt anyones feelings because i am trying to see it from the other side. I normally not in this situation therefore i am looking for assistance, but your assumptions of me are not offering me any help at all.
Author Lee725 Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Well since you have a date already planned I think the thing to do is to be honest with the guy. Tell him that you think it was really sweet of him to ask you out, but you really aren't interested and don't see you two going anywhere in a relationship. Sure it may hurt his feelings, but what are the chances that you are really going to run into him again, and even if you do that he will remember what you look like? Thanks inferiority complex. There is a chance i will run into him again, because we frequent the same pub, but if i am able to "let him down nicely" it should not be that awkward. He kind of cornered me without me even knowing it. He asked me out on the phone and then kept rambling on about different irrelvant issues almost to the point where he had me confused, believe it or not, then before i knew it i had agreed to meet him. I am not sure how he managed to do it?? Thanks for your reply.
THE THRONE Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I find that REALLY offensive. you could not possibly make that kind of personality assumption about me based on what i have written about one date in regards to one person. I never lied to him & in my previous post was referring to my friends. I met him once and he called my shop the next day, the phone number of which is in directory assistance. I am trying to be nice & not hurt anyones feelings because i am trying to see it from the other side. I normally not in this situation therefore i am looking for assistance, but your assumptions of me are not offering me any help at all. You're misunderstanding THE THRONE. THE THRONE said you liked lies because you said you liked the suggestion of wearing a ring on your finger to fool men into thinking you were married. BTW, THE THRONE edited his post before you even replied and he gave you great advice. If you like the guy and have to cancel, do so asap and make sure you counter offer. If you don't like the guy, you need to call him up and tell him you aren't into him like that, but DON'T feed him ANYTHING that has to do with "friends."
Phateless Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Lee - this really isn't that complicated. Just tell him "sorry not interested." To be honest, you feel guilty and you're afraid of that. Don't worry about their feelings. We're big boys, we can handle it. I am much more mad at the girl who says yes when she doesn't mean it than the girl who just says no in the first place. With all due respect, just grow up and tell them no in the beginning, instead of dragging it out like this. You're not doing anyone any favors.
Author Lee725 Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 With all due respect, just grow up and tell them no in the beginning, instead of dragging it out like this. You're not doing anyone any favors. I am sure that there are some things in your life that you have difficulty with, if not one can only hope to be as worldly as you seem. One thing for me is the word "no" as i do not like the feeling of rejecting people when they have had the courage to ask me in the first place. Hence i am asking for help in the right words or phrases to do it, rather than being advised to give a straight out "NO" which is what i have trouble with. I know i am not doing anyone any favours - which is why i am here asking for advice on how to do it! If i knew how to do it or had the ability to say straight out NO - i would not ask! Anyhow, in conclusion, i have spoken with him, and it has now been cancelled. Thanks to those who responded.
Phateless Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 What I'm saying is that "letting someone down gently" only leaves room for ambiguity which will result in him continuing to try. The nicest thing you can do for a guy is to just tell him kindly but firmly, outright in the beginning. A simple "no sorry, I'm not interested." will suffice. I've had girls say things like that to me and I'm fine with it. I don't hold it against them at all. In fact, I appreciate the fact that I won't have to call/think about it at all after that point. It sounds like this is about assertiveness for you. I know it is for me.
malaclypse Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I have been meeting some new guys, the problem is that some are clearly not the type of guys i am interested in getting to know. I seem to not be able to say "No Thanks", to them when they ask for a date etc. I guess i am afraid of hurting their feelings? Normally i consider myself fairly up front & honest, but i just cant seem to work this one out. Any help/advice on how to say "NO" without being nasty would be appreciated. "Just say no!" Be open and direct. Everything else is cruel. Us men have an amazing ability to misunderstand gentle rejection, so you should make it absolutely clear you are not interested.
Krytie TV Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Any help/advice on how to say "NO" without being nasty would be appreciated. Simply tell them you're flattered but you have a boyfriend. It's OK, we hear that all the time. And I know most of the time it's a line of crap, but I accept it as a polite rejection and move on.
mortensorchid Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 There's no right or wrong way to do things like this. But I think the worst thing to do is to not call the person again. If you have already planned the outing, go out to it. Then, I would simply tell him "This was a very nice evening, but I really don't feel that we have enough in common to pursue things any further." They will appreciate your honesty if nothing else. You have to bite the bullet and do it.
GuidanceDMS Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Lee - this really isn't that complicated. Just tell him "sorry not interested." To be honest, you feel guilty and you're afraid of that. Don't worry about their feelings. We're big boys, we can handle it. I am much more mad at the girl who says yes when she doesn't mean it than the girl who just says no in the first place. With all due respect, just grow up and tell them no in the beginning, instead of dragging it out like this. You're not doing anyone any favors. I completely agree 100%. I just had a girl do this to me for well, 2 months... I had to talk to her and tell her that she could say NO and I would be fine. I am a man and I can handle it. Don't keep saying yes and make them start to develop feelings that will eventually hurt them when you do tell them no.
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