Jilly Bean Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Yesterday, one of my friends sent me a link to an online forum where people were openly discussing his personal life. Some guys were saying he's a great guy, total family man, salt of the earth, but some girls had written things about how he cheats on his GF, how he uses girls like playthings, etc. You get the point. Now, the pro athlete thing is a rodeo I have been to before, so I know you have to ignore these things. My friend, Senor Silver Patron, who I was hanging out with last night post-game, didn't allow me to do that, and it initiated a text convo. Me: is it true you currently have a girlfriend? Him: no...no girlfriend Me: pfft. you sure about that? Him: Last I checked I didnt Me: well then theres a young lady in town who would argue that with you. I read an earful about u and it made me sad and I feel like an idiot for the second year in a row. Him: cool. are you happy about patriots? (then he went on about football for a bit and about them playing the giants and how it will be a good game and Im not sure he had gotten the other message yet - lol) Him: earful from who? listen its the life of a pro athlete. I cant control what people say. it happens a lot to me especially in (city where he plays). Im sorry that happened Me: it just sucked to hear it. I liked you last year when we met and i had fun last week too. I cant change the fact how you feel but it sucked to hear how I am the flavor of the week. Him: like I said I have no control what women or people or anyone says about me. Im telling you its false. so its up to you what you believe Me: thats not who I am and not what Im about. I feel so stupid for thinking this time would be different. sigh. Him: either am I. not about that at all. Im sorry you had to go through that. Me: being with you like Ive been is not something I take lightly or spread around AT ALL. I loved your energy before we met and I still do. I just hate that this is a repeat of last year and I feel like an ass again and I wish I didnt care at all. Me: and if you find a pair of earrings in your pool room theyre mine and Id like to get them back sometime. and if not, thats cool and Ill take it as a loss. And then one this morning: Me: Wow. Some of us shouldnt be allowed to drunk text. lol. but I did mean that im not some nfl groupie who opens her legs for anyone. I dont get it but I know Im not meant to know everything. let me know about my earrings, ok? Id luv to get them back. stay warm! ps yes Im thrilled about the pats. even tho brady looked shaky. 19-0! OK, so CLEARLY the Bean went on a drunken insecurity bender last night. It happens. Thing is, it pissed me off that he was MORE interested in defending his reputation than he was in validating me feeling like one of the pack. I haven't heard back from him, and part of me feels like I wont. That its just easier for him to walk away than deal with how I feel. Its like I upset the cheery little apple cart, and if it takes only this, then FINE. Love sucks.
tanbark813 Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 I don't get it. Are you his gf or not? It sounds like you think you are and he thinks you're not.
Author Jilly Bean Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 I don't get it. Are you his gf or not? It sounds like you think you are and he thinks you're not. No...I don't think I am his gf at all. But, we did just spend 4 days in Maui together on a mini-vacation.
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 So, really, you two aren't committed to eachother. If you like him and think he's worth it, TALK to him and find out how he really feels about you.
Author Jilly Bean Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 So, really, you two aren't committed to eachother. If you like him and think he's worth it, TALK to him and find out how he really feels about you. No, we're not committed at all. We JUST started seeing each other again after a year. Thing is, he hasn't returned either of my last texts. Not last night, and not this morning. I think there comes a point where I come off like a stalker if I keep contacting him, dont you think? I guess I also think his silence DOES tell me how he feels about me.
Florida Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Jilly, were you baiting him with the "there is a young lady in town who would deny that" or do you know for a fact? The jist of the convo is that you are giving him room to say "no you are not the flavor of the week" and instead he is being all macho manly man and dismissing it with "I can't help what you think, or what others say". It says more about his personality than his actual dating situation. He wants you to not make waves, and if you do, you won't be rewarded with any reassurances beyond the barest minimum.
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 No, we're not committed at all. We JUST started seeing each other again after a year. Thing is, he hasn't returned either of my last texts. Not last night, and not this morning. I think there comes a point where I come off like a stalker if I keep contacting him, dont you think? I guess I also think his silence DOES tell me how he feels about me. Then back off abit and let him contact you.
Author Jilly Bean Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Jilly, were you baiting him with the "there is a young lady in town who would deny that" or do you know for a fact? The jist of the convo is that you are giving him room to say "no you are not the flavor of the week" and instead he is being all macho manly man and dismissing it with "I can't help what you think, or what others say". It says more about his personality than his actual dating situation. He wants you to not make waves, and if you do, you won't be rewarded with any reassurances beyond the barest minimum. FLA - it was just from the crap I read online about him last night. Yes, I think I gave him AMPLE opportunity to tell me I had it wrong, and he refused to take any of them. Yep, he did put it down to, this is the life of a pro - roll with it, or dont. I dont think I even got the bare minimum of reassurances! Or did I miss it? lol. I felt pretty dismissed, and I still do. Like you said, he doesnt want the waves, but yet he wont do anything to steady the boat a bit.
Author Jilly Bean Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Then back off abit and let him contact you. Yes, I think I can only do that. As much as I would love to drive to his house to talk to him, I think it would freak him out, and shut him down. All I can do is walk away. If he comes back, fine, we can talk, and if not, then I have my answer on his intentions.
Florida Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 He's doing the take it or leave it play, especially that the lack of returning a text or 2 is added. He wants you to know who is in control here. So, WWIU is right, if you want clarity either way have a face to face. And stay off the drunk MSN'ing! That is a conversation to have in person!!!
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 FLA - it was just from the crap I read online about him last night. But if you two do get serious then you can't go reading crap like that because people make that stuff up too. You two have to build a trust and not let "outside" forces get in the way. Why did you two break up in the past? (Sorry I can't remember your past story here with this guy) Yes, I think I gave him AMPLE opportunity to tell me I had it wrong, and he refused to take any of them. Yep, he did put it down to, this is the life of a pro - roll with it, or dont. True..
Author Jilly Bean Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 He's doing the take it or leave it play, especially that the lack of returning a text or 2 is added. He wants you to know who is in control here. So, WWIU is right, if you want clarity either way have a face to face. And stay off the drunk MSN'ing! That is a conversation to have in person!!! Yep, he's telling me either you play by my rules, or we dont play at all. But Homie dont play that! Yes, I really dig him, but I also am not going to get into this kind of dynamic with a guy. I know hes young, and this is how he handles issues (by NOT handling them), but I need someone who will step up a bit more. I agree - face to face would be best. But, if he doesnt contact me back, and I wont contact him again (it becomes too much at this point, me thinks), then we end this as a stalemate, and dont see each other again. And I fully blame Senor Silver Patron...
Author Jilly Bean Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 But if you two do get serious then you can't go reading crap like that because people make that stuff up too. You two have to build a trust and not let "outside" forces get in the way. Why did you two break up in the past? (Sorry I can't remember your past story here with this guy) True.. What happened last year is that we dated for a few weeks, had sex, and he had, uh, a less than stellar performance. We didn't see each other again, though we did stay in touch, and he left for training camp right after that. We recently got together again since he is back home. Agreed on the outside forces thing. I can understand him wanting me to believe him unilaterally, but I would think he has to realize that kind of trust gets built up, its not a given.
StartingOver07 Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 JB, I don't know your history with this guy but I think he responded just fine considering that your r/s with him is new (i.e., not bf/gf) and that you were having this exchange via text! He repeatedly told you that he does not have a gf, told you twice that he's sorry this happened. He also says "either am I. not that way at all." when you say that's not what you're about. Ok, so he doesn't directly assuage your feelings of not wanting to be perceived as an NFL groupie, but I do think he addressed your concerns as well as can be expected in text. Me: is it true you currently have a girlfriend? Him: no...no girlfriend Me: pfft. you sure about that? Him: Last I checked I didnt Me: well then theres a young lady in town who would argue that with you. I read an earful about u and it made me sad and I feel like an idiot for the second year in a row. Him: cool. are you happy about patriots? (then he went on about football for a bit and about them playing the giants and how it will be a good game and Im not sure he had gotten the other message yet - lol) Him: earful from who? listen its the life of a pro athlete. I cant control what people say. it happens a lot to me especially in (city where he plays). Im sorry that happened Me: it just sucked to hear it. I liked you last year when we met and i had fun last week too. I cant change the fact how you feel but it sucked to hear how I am the flavor of the week. Him: like I said I have no control what women or people or anyone says about me. Im telling you its false. so its up to you what you believe Me: thats not who I am and not what Im about. I feel so stupid for thinking this time would be different. sigh. Him: either am I. not about that at all. Im sorry you had to go through that. Me: being with you like Ive been is not something I take lightly or spread around AT ALL. I loved your energy before we met and I still do. I just hate that this is a repeat of last year and I feel like an ass again and I wish I didnt care at all. Me: and if you find a pair of earrings in your pool room theyre mine and Id like to get them back sometime. and if not, thats cool and Ill take it as a loss.
Star Gazer Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 ...he wont do anything to steady the boat a bit. Why would he? "That's the life of a pro" - he's telling you that YOU either deal with it, or don't. Doesn't sound like he's even amenable to doing or saying anything to quash your concerns. Quite selfish, IMO. You deserve more. I don't remember - why did you too stop seeing each other last time? Is there a pattern re-emerging?
D-Lish Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 I don't think you're coming off as a Stalker. If you are intimate with someone- you have a right to know if your sexual health is in jeapordy... If I am dating someone and I am sleeping with them- I won't sleep with others- and I expect them not to either out of respect. That doesn't mean "committment"... it means respect. So you had a right to ask that question of him. Guys just hate drama...they don't get it, they don't relate to it, and they don't want to deal with it. Unfortunately- drama is a female trait. Well, they call it drama, we call it emoting. And it's just one of those things men and women don't reconcile well with. Even a little emoting to some men is drama. I don't think the guy would take you away for four days and then never talk to you again. The only reason he might disappear is because he has been lying and does have a gf. A little time will reveal the truth. I drunk e-mailed the other night. Pffft. I think I did some irrepairable damage. lol. I bet you will hear from him soon enough.
Author Jilly Bean Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 JB, I don't know your history with this guy but I think he responded just fine considering that your r/s with him is new (i.e., not bf/gf) and that you were having this exchange via text! He repeatedly told you that he does not have a gf, told you twice that he's sorry this happened. He also says "either am I. not that way at all." when you say that's not what you're about. Ok, so he doesn't directly assuage your feelings of not wanting to be perceived as an NFL groupie, but I do think he addressed your concerns as well as can be expected in text. Yes, you're right, he did do all that. I guess then what is disturbing is that he has NOT returned any of the last texts I sent him last night, nor this morning. I wonder if maybe he feels like it was too much drama, or too much emotion and he doesnt want that. Thats what makes me think he has moved on and is over it.
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 And remember, he's a GUY so chances are, he isn't going to pour his heart out to you, atleast not yet. From what you've said so far, even last year when you two were together, it wasn't too serious. The choice is yours but if you like this guy and can see yourself in a serious relationship with him, then you need to lay it out on the line with him and TALK to him about how you feel. I agree what startingover has said as well..
Florida Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Yep, he's telling me either you play by my rules, or we dont play at all. But Homie dont play that! Yes, I really dig him, but I also am not going to get into this kind of dynamic with a guy. I know hes young, and this is how he handles issues (by NOT handling them), but I need someone who will step up a bit more. I agree - face to face would be best. But, if he doesnt contact me back, and I wont contact him again (it becomes too much at this point, me thinks), then we end this as a stalemate, and dont see each other again. And I fully blame Senor Silver Patron... It is a lot to expect , as a celebrity in the spotlight, that you won't need to care about what is being said in the media. I think he could ideally reassure you a bit more than that. I guess you just wanted to know where you stood. I recall reading some relationship book where a former player was (gasP!) offended beyond words that his new love interest actually hinted at his player past to ask if he was still like that. He was so upset that she didn't trust him, he dropped her even though she had potential for being "the one". And he kept going on and on about how a guys actions will tell you what you need to know. That she asked him showed she didn't have faith in him, and distrusted him. I have so many issues with that, I don't know where to start. But yeah, it is a problem if he thinks he can dismiss it with a wave-and you (understandably) needed a bit more clarity based on rumours(?).
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Also, this took place ONLINE, through IM/text messages...(or was it by phone) Anyway, it's easy to read into something, have weird feelings when having certain discussions online, and you can take something the wrong way, out of context. You don't know his tone, nor did he really know yours... Give it afew days and call the guy.
Author Jilly Bean Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 I don't think you're coming off as a Stalker. If you are intimate with someone- you have a right to know if your sexual health is in jeapordy... If I am dating someone and I am sleeping with them- I won't sleep with others- and I expect them not to either out of respect. That doesn't mean "committment"... it means respect. So you had a right to ask that question of him. Guys just hate drama...they don't get it, they don't relate to it, and they don't want to deal with it. Unfortunately- drama is a female trait. Well, they call it drama, we call it emoting. And it's just one of those things men and women don't reconcile well with. Even a little emoting to some men is drama. I don't think the guy would take you away for four days and then never talk to you again. The only reason he might disappear is because he has been lying and does have a gf. A little time will reveal the truth. I drunk e-mailed the other night. Pffft. I think I did some irrepairable damage. lol. I bet you will hear from him soon enough. Hey, D! I agree. You can imagine how my heart sunk when I was reading these things about him. Particularly after the trip... Admittedly my methods weren't the best, but remember, hes a manchild, and sometimes the direct approach doesnt work as well as it would on an older guy. lol. You're right - if he does disappear, then it could be because he does have a GF in the city he plays in, and figures I am too hot on the trail to be easy about it all and not cause problems down the road (because I am the type who would - lol). I just really think since he hasn't responded to my last messages that he has moved on from the "drama", ie. female emotions. And that makes me sad AND pisses me off. Please start a thread with what you did the other night so I can rightfully comment on it! lol. Girl, so been there and (doing) that.
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 It is possible that he hasn't gotten your messages yet. OR he just needs a day to think things through. Don't panic quite yet.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 If you two aren't a couple im sure the last of his concerns is trying to validate a rumor. Since he is an athlete im sure he goes through this type of situation every week. He takes it for what its for and chuckle it up. He apologized for you having to read about him, but it seems like that's all he felt like he had to apologize for. People who always have the light on them have to be very cautious when it comes to everyone. And honestly if I was a celebrity and someones message is I am not a groupie! then guess what? you are. And they are the ones you hang out with, but don't invite them in your life
Star Gazer Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Jilly - have you considered that while he might not think he has a girlfriend, there might be a girl (girls?) who DO think they are his GF, hence the online posts about him? Guard your heart, lady!
Author Jilly Bean Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 WWIU - you are correct. Last year was not serious, not has this year been yet either. Both times, just too new before a wrench was thrown in, and it ended. I would love to talk with him, but since hes gone silent on me, I am beginning to think this might not be an option any longer... I am sure he got the messages, but youre right - perhaps he does need time to process it all and decide how he wants to, if at all, respond. I still feel like the ball is in his court, and if he doesnt move the ball, then its over. AGAIN. Florida - agreed. He has to understand that with his job, there comes a lot of rumors and heresay. He also has to understand that he may be called upon from time to time to assuage said rumors. I mean, Im not a rock, and I cant be expected to ignore EVERY girl who claims she is banging my guy. I can see him being upset if I didnt trust him, though I never once said I believed the things I read. I just really think because of his age, and job, that he will blow this off again, because its just easier to walk away and find someone new, than it is to stand and work things out. In your 20s, you think you will find innumerable amounts of people that you will have a great connection with. Its only when you get in your 30s that you realize it doesnt come around quite that often. I guess thats why hes always been worth working out to me, and why hes always been great at walking away. Only to return a year later...
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