Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 After reading this, there are obviously numerous reasons why people cheat. None of us are brainwashed. If any one of us is engaged in a relationship with a MM or MW, we can walk out. We are not being forced to stay with the person. IMO, it comes down to morals and what people value in life. Hope that made sense. Ridder, I can get. I totally get that there are all sorts of reasons why people cheat and YES, we can walk out. I don't get those who couldn't... why is that? I asked my friend who is seeing a MW why not walk out of it now that you know she's married? He said he just couldn't. I'm sure there is an answer to that?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Riddler, you just summed the entire thread right there. Morales, or lack there of. That's why people cheat, or have affairs with married people. Sense of right and wrong is present but presently ignored.
Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 I get that... too late to edit! You snooze you lose, right? :-P
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Ridder, I can get. I totally get that there are all sorts of reasons why people cheat and YES, we can walk out. I don't get those who couldn't... why is that? I asked my friend who is seeing a MW why not walk out of it now that you know she's married? He said he just couldn't. I'm sure there is an answer to that? I JUST had an experience that might help answer that. I'm married, right? And as rocky or on the divorce edge it may be, I AM legally married. Some one I've known for oh, 8 years, that I haven't seen in 6, started messaging me online some explicit things. And then said he's in love with me. And knowing I'm married, he doesn't want to make me uncomfortable. BUT THAT HE COULD NOT HELP IT. He said he's always been in love with me, still is, can't help it, and can not control it and thus is saying good bye for good because he knows he made me uncomfortable with all of it. So, those people, like him, I'd say, to answer your question, just can NOT control their feelings, can NOT help themselves, as he can't.
Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 BUT THAT HE COULD NOT HELP IT. He said he's always been in love with me, still is, can't help it, and can not control it and thus is saying good bye for good because he knows he made me uncomfortable with all of it. So, those people, like him, I'd say, to answer your question, just can NOT control their feelings, can NOT help themselves, as he can't. That is sad, isn't it? Will it help him if he gets professional help? By that I mean by seeing a therapist not a hooker
Pyro Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Riddler, you just summed the entire thread right there. Morales, or lack there of. That's why people cheat, or have affairs with married people. Sense of right and wrong is present but presently ignored. I forget the word, but there is a word that means if it feels good to the individual, then it is not wrong. I am sure that some who do engage in affairs attempt to justify it in that regard. Got it. The word is egoism.
OWoman Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Yip, I am daddy's little princess and actually, that is real life. As far as I know, this is a public forum. Anyone can ask whatever they want. I want to understand situations some people are in. If you can't contribute, fine with me. You don't have to post. I know no one owes me any answers but I do get some really good responses, can't say much about yours coz you know what you're doing is wrong. Deep down inside you know and it is slowly ripping you apart but wait a minute, that's YOUR life so you want to be an OW for the rest of your life.... go ahead. I admire those who gave really good insights on why people cheat and one or two of OW who responded. Can't say the same about some people. Don't have anything to say, just don't post. Believe what you want. I have no desire to engage in convincing you otherwise. Or even "explaining" to you to help you "understand", since you've already said you won't (or can't). That is your choice, and I'm exercising mine.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 That is sad, isn't it? Will it help him if he gets professional help? By that I mean by seeing a therapist not a hooker No kidding. It really is sad, I mean, he and all like him can find nice girls, single and up for grabs, but focus their feelings towards the unattainable.
Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 I forget the word, but there is a word that means if it feels good to the individual, then it is not wrong. I am sure that some who do engage in affairs attempt to justify it in that regard. Got it. The word is egoism. That's what I thought. Is it wrong that I don't agree with their "lifestyle"? Is it wrong that I have, like Justice said "a good head on my shoulder"? Did I say I don't want to understand?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 No, I would say you want to understand the thought process of some one else. The opposite side's view point. I believe in God, but I'm open to listen to an Atheist speak, as I don't understand them, and it helps to understand them if I listen. Doesn't mean I'll convert or anything. Having a good head on your shoulders is never bad or wrong. And you have the right to feel how you want on topics. You don't have to agree with their life style, or the other way around.
Pyro Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 That's what I thought. Is it wrong that I don't agree with their "lifestyle"? Is it wrong that I have, like Justice said "a good head on my shoulder"? Did I say I don't want to understand? Just my observation, but those type are always a tad more defensive then everyone else, which makes sense. A majority of society looks down upon that type of behavior. IMO, it is merely impossible to have a conversation like this with them and have it stay on a civil level.
Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 No kidding. It really is sad, I mean, he and all like him can find nice girls, single and up for grabs, but focus their feelings towards the unattainable. It's easier to deal with like some the replies I received. Do you get hit on by attached men alot? Last weekend, I went clubbing and saw a bunch of MM sitting ogling at the younglings. They had their rings on... later on my way to the ladies, I saw one of them making out with a girl!! What does that tell you about the girl? She doesn't care? I guess she shouldn't if she wasn't looking for long term??
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Wow, that situation in the club, I just have two words for those people. To the husband: Scum. To the girl who didn't care he was married: Slut. Can I say that word on here? It's true though, such contraversial topics are hard to keep civil, just like religion. Anything in such extremes is hard to debate with out getting ugly in most instances.
Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Just my observation, but those type are always a tad more defensive then everyone else, which makes sense. A majority of society looks down upon that type of behavior. IMO, it is merely impossible to have a conversation like this with them and have it stay on a civil level. Can I say that word on here? It's true though, such contraversial topics are hard to keep civil, just like religion. Anything in such extremes is hard to debate with out getting ugly in most instances. It makes sense but what do they expect? They are doing something wrong, aren't they? I'm really asking this because some people actually think it's alright to mess around with someone's spouse/partner. Yes, I know some are "in love" with their MM/MW and MM/MW "in love" with their OW/OM but please, don't they want something more? You will always want something more, if not that you'll end up giving up on waiting and what not. Then you wasted all those years.... growing old alone.... EP, lol I couldn't have said it better!! Yip, I know some people just can't take it and they end up saying nasty things and such.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 You know what my biggest problem with the concept of OW/OM is? Two's company, and THREE'S A CROWD.
Pyro Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 You know what my biggest problem with the concept of OW/OM is? Two's company, and THREE'S A CROWD. My biggest problem is the lack of communication that is being displayed. If someone goes out of their marriage to cheat, then there must be something that they are not happy about at home and instead of attempting to solve that problem, they do what is easier for them.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 It's their way of running from reality, and slipping into a fantasy bed with a fantasy lover, and the reality is they're married, cheating, and when they go back home the problems will still be there. You're right, avoiding it that way is completely and 100% the wrong answer. But again, I feel there is NO problem great enough in a relationship to condone cheating, affairs. I don't care how bad it gets. And if it's really so bad, get out of it. Don't lie in your fantasy bed. (Whoever you is)
Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Three is a crowd... but someone will argue that "it's not that we're all in the same bed together!". Are single guys really hard to find? I meet them everywhere I go!
Pyro Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Are single guys really hard to find? I meet them everywhere I go! see post 12.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Three is a crowd... but someone will argue that "it's not that we're all in the same bed together!". Are single guys really hard to find? I meet them everywhere I go! Well even if three's not physically in the bed, trust me, they are there in one heart or head or another. Single people are everywhere. There ARE some people that are sick and need help who like the entire idea of the affair.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Ah, rejection, and why don't MM and MW reject the slimes that hit on them??
Trialbyfire Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I have some difficulty with the concept of "must engage with other, because I couldn't help it, it just happened, I didn't mean for it to happen". Wha? Are we all animals, that we can't exert a little control over ourselves? Must we act on every attraction and from there, fall in lurve? It's one thing to act on attraction when you're single, to a single person, and a whole 'nother thing to break your vows or engage with a previously committed partner. I don't get it and will never get it. Are people so weak and/or desperate, that they can't walk away?
Author Leia Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 I have some difficulty with the concept of "must engage with other, because I couldn't help it, it just happened, I didn't mean for it to happen". Wha? Are we all animals, that we can't exert a little control over ourselves? Must we act on every attraction and from there, fall in lurve? It's one thing to act on attraction when you're single, to a single person, and a whole 'nother thing to break your vows or engage with a previously committed partner. I don't get it and will never get it. Are people so weak and/or desperate, that they can't walk away? You have some difficulty? Welcome! So do I!! Read what the others said on OW/OM board. Why is it so hard for some people? It wasn't hard for my aunt.... it was coz she loved that cheating idiot but she couldn't be with him anymore. My cousin is leaving his W coz she is cheating on him. I said NO so many times to MM!! Why is it so hard for some people? THAT is what I want to know... and please.... you just don't know how to explain it?! Are you freaking kidding me?! I guess.... yes, desperate and weak... or maybe they just don't think they deserve more.... which is really sad!
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