Leia Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 I noticed recently (could be coz I haven't been here that long) that new threads on cheating, OW/OM or infidelity being posted here on Loveshack. It got me thinking... for those who are "seeing" married people, isn't there any single man/woman for you to pursue? I can understand those who got into it not knowing that the married party is married but how about those who knew and still went for it? I'm really trying to understand from your point of view. I know it's not ok but I fail to understand the whole thing. As for those who are cheating on their wives or husbands, why cheat with another married person? Coz it's easier? Safer? I think it's safer to go for a single guy or girl or am I wrong? I read so often here that some stay for the kids but are you really? Or is that just some lame excuse? My aunt was cheated on by her sorry excuse of a husband and ex-husband didn't even bother staying for the kids. So what's the difference? My aunt's ex-husband did not love her that much after all? Or his kids? I don't condone anyone to cheat coz I saw what that did to my aunt. She was extremely hurt by it. She's happier than ever now, to be honest but I still don't think she can ever heal from the pain her ex-husband caused her.
malaclypse Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 It got me thinking... for those who are "seeing" married people, isn't there any single man/woman for you to pursue? I can understand those who got into it not knowing that the married party is married but how about those who knew and still went for it? I'm really trying to understand from your point of view. I know it's not ok but I fail to understand the whole thing. I was in love, and I believed her she would leave him. Her husband beating her made it seem quite realistic. After three months, I realised she would not leave him, and we went NC. I knew she was married from the start, and I know her husband. If I had known she only wanted an affair, I would never have slept with her. During the A, I rejected two (single) girls who wanted to date me. I was in love with her, and as long as there was hope, why would I date someone else...Dating someone while seeing someone else is the first step to cheating in my eyes, and I never cheated on any of my GFs, despite having the opportunity... Hope that helps...
Daphne Crane Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 It got me thinking... for those who are "seeing" married people, isn't there any single man/woman for you to pursue? I can understand those who got into it not knowing that the married party is married but how about those who knew and still went for it? I'm really trying to understand from your point of view. I know it's not ok but I fail to understand the whole thing. As for those who are cheating on their wives or husbands, why cheat with another married person? Coz it's easier? Safer? I think it's safer to go for a single guy or girl or am I wrong? I read so often here that some stay for the kids but are you really? Or is that just some lame excuse? My aunt was cheated on by her sorry excuse of a husband and ex-husband didn't even bother staying for the kids. So what's the difference? My aunt's ex-husband did not love her that much after all? Or his kids? I had said I would never date/have relations with a married man. And for a long time, I stayed true to my word. If a guy approached me and he was married, close to marriage, had a girlfriend, significant other, I didn't want to hear anything he had to say. But then, this person...someone from my past, someone I had feelings for that I buried came back into my life and we started back talking only as friends. Yes, I knew he was married but I thought once a friend, always a friend and nothing would ever come out of this but friendship. We talked (and still do) about everything...and one night, one thing lead to another. Did I feel guilty...yes I did because I knew where the line was and I did not plan on crossing it. Eventually I started back talking to him and I kept my distance but felt like he was keeping something from me, so I pushed the envelope. I found out he's been in love with me for many years. I told him, he has moved on and have gotten over me and that's that. Yes, it is safer and easier to go after a single person. But sometimes you can not help who you bond with and your head can tell you one thing... your heart can tell you something else but you follow your heart. Is that right.....NO but "it is what it is". Sometimes, we just get caught up in a situation. Some married people do stay in the marriage for the children. They may feel they won't be able to spend as much time with them living a two different households or the spouse that gets custody would keep the children away from the other parent. Some stay for the children because they don't want another woman or man raising their kids. As far as staying in a marriage because of the kids, I don't think that's a good idea. You can't say your aunt's ex-husband didn't love his kids because he cheat on her and they divorced. Children can see that something is not right...that mommy and daddy are miserable together and/or they argue all the time or they start drinking to cope with the relationship/marriage. What is that teaching them?
Author Leia Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 No, I know I won't be having anything to do with married men. I just can't. It's a choice. Even if I love that man, he's married so it wouldn't work for me. So why even bother?
justice Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 No, I know I won't be having anything to do with married men. I just can't. It's a choice. Even if I love that man, he's married so it wouldn't work for me. So why even bother? Leia, you have a good head on your shoulders and I commend you for it.
malaclypse Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 No, I know I won't be having anything to do with married men. I just can't. It's a choice. Even if I love that man, he's married so it wouldn't work for me. So why even bother? That's easy to say that when you are not in that situation, when you can think about it from a purely theoretical standpoint. Me, I always thought I would never get involved with someone who's not single, let alone who is married. But then...life happens...
Author Leia Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 I have been asked numerous times by a married party and I always end up saying no. I was involved with a few attached men not knowing they were/are attached but when I did, I ended it. What's so hard in doing that? That is what I want to know... why some people find it hard to end the relationship? Just because it happened to you, does not mean other people would go ahead with cheating.
Woggle Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I think that women who date married men do it because they know it won't work out and they are incapable of having a healthy normal relationship with another single person. They think it is no drama and just a fling but then many of them end up becoming attached and emotions get involved so they end up emotionally torturing themselves over a no good cheater that jut wanted some side action.
Pyro Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I think that women who date married men do it because they know it won't work out and they are incapable of having a healthy normal relationship with another single person. They think it is no drama and just a fling but then many of them end up becoming attached and emotions get involved so they end up emotionally torturing themselves over a no good cheater that jut wanted some side action. Thats a possibility but I think that a majority go into it not knowing that the guy is already taken or that the guy will keep telling her that he is going to leave his W, but of course he never has any intentions on doing so.
Woggle Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Thats a possibility but I think that a majority go into it not knowing that the guy is already taken or that the guy will keep telling her that he is going to leave his W, but of course he never has any intentions on doing so. There is a certain pecentage that are like that but many also fit my description.
Pyro Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 There is a certain pecentage that are like that but many also fit my description. No disagreement on my behalf.
BetrayedMM Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I have been told that the married choose affairs with the married because they consider it safer- less chance the partner will expose them, less chance of contracting STDs, less chance they will be rejected because they are already taken.
jenniferc1114 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I have never had an affair, contrary to what my h thinks. But I'll admit more men flirt knowing I'm married than not. I'm sure they not only feel safe, but I bet for men they think it would be cheaper. No wining & dining in public, no expensive gifts, and no 24/7 relationship to deal with.
redgirl688 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I am the OW. I never thought that I would ever end up in an affair - I don't think anyone who starts one seriously thinks "I need a married man" and goes for it. In my case we developed a friendship, there was always an attraction, he was miserable in his marriage and one day we crossed the line and there was no going back. I loved him and the fact that he was married became secondary. Why did my MM have an affair? Years of emotional neglect. And truthfully if his W wasn't a staunch catholic, and if they didn't have a child they would have been divorced years ago. I have found it very seldom that one person in a marriage is unhappy without the other being so as well. She suspected he was having an affair, did some looking and came up with some evidence. Since that time she has told him that she knew marrying him was a mistake in the first place because she was not in love with him. So what's worse - the fact that he cheated or that she married him knowing she didn't love him? Staying together for the kids? Forget it. They watch mommy and daddy have a dysfunctional relationship and learn from it. Better to have happy, healthy parents.
JustBreathe Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) edited because I went off on a tangent that had nothing to do with your question! sorry. You asked why it is married people seek out other married people to cheat with. I would say that mostly, it's what Woggle said. They are unhealthy people who can't handle a committed honest relationship. Edited January 23, 2008 by JustBreathe
Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 That's easy to say that when you are not in that situation, when you can think about it from a purely theoretical standpoint. Me, I always thought I would never get involved with someone who's not single, let alone who is married. But then...life happens... It's easy. You're right. I have been in that situation... if you read my thread, I have been through several situations and I still say NO to them. Some people can actually SAY NO to married men/women. Life happens.... it so happens that I say NO all the time....
Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 There was no going back? Whoa... how come it was easy for me? Yes... blame it on the W for being a staunch Catholic... why not!? Let me guess, he told you about W marrying him was a mistake?! I bet the answer is yes.
Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 edited because I went off on a tangent that had nothing to do with your question! sorry. You asked why it is married people seek out other married people to cheat with. I would say that mostly, it's what Woggle said. They are unhealthy people who can't handle a committed honest relationship. I definitely agree with Woggle too. I think it's just easier for them and I guess they just don't have high expectations.
OWoman Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 There was no going back? Whoa... how come it was easy for me? Yes... blame it on the W for being a staunch Catholic... why not!? Let me guess, he told you about W marrying him was a mistake?! I bet the answer is yes. You know, I was having a real problem understanding the purpose of this thread and the duplicate you posted elsewhere. You make it clear your mind is closed on the matter but you still ask the question you've decided you will never (want to) understand. Now, from this response, I get what you're after - affirmation! You ask a question and invite people to anser so you can knock them down, point fingers at them and laugh at them, and use their answer as a springboard to show yourself off as some kind of shining light. :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Of course you would think that. Like I said, I still have not gotten answers from those who are involved... well, not the answers I wanted. Nothing on WHY YOU STILL IN it. Yes, the numerous LOL emoticon says it all ~ you've nothing to say. I was proven right. I guess some of the posters who PMed me said the the truth about certain cliques on here.
OpenBook Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Of course you would think that. Like I said, I still have not gotten answers from those who are involved... well, not the answers I wanted. Nothing on WHY YOU STILL IN it. Yes, the numerous LOL emoticon says it all ~ you've nothing to say. I was proven right. I guess some of the posters who PMed me said the the truth about certain cliques on here. Your arrogance is breathtaking.
OWoman Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Of course you would think that. Like I said, I still have not gotten answers from those who are involved... well, not the answers I wanted. Nothing on WHY YOU STILL IN it. Yes, the numerous LOL emoticon says it all ~ you've nothing to say. I was proven right. I guess some of the posters who PMed me said the the truth about certain cliques on here. No one owes you answers. Perhaps you were a princess who always got what you wanted from Daddy, but real life is not like that. People make rational choices and decide what's in their best interests as well as those of others. Why would anyone want to engage with your question - especially when you've shown that you merely want a platform to perform on? (That's a rhetorical question, by the way. Rhetorical questions don't require answers, they're discursive devices.)
Author Leia Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Yip, I am daddy's little princess and actually, that is real life. As far as I know, this is a public forum. Anyone can ask whatever they want. I want to understand situations some people are in. If you can't contribute, fine with me. You don't have to post. I know no one owes me any answers but I do get some really good responses, can't say much about yours coz you know what you're doing is wrong. Deep down inside you know and it is slowly ripping you apart but wait a minute, that's YOUR life so you want to be an OW for the rest of your life.... go ahead. I admire those who gave really good insights on why people cheat and one or two of OW who responded. Can't say the same about some people. Don't have anything to say, just don't post.
Pyro Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 After reading this, there are obviously numerous reasons why people cheat. None of us are brainwashed. If any one of us is engaged in a relationship with a MM or MW, we can walk out. We are not being forced to stay with the person. IMO, it comes down to morals and what people value in life. Hope that made sense.
Recommended Posts