NEONINK Posted June 20, 2003 Posted June 20, 2003 I wonder if all problems with relationships occurs when each of the two people want different things. I want a relationship and love; she just wants to get her life together and rebuild her own future. We want different things. Simple. But if you are two nice people, neither wants to leave the comfort and hurt the other. I guess staying in a relationship where nobody is getting their wants and needs met is a form of cheating. I'm cheating her out of going back to school, expecting or demanding a relationship which require energy that she doesn't have, feelings she doesn't want to foster. She's cheating me out of the love that I really want in my life now. My life is set in place, except for love. And I have yet to have a truly intimate and loving relationship. She's cheating me out of receiving that love. We are cheating each other out of what we each want. I know there is physical cheating and emotional cheating in relationships that can occur. But what do you call it when you cheat each other out of what you really want most in the world?
clia Posted June 20, 2003 Posted June 20, 2003 But what do you call it when you cheat each other out of what you really want most in the world? Stupid and wasteful. Call me a cynic, but I don't believe that love conquers all. It's amazing to me how many people come to this board and post about how they aren't getting what they want out of their relationship, but when asked why they don't move on, they answer "Because I love him/her." Love is grand, but I think the best relationships occur when the two people as individuals are pursuing their dreams outside of the relationship, and are happy as individuals outside of the relationship. I don't believe that love alone is enough--I often think that it isn't necessarily love that keeps people where they are, but the fear of the unknown, the fear of going through the sadness of a break-up, and the fear of being alone. Staying in a relationship because it is comfortable is the easy way out. If you do that, you don't have to deal with hurt feelings, break-ups, the depression, misery, and sadness that usually accompanies a break up. But the funny thing is--those feelings all pass with time. There are so many people out there you could just as easily fall in love with. No one ever believes this, but it's true. This is not the last girl you will ever date if you end things. You aren't destined to a life of loneliness if you break things off and explore what else is out there. (However, you may be destined to a life of loneliness if you stick around.) I think each bad relationship where you aren't getting what you want leads you one step closer to the right one. So...I don't understand why you are staying in a relationship where you aren't getting what you want? Why? What are you getting out of it? You could move on and find the love or intimacy you crave, yet you stay. This has nothing to do with being nice. This has to do with looking out for yourself. Even the nicest people have to break up with their significant others when they aren't truly happy. That's life. People get hurt every day. That's life. You have to do what is best for you.
Tony T Posted June 20, 2003 Posted June 20, 2003 1. "I guess staying in a relationship where nobody is getting their wants and needs met is a form of cheating." No, I would call that a serious case of stupidity. 2. "But what do you call it when you cheat each other out of what you really want most in the world?" A serious case of stupidity sprinkled with a good helping of selfishness.
Author NEONINK Posted June 20, 2003 Author Posted June 20, 2003 You are right. I know people can have different needs and wants. That's about uniqueness. But there better be something there that binds, something that meshes the two, some commonality. Ties that bind. Otherwise I guess we could call it a bad relationship.
Tony T Posted June 20, 2003 Posted June 20, 2003 YOU WRITE: "Ties that bind. Otherwise I guess we could call it a bad relationship." By George, I think you've got it!!!
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