Islander Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 First time writing something like this so i'll try and get everything out. I could use some random internet help. Me and my gf of one year have just recently broken up. We were both living in different cities, however we were only about an 1 1/2 to 2 hours away. She left to study and i'm finishing 2 more years here. Im 21 and she is 20 and we are both madly in love with each other. Way before hand we had discussed about what we were going to do when she moved and we had both been sure that we would stay together. We literally had a perfect relationship, never arguing or falling out. Then she moved, things were then up and down for sometime. For the last couple of months we were good. Not at each others throats, just nice and calm. Then at the weekend she came to visit and said she couldn't do it anymore. It was too hard however she still loved me so much. We both just fell into a big mess. I love her so much, and i know that if you love someone you should be able to let them go...but i can't. Not after everything we have gone through. I've been reading up on this web site about NC. I can't follow it. We spoke as soon as she got home, "just hope your okay?", "are you eating?" etc. But i've been up the last couple of nights just thinking things are not meant to end now. (Or Ever!) I've sent a e-mail and one text. I said in the e-mail to think about if this is what she really wants. We spent so much time over the Christmas holidays that i think she may have been lonely after leaving me. (She went back to study while no one else was there) I almost got on the bus up to see her. I dont feel angry or upset with myself or her, i just want her back and to prove we can make it. Really could use some help Internet. So, speak up!!
wizzlebee Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Was the break up entirely because of the distance?
Author Islander Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Well from what i know yes. We always have told the truth to each other. Basically she was finding it really hard not being able to see me and from the past petty arguements she was worried that it would keep happening, even though we were so much better.
wizzlebee Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 So basically she'll rather not be with you than miss you. Sounds a bit like an excuse but hey i might be wrong. Just becareful! What also concerns me is that she went back up to where she is studying when no one was back yet. I mean WHY????
Author Islander Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Well she went back up to move her stuff back in and get sorted out before studying again, but i see your point. I guess its hurting her move there than me here. I found it hard at the beginning but i moved to where she lives to study and i nearly left until i met her. Could be the same.
wizzlebee Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 I suppose. I hope that you two can work things out in the near future. Everybody deals with long distance relationships differently some can do it others cant. She cant. Is it possible for you to move closer to her.
Author Islander Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 (edited) Not until the summer time, it would be a struggle to be travelling everyday for two more years but i really would. I jut really need some really deep and meaningful advice on what to do. I wanna fight or her you know? Edited January 22, 2008 by Islander
Author Islander Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 I know. I understand thng 21 is still so young, but i just really want try and and fight for her. I've never wanted to fight for someone in my life. It just feels wrong to let it go now. Oh, i am Irish.
Author Islander Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) Any more help Internet. I know its only been a few days but im so scared and alone. Sorry to whine but I really need some more help. I got my New Year photos developed and its hard to believe that everything was so perfect weeks ago. Edited January 23, 2008 by Islander
Pirouette Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) I will tell you a little bit about what happened with my LDR. Not saying that it is exactly like what is happening to you, but keep it in mind. I met my ex in England while I was studying there, got together with him and went into a LDR after I went home. I had strong feelings for him which continued through the time we were away from each other. We talked practically everyday, and it seemed like our relationship was going strong. I missed him very much and wanted to be with him. Then I went back to England to visit and seeing him again was...strange. It didn't feel the way I remembered it, being there. Perhaps with the distance we had lost some element of intimacy and perhaps it could have been recaptured in time, but you see I knew I was going back home after the visit and suddenly I had no interest in pursuing something that felt gone. Or perhaps what had existed throughout the LDR had simply been a fantasy and seeing each other again burst the bubble. Either way, it was over for me. I knew that he still had strong feelings for me so I tried to let him down gently. I told him that a LDR was too hard and it just wouldn't work. I didn't say "I have no feelings for you anymore, sorry" though maybe it would have been easier for him in the long run. He kept up contact with me, and I allowed it because I felt bad for breaking his heart, but eventually I let communication slowly die by not returning emails or calls. How she reacts in the next few months will tell you how she really feels. NC would be best for you in order to heal. End on a civil note. If she changes her mind, she will come back. Edited January 23, 2008 by Pirouette Grammar
Author Islander Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Thanks fo your story. We both have seemed to love each other the longer we are away. If that makes sense. I dont know, i would hate to think that she was lying too me or just letting me off easily. We always would tell the truth to each other so i dont know what to think at the moment. Basiacally i have asked her to take her own time to think and see if this what she really wants.
Author Islander Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Hey guys out there. I'm feeling pretty low at the moment. Cant stop looking at photos. Cant stop thinking and praying. I just wish there was something i could really do than wait. I feel so useless. Again i've had another wasted night trying to sleep. I just really want her back in my arms. I've sat through 2 days at college being a low person when i'm the most high, happiest person ever. The pain hurt everyday. I still have not broke my NC, only 2 days though so noting great i guess. I've tried to do everything i've suggested and heard suggested on LS but nothing is working. How can we give up the ones we love so easily? How can we lay dorment and silent while we think and worry about them so much? I've never felt this way before. I've asked that if i can't get her back just to be taken away and take everyones hurt with me. Sounds silly i know but i mean it. I have not been low like this for at least 3...4...5...if ever! People are not reconising me, I dislike wait. But i must.
sptu Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 i am feeling approximately the same..so lets talk!
latefragment Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 yeah, me too. similar LDR situation. i'm in pain right now. we just had the talk yetserday. i'm feeling quite devastated and wanting out from the pain.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 I've never been in a LDR, but I have to question one thing. When someone says "it's too hard, I can't do it anymore" that says to me that they are interested in someone closer to them. They were fine with the distance up until the moment someone in their immediate area began piquing their interests. I mean most of us find any relationship more comforting than none. So, I figure the one leaving the LDR has someone closer to them to fall back on. I doubt they intend to be alone versus in a LDR relationship. Being alone is "harder" for most people. Just my thoughts.
sptu Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 fantastic..we talked today and now i am like the stupid one in front of the pc crying..how nice!
latefragment Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 except in my case we are on the phone, not on computer. i feel very bad.
latefragment Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 that would be nice, but I don't have msn! do you want to PM (private message) me with your email address and I will email you? click on my profile name and underneath it it says "send private message".
myo Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and six months ago I moved to a city that is 2 hours away. It's been hard, but we love each other and we do what we can, alternating weekends, to make it work. It's hard but if you really care about someone, you will do what it takes. I think that perhaps she doesn't love you with the same intesity that you might love her and therefore is losing interest in giving it a try.
sptu Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 i caaaant!i didnt find it.. sorry but i am a new member!other way?!?!i you want send me private message and if i will ever find it i will answer!!hehe
sptu Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 do you really believe that you should try and try and try even if the other one seems confident of his decision!??!
latefragment Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I've read a bit about your thread that you started in the other forum and it would be nice to email back and forth. i'm hesitant to give out my email on a public forum, though. let me try to think of a way to get you my email... hmmm.... i could post it at a certain time or something, or maybe in my public profile...
strife Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I was with my ex for 3 yrs before going into LDR for 5 months. Ex was honest, said feelings were going up and down when LDR began (up when I flew to visit, down when I left). It ended after New Years' after I left, thinking things couldn't be better. I don't really have advice for the OP, but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. It's been 3 weeks and I still cry every day. I want to know my ex is doing ok (probably better than we're doing though, right?) I agree with myo that the other person loves with less intensity. The only thing I can do now is let it burn. You can't make the other person see what you see, they can only discover something like this their own. People have been saying "just let it go." I can't though, the only thing I have left are memories, I won't let those go.
sptu Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I think its sooo pathetic to say "ok let it go"!!if you feel sth, you have to try!even alone..of course it need two to tango but sometimes, one is enough to star dancing and who knows!! latefragment cant you send me a private message?!?i would, but i dont know how!!(and i didnt find how!!)
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