CJ77 Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 So Its been like 8 months since my breakup. Ive written many times but thats because unfortunately my ex still haunts me. I dont think I will ever understand why or how we ended up apart. but i also have accepted it. I think the hardest thing to shake off is how much he still feels a part of me. when we first started going out things were great and out of all the guys i went out with I NEVER felt such a deep feeling and connection like I did with my ex. It was so deep I cant even really describe it. I felt like i had known him for years. Even now, 8 mnths later I still feel it, and we dont even spend time together. we talk alot but thats it. When we were out one night i looked up at the moon and it was the one that lookslike a banana so i blurted out hey look at the banana moon. my ex started laughing and everytime after that when we saw that moon we would laugh at how i call it the banana moon. So last mnth i was walking out of the mall, and my ex was heavy on my mind that day and something told me to loook up at the sky and it was a banana moon. I wondered to myself if my ex was looking up at it too. well when i got home he messages me and asked me if i saw the banana moon. i said of coarse i did.... even though i still feel so connected he still pushes me away. 3 mnths ago he tells me how he made a mistake and could kick himself for losing me....a few weeks later that idea apparently went out the window as he never acted on those words....last week he tells me how him and i should have coffee soon...the next day when i question if he meant that, the answer i get is well ya i wouldnt mind if he did and your a really good friend....but yet there are plenty of nights since that him and i are both homedoing nothing and he doesnt ask me to have coffee....another night we were both bored and he suggested we go out and i said well what will we do and then he decided we shouldnt go bc its too late and nothing is open.....and then tonight he told me if i ever were to write an autobiography of myself to be easy on the part when i get to him....so i told him ya ill just write that when i was in my 20's i met this guy who i thought really liked me but apparently i was wrong bc after so much time went by he decided he didnt like me anymore and cut me loose...his response to that was ouch lol....i told him if anyone should be sayin ouch it should be me and we just kinda joked it away so this guy doesnt care about me...why do i feel so connected to him????????
Jmina Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 WOAH I couldve written that. I have been trying to put exactly what you said in words in my posts previously but it always came out wrong and people told me to just let it go. I told my ex that her soul will always rest right next to mine. I told her i would always hold her back. I feel that we had such a huge connection that we were soul mates... and we were for the time we were together. but the problem is love wasnt ready for us. i have SO much love to give, and it all went to her.. the problem is i got none of it... and in the end she got frustrated by it. love wont work if we dont love oursleves first. maybe if had known this then it wouldve worked... but then she had soul searching to do aswell... so again love wouldnt have been ready. my ex and i were about 5 years too early. It was right, yet it was wrong timing. and i dont know why that happened. you did have a connection with him, but like me i think you have soul searching to do hun.
cant let go Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 i hope and pray that there is someone else out there that i can feel that connection with... i fear that i may never find it again. and in the same way you have mentioned... even if we only talk on occasion, i still feel there is some understanding between us that i don't get from anyone else. i am ready to move on now... in fact, i've even found someone new that i am interested in. but honestly, i don't feel the instant recognition that i felt when i met my ex. we just clicked... i thought that meant something... but then again... he left me, so maybe i shouldn't put so much weight on such feelings.
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