MissingMyHubby Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 No one chimed in on my last post so hopefully I will get a response now. I have been dating this girl now for 2 months. Neither of us has talked any feelings towards each other, and I think it is time to make or break this. Please read.... Hey ****, I am sending you this over email versus bringing it up over the phone/in person simply because I am a better writer than speaker (for the most part) and I can also make sure I get out all I need to. It is also sent in this medium because I am not sure your take on any of this, so I do not want to put you on the spot. For starters, I was kind of curious as your take on this whole thing. You know....us. I think in 2 months time, things have progressed very nice and there has been absolutley no pressure from either party into anything. Things, in my opinion, have been coming along about as comfortably and healthy as it should. Now, this isn't to insinuate any sort of end result, persay, but on a general whole, one could assume we have been enjoying each others company more and more. I was introduced to you by **** and he thought that you would be someone I would be interested in in dating, from what little he knew of me (******* described me to him some.) As things turned out, I did enjoy your presence. You seem(ed) humble, geniune, caring, with a laid back attitude coupled with a sense of knowing how to have a good time. I wasn't looking to excusively date anyone any time soon since I had just gotten out of a horrible relationship that had an even more horrible ending. Although I was/am completely healed by it all, I was making sure I wasn't throwing myself into anything. At the same time, I wasn't/am not putting the kebosh to any potential(s) that may arrive. That means I am not so one-sided as if to say "There is absolutley no way I will/won't date right now." My feelings right now are "if it happens, it happens." I am not here to force anything; it is not my nature, never was, and it seems to be a healthy outlook. I guess this brings me to the final topic of all of this. What are you looking for? Are you looking for a casual relationship? Just dating? (whatever that means.) An open relationship? A boyfriend? A friend? Nothing at all? A **** buddy (Had to throw that in for some humor.) I get the gist that you are introverted when it comes to coming forth with feelings (good or bad) so from what little you HAVE said (I am a bit reserved too), coupled with your actions, it appears you have some level of interest in me. This is my take on everything: I have never casually dated anyone in my life. I have never had a **** buddy. I never had an open relationship. It has been either friendship or exclusively dating for me. It hasn't been a consciess(sp) decision I had made, but it is how things worked out. I am not really into any sort of casual/open garbage. I do not understand it. It seems to be a complete waste of time for both parties just to engage in some temporary fun, while simultaneously, one party is getting their hopes crushed since there isn't a future. For me, it means "I am not good enough to date exclusively so therefore I am not good enough." I do not necessarily think you see me in this way, simply because I do not think you would be wasting your time talking to me a few times a week for great lengths of time while simultaneously offering to drive up my way to see me. Trust me, I am not not trying to complicate things here. I am not trying to freak you out. I am just looking for some sort of opinion from you. Me personally, I am not looking to date anyone else. I do not even understand the concept of dating multiple people at once, but hey, that's just me. I am fine continuing to date just you, but just realize that I am looking out for the best for us both by posing such questions to you. I have no idea how you feel towards me (okay, I lied, I know SOME) so I guess this email will either cause you to reciprocate a similar desire and kind of dating, or it will put a kebosh to all of this. Whatever, I will take that chance. Talk to ya when I talk to ya, ****** Comments?
BeautifulMusic Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Personally, I think bringing this up via email is rather... middle school of you. I understand you wanting to communicate well and not put her on the spot, but I think it would be much better received in person. Also, I think you kind of OVER-communicate in this email... it's like you're narrating the course of your time together, how you got together, etc., as if she wasn't even there, haha. If you need to get your thoughts together before you talk to her, I would recommend you do what I do when I need to have important conversations, which is to think through what I want to say, and try to anticipate various ways the other person might respond and be prepared to respond to those things. I don't bring it up until I've thought through it thoroughly and feel like I can communicate effectively and without nerves getting in the way. Also, I wouldn't think your little "joke" in the email was very funny, particularly in this context, even though you proceed to explain it away. Hardly the comment I want to hear from someone who is asking me if I want a relationship. Just my two cents.
Art_Critic Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 I think this bears an answer that hasn't any punches pulled.. Dude.. Grow a set of Cojones.. That email.. if you send it will label you an idiot.. You are the guy not the girl in the relationship.. 2 months isn't enough time invested for you to be pulling email stunts like this. Don't send the email or any email.. if you do she will dump you like a rock... I think you just ought to ask her face to face about where she sees the relationship going.. Straight forward and no gobbly gook that will make her lose respect for you.. Women like the men in their lives to be upfront and manly.. be that..
BeautifulMusic Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 HAHA... what I was trying to say, but in a more direct way.
Kamille Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 conscious. But it doesn't matter. That e-mail is too long. And I'm not sure I understand what the point of it is. Or rather, I am guessing the point of it is that you want to tell her you like her and would like to define what you have as a relationship, yet it sounds like you are yourself not ready to commit to anything. Hence the long winded e-mail. So question one: what is is that you want to communicate to her? Question two: what is the best medium in which to communicate that message? Or rather, are you sure that writing it out is the way to go? Perhaps writing is helping you clarify your thoughts, but once that is done, you'll come to realize it might be better to communicate face to face. Question three: what are your expectations?
jerbear Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 I do not think you should ask about where, what, how, or type of relationship it is. In my opinion, email is so impersonal for this level of importance. Take a risk and talk face to face.
Art_Critic Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 HAHA... what I was trying to say, but in a more direct way. I kinda felt like MissingMyHubby needed to hear that.. Also MissingMyHubby ..I normally don't post this direct and I wasn't trying to be mean .. I just think you needed to hear it straight up rather than dulled down..
crazy_grl Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 So MissingMyHubby, are you male or female? And what's with your username? Is "hubby" short for something besides husband. I hate to make assumptions, but your username has me thinking you're a divorced woman who's turned lesbian... That aside, don't send this email. This is the kind of thing you need to talk about in person.
whichwayisup Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 The email is too long. BUT, if she really really REALLY likes you then she'll love how long and detailed it is. Anyway, do this face to face. Everyone else is right!
Art_Critic Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 That aside, don't send this email. This is the kind of thing you need to talk about in person. When I was young and single if a girl I was dating wanted to be a FWB I surely wouldn't have been second guessing any of her decisions.. I would've been all over it and never said a word..
EYECANDY000 Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 I guess im going to go the opposite direction as everyone else and say send it. But it definately needs to be modified. From reading it I guess what you are asking her is what her thoughts is about the relationship. If you feel like you are a far more better writer than speaker than send it to her. But I think you still need to follow up with an phone call or face to face.
Lucasarts Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 im sorry but i couldnt even finish reading that entire email...i almost fell asleep from boredom. Plus it lacked anything really interesting...or relevant. If you send this to this girl, you're pretty much determining that whatever "relationship" you guys have, will be over. This is weak. Talk to her face to face, sit her down, and tell her how you feel about this. You also need to know what you want as well, stop pussyfooting around this situation. You either want to commit to her or just be friends or just end it, don't say you're open for anything (you're gonna get walked all over, GROW A BACKBONE). good luck and read what the other posters have said. It'll help you immensely to avoid a pitfall that you are very close to falling into.
StartingOver07 Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 You are the guy not the girl in the relationship.. He is? I'm confused. Why is his username "MissingMyHubby"? Anyway, yeah... unless you are still in middle school, this email is no good and bump to AC.
Tripper Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Jeez... Man up, grow a pair and do this face to face. Or woo her and win her heart over...
tidal Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Really this is just a five minute face-to-face conversation that involves these words, "I really like you. I really like what we have. Are we going to keep this as it is, or should we be exclusive?" Something like that.
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