Potatocakes Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Everytime I ask my boyfriend the same question he changes the answer completely. It gets annoying I feel like I cant trust him and instead of fixing the problem he just leaves or gets off the phone and pretends like the conversation never happened. And advice?
EYECANDY000 Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Is there anything specifically? its to vague
Author Potatocakes Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 He'll change how many girls hes slept with which I dont care that hes been with other girls I'd just like to know when it comes to sex and when I bring up that he's told me different before he denies it. He's also told me that hes done drugs while hes been with me or hung out with someone and then says he never did. I don't care what hes done except for the drugs but its so agrivating.
Brokendreams875 Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Everytime I ask my boyfriend the same question he changes the answer completely. It gets annoying I feel like I cant trust him and instead of fixing the problem he just leaves or gets off the phone and pretends like the conversation never happened. And advice? My ex use to do the same thing. We were together about a year and he would lie and tell me things like "I havent been drunk at all since I've been with you" then would tell me on the phone a week later a story about him being wasted in a bar over the weekend etc. To be honest, some things he lies about (Drugs, girls etc) could mean many things. 1-he really is doing things behind your back he doesnt want you to know about for whatever reason and he slips up from time to time. His evasivness when you ask him pretty much shows a guilty concience 2-If its a newer relationship he may be saying things he thinks you want to hear. I know I dated a guy who told me he'd only ever been with 2 girls and I found out a month later it was 12 not 2. I ended up not speaking to him NOT cause he had been with 12 girls but that he hadnt had the decency to be honest about it 3-He may have misunderstood what you were asking/saying. Asking how many girls he has slept with is much different then asking how many girls have gone down on him or how many people he has kissed.Each probably has its own answer. As for the drugs, depending on what type of drugs they are, it is possible they are effecting his memory. 4-He is a pathological liar and isnt very good at it if he cant keep up with his own lies (This was my ex's problem) Now naturally there may be other possible options and obviously no one here actually knows him so its up to you to figure out what it is. I personally think your best bet it to talk about it face to face and refuse to let him change the subject. also DO NOT LET HIM MAKE YOU THINK YOU ARE CRAZY OR MISHEARD. That instantly makes you question everything and puts all blame on you. If he tries to change the subject or gets angry when you wont let him I would from my experience say he really is intentionally lieing and probably isnt worth your time especially if he wont even talk to you about it.
Leia Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Why the need to know how many girls he has slept with? As long as he is clean, that is what should matter the most! He's probably lying anyway with the answers, if not it would have been the same answer all the time... Liars usually can't keep up.
Phateless Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Honestly, you sound a bit controlling and insecure to me. The number of girls doesn't matter, he's with you now. As far as drugs... if you don't want to be around him when he's doing drugs, tell him that and stand by it. There's no need to make a big deal about it. Things like that have a way of working themselves out. If smoking weed is so important to him that he'll let it interfere with your relationship, you don't want him anyway. If your relationship is good, he'd rather hang out with you than smoke weed. Problem solved. When people hound me about certain issues, I become distant as well.
Author Potatocakes Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 He's told me that one of the girls hes been with had an STD but he didnt catch anything and he used protection but a few weeks later claimed he had never had sex with her. That is why Im insecure. And as for the drugs, well thats just an issue with me I dont like being with drug users.
Phateless Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 He's told me that one of the girls hes been with had an STD but he didnt catch anything and he used protection but a few weeks later claimed he had never had sex with her. That is why Im insecure. And as for the drugs, well thats just an issue with me I dont like being with drug users. STDs are nothing to mess around about. You guys should both get tested. Changing his story on something like that is a good reason to be pissed.
Author Potatocakes Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 I made him get tested, he came out clean. Although I would get tested if my partner asked theres no need for it I've only been with two guys and hes clean, the other was a virgin. Still do you think I have a right to be mad or question him?
malaclypse Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Some people can live with habitual liars, others (such as me) cannot. If you cannot either, ask him to stop. If he doesn't ... well, that's that. And yes, you have every right to be pissed off if he lies to you.
lexi29 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Wow your bf sounds like an ex of mine. He was a nice guy but he always changed his answer to everything! He once told me he'd never spent the holidays (christmas, new years, thanksgiving) with anyone before. I thought that was weird because he had a long term girlfriend for 2 years and they broke up about a year and a half before he met me. I point blank asked him about it (I wasnt' prying I just found it to be odd that he would date someone for 2 years- and even lived with her for a few months- and he'd never spent Christmas or new years with her. He said this two different times and once was in front of his close friend. He told me they were broken up around the holidays. Well later I found out that wasn't true- he was telling me a story about what he got his ex for christmas one year and also his mom had pictures of him and his ex OPENING XMAS presents at her house) I asked him about it and he was like oh of course I spent xmas with her. He said he didn't remember telling me he'd never spent the holidays with anyone. I could have cared less that he spent certain holidays with another woman (I expected him to as he had a past) but the fact that he told me one thing- I believed it and then he changed his story- that bugged me. Also he'd lie about things about his past- he told me he'd hooked up with an ex of his and proposed to her when her fiance and she broke up. Well later the story changed to he did this WHEN they were still dating (his ex cheated on her fiance with him) He also lied to me about the # of women he'd slept with. First time he told me it was 4 (which suprised me, I thought there would be more) then a few months later he said I was #6. a year of dating I found out actually I was #9 or so. He also told me he'd never had a one night stand but later he changed that story to he'd had three of them! One was about a girl he told me wanted to hook up with him but she was going away to college and he didn't want a casual hook up he wanted a relationship with her so he didnt sleep with her. Well found out (from him later on) that SHE was one of his one night stands!! So why did he even tell me the story about how he didn't sleep with this chick cause he wanted a relationship with her?? I know you probably dont' want to hear this- but I've been there and its very frustrating and it never gets better. The lying may be about harmless things but you will start to feel like you are going crazy and you will end up feeling like your bf is a total stranger. Think of this- you cant' really believe what he tells you because it may or may not be true. So if you listen to what he says you are going to think of him a certain way but then find out he's not that person at all? Why is he lying? maybe he doens't like confrontation, maybe he's trying to make himself look better, maybe he's a pathological liar. Who knows. But take it from me, if you're not in too deep now then get out!! He will not change. I left my ex for these very reasons. We were together for a few years and at the end I felt like he was a stranger because I had no idea what was actually the truth and what wasnt'. Really messed me up. It was like one day I could ask him what his favorite color was and he'd say "green" so I'd go around thinking he liked green and buy him green stuff etc (just an ex.) well then a month or two later I'd ask him the SAME question again and the answer would be totally different- he'd say his favorite color was black and that he NEVER liked green. So you never knew what to believe. I'm so sorry you are in this situation! It can be very frustrating.
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