nickilovespookie Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 (edited) Hello, thanks for taking the time to read my post. Please post back, I would love to hear an outsiders point of view on all of this. I've been with my bf for 3 years. We have been living together for 2. Happily. I've always thought he is so great, perfect really. He has a great job, is a hard worker always a go-getter. We have the same sense of humor and I've always been able to be myself around him 100%. I've met this guy that lives out of town (about an hour and a half) north of me. He is friends with my two cousins. I regularly go and visit my cousins because I always have and my bf is busy a lot on the weekends. He's a die hard fisher and hunter so we have plenty of space. Even during the week, we don't see each other much. Anyway so mystery man lives where I visit. The last two times that I've visited my cousins, mystery man and I have been very flirty with each other. I've now fallen for him hard. We've texted each other everyday now for two weeks and twice I was supposed to go have dinner with him alone but backed out because I didn't want to cheat. I find myself fantasizing about him all the time. A little bit about mystery man, he's sort of a so-called player. I don't really think he is, I think it's one of those bark is bigger than your bite type of thing. He seems like a nice guy to me. My Aunt says he's a womanizer and I shouldn't even think about him. Well, I can't help it. I really want to spend more time with him and get to know him. Him and my bf are the same age. I almost broke up with my live-in bf about a week ago just because I felt confused and not sure if this is really what I want. I'm 23 and both of them are 39 and 30. I didn't tell him about my crush even tho he asked if there's someone else. I've never done anything with mystery man (not even kiss) but I sure would like to. Each time I've tried to not text mystery man I can't help it. I really like to talk to him. This last time that I was supposed to go to dinner with him I told him that I don't think we should talk anymore. He was a little mad for getting his hopes up twice and he told me just to not call him anymore. Should I be honest with my bf and tell him about my feelings for mystery man? This would probably lead to moving out and taking a break. Which I've been fine with but I keep going back and forth on that. Try to ignore my feelings for mystery man and move on with my bf? Edited January 20, 2008 by nickilovespookie
Walk Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Him and my bf are the same age. I'm 23 and both of them are 39 and 30. For the record, the ages of 30 and 39 are not the same age. There's 9 years age difference between the two. bf is busy a lot on the weekends. ...we have plenty of space. Even during the week, we don't see each other much. Do you think this has some influence on why you're attracted to another man? And if so, is that something you feel the two of you (your bf and you, not mystery man and you) could fix together? Should I be honest with my bf and tell him about my feelings for mystery man? This would probably lead to moving out and taking a break. Which I've been fine with but I keep going back and forth on that. Try to ignore my feelings for mystery man and move on with my bf? Yes you should be honest with your bf. How would you feel if he was texting another girl every night for two weeks, and wanting really badly to get physical with her, and yet lying to you about it? Its not right. Be honest about how you feel, what you want, and what you're thinking. That's really the only way to actually get what you do want and need out of life. I have a feeling that you are feeling neglected by your bf, and since mystery man brings back feelings of someone being really interested in who you are, then you're reacting to that. Who wouldn't? But I don't think this is really about being attracted to mystery man as it is about being attracted to the idea of someone actually taking a real interest in who you are again. You could patch up your relationship with your bf, but only if your honest with him. Your bf is going to have to try harder in making you an priority. And you're going to have to really want to stay in the relationship, and want it to work. I don't think you do... just based on what you've said. My opinion is break it off with your bf, but don't pursue mystery man either. Spend some time figuring out what is important to you in a relationship, and who you are, then find someone who matches those criteria. Don't just jump from man to man hoping things will be different/better. It won't be.
spookie Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 I think you need to ask yourself why you stay with the bf. Are you afraid of being alone? Scared that you'll never meet someone "as good"? Why? Do you see good qualities in him that are important to you? Do you think you two can work things out in such a way that the relationship will be satisfying for you? Cause it sounds to me, right now it's not. And you're torn about what to do, but you haven't thought through to what you REALLY want. All you know is that you're headed down a path that makes you feel bad, because you know it isn't right. Cheating has never led to anything good. It hurts everyone involved. The original relationship is usually hurt beyond repair. The new one is built on a shaky foundation of deceit. Don't do it. Decide what you want, take some time to think about it, and then proceed.
norajane Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Ending a relationship with a long term bf because you are unhappy with him and don't see it working out is a good idea. Ending a relationship with a long term bf because a player has caught your attention with some charm and flattery is a naively deluded idea. Cheating on anybody is a lousy idea. Give this a LOT of thought because you could hurt someone who loves you very much and regret it very soon after.
Author nickilovespookie Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 I totally meant they are 29 and 30 years old not 39.
Author nickilovespookie Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Pookie is my cat. Nicki loves pookie. I'm Nicki. But that's good - Nicki love spookie.
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