taylor3205 Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Me and my ex broke up 2 months ago. We had been together 9 years. I am 30 and he is 26, both male. We had been living together for 7 years. We had our problems like everyone else but we were talking of marriage and everything 3 months ago, i really beleived he was my soul mate. It ended badly with alcohol and violence on my part. We had split up about 3 years ago, that time was because he said he didnt love me anymore and he moved in with someone else, then after 6 month he wanted to come back to me because he said he realised he did love me. I took him back straight away because I still loved him. Since I took him back I have helped him with his business as a DJ/Entertainer, I got into debt getting him the equipment, made him a web site, got business coming in and drove him to all his gigs (sometimes stayed with him for the night, others I came home and picked him up when he had finished) often not being able to go out for a drink of a weekend because I needed to pick him up. I basically put him first and his needs before mine. Well I have a bit of history, abandonment issues and abuse when i was younger and he is the one and only person I have ever felt comfortable with and truly loved. Leading up to the second break up he was working during the day and at night and I hardly ever seen him, people were telling me he was taking advantage of me but he said he was just trying to make us financially secure. It got to a point where I was trying to talk to him to tell him how unhappy I was because we didnt spend much time together and he just wasnt listening, he was always too tired to talk or he just said as little as possible to shut me up, yet it seemed he had time for other people. He passed his driving test a week before we split up and was out from 9.30am until 11pm driving around while I was left sat in the house on my own, I was then told he was seen with another guy in the car that day which he denies. I asked him to work less and he said he couldnt turn down bookings, fair enough I thought. Well he was off on a sturday night for a change and he offered to work behind the bar in a local pub for minimum wage!! After all I had said to him about us not spending time together. Then we both got invited to a wedding, he was working but me as a guest. He talked me out of going as we were a bit short on cash so I stayed in while he went to work. I get a phone call at 12am saying he had finished but was going out round town clubbing!! He knew I really wanted to go out that night, well he didnt come back till 1pm the next day. It just seemed like one thing after another like this and I ended up getting drunk one night, came home, argument turned to fighting and he got me arrested and is taking me to court, we have now split up although he is withdrawing his statement. I feel totally guilty, depressed and low. I miss him so much and feel like I just dont want to go on. It has been 2 months now and apparantly he has met someone else already and said he has moved on! We still keep in contact. Im on anti depressants and I am just not coping very well at all. I just cant see how you can go from marriage and everything, to someone new in the space of two month. He says he still loves me but he didnt know how I could hurt him if I loved him and that it probably wont work out with this new guy because he is still messed up over me. My head is all over the place, my house is a mess, Im a mess, and my life is a mess. He seems so happy and I feel like I have lost absolutely everything ive ever dreamed of and worked towards. We still keep in contact and he knows I would do anything to have him back. I just want him back so bad and he says we have no future and theres no turning back. I feel like I cant cope, he was my life. I dont even know wether he truly loved me like he said he did. I am left with the house we shared for years, all the memories and a broken heart. He has a new house, a new partner and a new life all in the space of two months! How? I just dont know how he can hop from one person to another. He knows me inside and out, I would have just liked him to put me first once in a while, especially after all i done for him. I feel like I was the one that wrecked the relationship and it was all my fault. He makes me feel worthless. I know I shouldnt have handled it the way I did, but I was that drunk I cannot even remember much. Im finding it so hard and the thought of him with somebody else once again is completely destroying me. I have lost all faith and hope in everything.
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