maynicholas Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 I really don't feel like dating for a while since my last few dates were not what I was ultimately looking for. I want to concentrate on my schooling for a while and not look for a man. I have decieded to start wearing my diamond ring on my left hand to discourage anyone from asking me out. I didn't think anyone would really notice. I'm not talking about my friends here-I'm talking about the customers where I work, since that is where I'm getting asked out- and it's just too awkward for my liking. Wouldn't you know it- they notice. I had a guy who always tries to talk to me congratulate me. I kind of studdered that I just wear it. I would feel guilty saying I am engaged- because I'm not. But I feel weird when the customers are all oooh, let me see your ring. Am I defeating the purpose of wearing it (the purpose being not to be noticed)? Is it a bad idea altogether? How else can I discourage men from asking me out at work? I'm always nice to everyone because that's my job, but sometimes men mistake it as an invitation to ask me out. -Please don't get me wrong it isn't happening all the time, but one of the last times it happened it was awkward and I went out with the guy- then it was even more awkward when he came back despite my not calling him and asked when he could see me again in front of my co-workers and I told him I was very busy and wouldn't have time for a long time. So he asked if he could call me. I felt badly because I didn't want to shoot him down in front of everyone, but I was a bit peeved for being put in the situation. Now I'm making it a rule not to date customers- hence the ring. Is there a better way? (believe me, I'm not such a prize or anything- I'm not a hottie- maybe approachably cute on a good day )
Kamille Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 I admit the ring sounds like the best idea to ward off getting asked out. Maybe the customers will eventually get over it and stop asking. (Are they mostly regulars?). At the same time, I think the best thing to do is accept that being asked on a date is one of waitressing's job hazard. And that means that you need to develop a technique that allows you to turn customers down in an upbeat manner. You could refuse dates by saying : sorry I don't date customers. You wouldn't be lying after all.
Author maynicholas Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 Yes, they are mostly regulars, or they become regulars. I am actually in retail, so I am stuck behind the counter for all my coworkers to laugh as I squirm when this happens .
bozwa Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 There's no need to be dishonest or anything. When it happens, just politely turn them down. I had it happen a couple times as well, and I won't go out with a guy just because I feel bad. I'm sure most guys have been told "no thanks" a couple few times in their lives. Just say "oh, thank you, but I'm not dating right now. I have an awful lot on my plate and just don't have the time to devote. I'm sorry, but maybe some other time." The some other time is about the only untruth you'll be telling. And if you don't want ANY untruths or put out any false hope, just leave that out. Turn 'em down with a smile. They'll be just fine.
underpants Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 I used to entertain the thought of wearing a ring for the reason you suggest. Also, at one point I thought it would make me appear more hirable for another job. Then I realized I would have to make up a whole lie of a life. While musing it was entertaining I did not go through with it. I thought ultimately it would bring more negative attention then without. I just said 'thank you but I am seeing someone'. That usually did the trick. If someone pursues beyond that then a ring is not likely to make much of a difference.
Author maynicholas Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 My mother says 'What if the man of your dreams walks in and you have that ring on? Then you'll miss out on him!' Oh moms, always the voice of reason
underpants Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 My plan (in my head) was to eventually wear black for a month or two and say that my husband. A geologist, fell into the mouth of a volcano. So glad I did not go through with my fake life.
bozwa Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 My mother says 'What if the man of your dreams walks in and you have that ring on? Then you'll miss out on him!' Oh moms, always the voice of reason She's got a point. You can make the no customer rule for yourself, but there's always exceptions if the future Mr. You walks in. You never knooooowwww..... LOL
Jilly Bean Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Don't wear the ring. All it will do is attract the WRONG kind of men. It won't stop them from swarming (I know, I tried this years ago, and all it did was bring me married men and dirtbags who didn't care that I was engaged, and it turned off the nice guys I might have wanted to date! lol). No ring, but just tell them you have a BF and leave it at that.
tanbark813 Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 I'm sure most guys have been told "no thanks" a couple few times in their lives. Word. A polite "no" is better than going out with a guy when you're not really interested. I also wouldn't say "maybe some other time" unless you actually mean it. My mother says 'What if the man of your dreams walks in and you have that ring on? Then you'll miss out on him!' It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.
Kamille Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Yes, they are mostly regulars, or they become regulars. I am actually in retail, so I am stuck behind the counter for all my coworkers to laugh as I squirm when this happens . Hu ho! then what are they going to say when they notice you took off the ring? This would make a good plot for a sitcom... What happened to your fiance? oh he fell into the mouth of a volcano!
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 If you're uncomfortable about getting asked out, instead of wearing the ring, just state that you prefer not to date customers as it can create awkwardness but tell them that you're flattered, to soften the blow a bit.
compassion42 Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Nothing wrong with a polite "Thanks, but I'm taking a break from dating right now". I'd be flattered if I was being asked out as often as you are!
Lucky555 Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 I am trying the "bi*ch" approach with men i am not interested in. I have been just nice to people and SINGLE LOSER Men take it the wrong way. Some of them don't understand the whole I am not interested in you ways!
Kamille Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 I am trying the "bi*ch" approach with men i am not interested in. I have been just nice to people and SINGLE LOSER Men take it the wrong way. Some of them don't understand the whole I am not interested in you ways! Very true. Minutes ago I was waiting for the subway. I inadvertently caught a guy's stare. I immediately thought 'sh/t, he's now thinking I'm interested' so I tried my best to ignore him and not look his way. He then moved closer to me, to the other side of me but a bit in front so that I could no longer even look to see if the train was coming without seeming like I was flirting with him. Let's just say he put himself in my line of vision. He said hi. I politely said hi back and walked away. What I don't understand is why those interactions make me feel threatened.
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 What I don't understand is why those interactions make me feel threatened. Random interactions like that can be threatening, depending on how the guy approaches you. They can also be irritating, in the "don't bug me" way.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 I have worn a ring on my finger for many years now, and Im not engadged or married. My bf gave it to me when I went on prom , so you know it has been a while. Ive always wore it on my ring finger because a) thats the finger I sized it, b) s a lot of men wouldnt talk to me, c) sentimental purposes. There is no real way to hord off men, unless you just tell them you are not interested.
spookie Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Try looking like s!ht. Not only will it prevent people form approaching you, but you'll save SO much time and money. Here's what you do: -Wear the comfiest clothes you have (sweatpants, old baggy sweatshirts, etc.) Don't be afraid to wear the same things every day for a a couple of weeks. -DO NOT take showers -Don't brush your hair, wash your face, or so much as glance at a mirror I promise that after a week of this plan, you will have NOTHING to complain about.
Sand&Water Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 RE: You have made a wise choice, Maynicholas. But it comes with a cost. (believe me, I'm not such a prize or anything- I'm not a hottie- maybe approachably cute on a good day ) Until you work on the above signature, you won't move forward in this journey you have apparently built for yourself. You have to believe in yourself, first and foremost, in order to ward off men and at the same time, progress into prosperity. You want to focus on you: "No, thank you". Smile, while walking away. It is the vibrant energy radiating outward that will bring comfort in your life. This is not about satisfying others' needs. That's how you remove yourself from dating. You don't have to conform to a specific set of standards. Do yourself a favor: Be yourself. Wear jewelery the way you want to. Don't wear it to prove a point. Sand&Water
EYECANDY000 Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Try looking like s!ht. Not only will it prevent people form approaching you, but you'll save SO much time and money. Here's what you do: -Wear the comfiest clothes you have (sweatpants, old baggy sweatshirts, etc.) Don't be afraid to wear the same things every day for a a couple of weeks. -DO NOT take showers -Don't brush your hair, wash your face, or so much as glance at a mirror I promise that after a week of this plan, you will have NOTHING to complain about. But what if someone says that love how she isnt the superficial type. They love how she is very comfortable with herself.. hahaahah... theres somebody for everybody!
Ariadne Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Also, at one point I thought it would make me appear more hirable for another job. Hehe... I have a ring that sort of looks like I wedding band that I'd wear for interviews, since they can't ask you if you are married, so that they'd think I'm more "stable." I don't have to worry about the other part though (approaching) because nobody ever takes any interest in me anyway. To the OP, just wear one that looks like a plain wedding band, is more discrete for what you want than a diamond ring that raises questions.
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