M2ZND Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 (edited) Has anyone ever changed in a relationship? When I met my ex...I was a happy, smiley, confident, optimistic and positive woman. Through 2 years of riding an intensely emotional rollercoaster I turned into to a dark, sad, negative, hurtful person. That is not who I am. I'm so glad to be free of that darkness and I am just now beginning to see glimpses of the sunshine within me. But why do I still want a relationship with him? Edited January 20, 2008 by M2ZND
Shane7 Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 You Don't want to be alone.. That is why you still desire a relationship with him.. It isn't necessarily even him you probably want anymore, considering your struggles.. It's just that you don't like to feel like your all alone now, without a companion.. Is that ..helpful?
Ronni_W Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 I'm so glad to be free of that darkness and I am just now beginning to see glimpses of the sunshine within me. But why do I still want a relationship with him? Another possibility is that, after 2 years, your psyche just became used to the darkness -- it became your (temporary) comfort zone. And now, even though you're actually on your way back to your True Self, it still feels kind of new and uncomfortable. My guess is that the awkwardness will keep shifting until you no longer feel it. To answer your first question -- yes, I think we all change once in a relationship...perhaps the deal is to always be aware of whether the change is positive or destructive(?)
GlamourBabe Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Hi This happened to me in my first relationship. It lasted 5 years. At the start of the relationship, I was very hopeful, happy and positive but the relationship with him wore me down. I was drained constantly. I cried constantly too. The simple fact of the matter was that the " man was not right for me" but I was to scared to go alone. It took him to actually physically sleep with someone else and get her pregnant for me to realise this man is an "ass". At the time, I was devastated. Now I just see it as a blessing in disguise. When we broke up I was heartbroken but I think I was more heartbroken over the coming unknown and not the relationship itself. Its so easy to just go along with whats familiar, then to actually face your fears and emotions. If he/she is your true soulmate they bring out the best in you, not the worst. And no one should make you feel like how you felt before. I am glad your starting to see the sunshine again. Glamour Babe
NiceGirlcomeslast Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 I completely understand what you mean, I know I was happy before "the break up" and before a relationship where I worried everyday if he was going to break up with me. Now I am different, I have changed, I feel not only heartbroken but soulbroken, the happiness I know I experienced seems like something people just tell me about I don't remember what it felt like let alone how to get it back. I am numb. I too feel like a stranger in my own head in my own life and it makes me so so lonely. I just hope that you can take whatever good there was in your relationship whether it was a lesson learnt or just a bit of growing up which needed to happen and take this time to work on yourself so that the Stranger you become is happier, more confident and positive than you ever were, I think eventually that stranger will become more you lets hope it's a good you. xx
Author M2ZND Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 Thanks for the responses everyone. You're right...I don't want to be alone without a companion in this life. There is someone who is VERY interested in me. And he is SO nice and my kids would love him, my friends love him and he would be good to me. He knows what I have been through and that I need time to heal and to grow but says that as soon as I am ready he is going to "swoop me up". I considered my ex to be my partner-in-crime and my best friend. We connected so much on an intellectual level. This guy that is VERY in to me just doesn't do it for me on a mental level. My best friends tell me that he will fill me up in every other sense. But will he? How can you have a dynamic relationship if you don't enjoy the conversation? Oh what am I gonna do? I miss the wonderful, thought provoking, intellectual conversations with my ex..And I miss his beautiful blue eyes!
Author M2ZND Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 Well all, I hear that my ex is already seeing someone after only one week of NC. So, it is with that that I make the decision to accept a lunch offer by a gentleman that is totally into me and is super nice. As I mentioned previously though, he isn't much of a conversationalist. I thought that maybe once he got more comfortable around me the conversations would fly. But, they didn't. So after he dropped me off after lunch, I felt the immediate urge to cry. And I did. Uncontrollably. I miss my ex so much! Lesson....I'm not ready to date. Not even close.
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