tinker Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 This one involves a bit of story as it relates to two separate relationships, both which obviously ended. In high school I fell in love with a girl when I was only about 17 years old. Some people question if it was love or not, but I have no doubt in my mind that I loved this girl. Basically the relationship was very trivial, and a ton of immaturity on both of our parts, probably more so in my favor, but the feelings that I had for her was very real. We were friends at first, and she had a bf when I first met her, but she was leaving me hints that she wanted to be with someone else, and at least Im good at taking hints lol. Anyways eventually we ended up being together, and I was crazy about this girl. The problem is that because I was so young I didnt know really what to do when being in a serious relationship, and it only lasted a few months. I was devestated for a while. I remember begging her back, and acting pathetic as Im sure some people have done in some of their past relationships. We didn't talk for a while, but eventually we ended up talking again because her best friend used to give me a ride home from school, and then she started giving her rides too. I guess I could of just gotten a ride with someone else, and said F*** her, but I didnt. After watching her be with another guy for months I started to let it go, and I didn't worry about things as much. Eventually we ended up being really good friends. We hung out alot more in my final year of high school than we ever did when we were together all the while when she was still with this guy. The point im trying to make about this relationship is that I was cool with it. I got over her and our relationship problem, and at first perhaps I was hanging out with her to maybe get her back, but eventually I really just enjoy being her friend. We are still really good friends to this day, and that would of never happend if I applied the NC rule. Fast forward to my last relationship which ended about a few months ago. There are obviously differences with both relationships as I am now a few years older, and I was with her for much longer than I was with the last girl (2 years). When we first broke up I drunk called, and texted her alot which I now regret. I have stopped that now, and I haven't called her or texted her at all since New Years. I know it hasn't been very long, but I also haven't had the strong urge to do so either. She however calls me every now and then, usually just to see what I have been up to. She had been doing that ever since we broke up, probably once a week or maybe a little longer. A few days ago I told her right now that it has been too hard to just "talk" right now. I told her that sometimes its fine when I talk to her, but other times I get upset, as Im sure many people understand what I mean. So basically I told her I want to talk to her, but I cant do that untill Im over her. This breakup hurts, but I have been there before. And even with the different circumstances the feelings that I felt for both girls were pretty much the same. I was able to be friends with the first girl, and I really want to be friends with this one too. We were friends before we were together, and she has done alot for me before we were together, as I have done for her. I just don't know if this time its going to work out. Maybe Im just ranting but has anyone been through something like this? I need some help!
Author tinker Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 Actually this is what I wrote to her, and what she wrote back......What do you guys think....Im really new to this site so Im just looking for some insight. 12:25pm Jan 16th Hey, This is going to be hard for me, but I have been thinking about it for the past couple of days. I think right now for me it would be best if we just didnt speak at all for a while. I know that we don't talk very much anymore as it is, but when we do talk usually afterwards I get upset. I get upset because I can sense that your ok with everything, at least it seems like you are now, and I am not. I hate still feeling the way I do for you, I really do. Because I know that it isn't going to lead to anything anymore. I wish I could just wake up, and be fine. I pray for that every day. It has gotten better. I was a wreck a month ago, and at least now I have days where I don't really think about you. I thought I would be ok with all of this. Just being able to talk to you every now and then, and keeping in some kind of contact, but I started to get upset. I didn't know why at first either, but I think it is because at first when you started calling I created some kind of false hope as to maybe she'll want to get back together with me even when I knew that it wasn't true. I guess I tried to keep some kind of hope, and try to hold on to something that in reality wasnt really there. But then I realized that after talking to you a few times you seemed fine, and in good spirits. Just listening to you I could hear that you were happy, and it made me sad because I could tell that you 100 percent didn't want to be with me anymore. Im ok with that, I really am, but I need to do some soul searching of my own. I need to be happy again. Because for the past few months I just have not been happy. I need to figure out how to do that, and if I keep talking to you right now I think that I'll just miss you even more, and continue to be upset knowing that you don't need me, and that you never really did. I wanted you to be happy with me, and that just wasn't in the cards it seems like. But I want you to know that I hope you continue to be happy. You deserve it. You're a good person, and you're a good friend. Im not bitter or angry at all towards you about how this ended. I just want you to know that. I do see a friendship later because when we are around eachother we do connect on certain levels of friendship that I have only had with a handful of people. Hopefully I can write you or call you in a few months, and tell you that Im over this. Hopefully I can get over this sooner rather than later because I always have, and always will value your friendship. You will always have a place in my heart. 11:03pm Jan 17th i dont know if I am supposed to respond or not but i do miss you. a lot. I know that that wont make it easier but it would be a lie for me to say that i dont miss you. At the same time I am happy. I'm building stronger friendships with the people and going out a lot more then i used to. Not only do i miss you but i miss everyone else like Zach and Ross. I brought over Zachs grass skirt, I hope he got it. We are probably going to be moving to a new apartment soon because of water damage. If and when we do ill let you know where it is. It will still be in fairways but just another building probably. We might be able to get apartment A of our same building which could be nice. Take whatever time you need. Ill have to undersand, but know that when you do want to talk to me ill be happy to hear from you.
Author tinker Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 Come on guys any advice at all? This has been on my mind for the past few days.
Author tinker Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Anybody please!!! I hate to sound desperate for advice, but I have tried asking my friends but they have never been through anything like this, and alot of them are in relationships right now that are going well so they can't give me the best direction.
trulysomething Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 To me it does sound like she does want to be friends, but she is being kind enough to wait until you feel ready to be friends too. That is a kind gift from her to allow you to move on and still have the offer of friendship on the table.
Author tinker Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 To me it does sound like she does want to be friends, but she is being kind enough to wait until you feel ready to be friends too. That is a kind gift from her to allow you to move on and still have the offer of friendship on the table. I think she does too, but I just don't want to think Im ready to be her friend when in reality I might not be. I just don't know when or if that is even going to happen.
trulysomething Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 That's why she's giving you as much time as you need...because only you will know when you think you might be ready. And if it turns out that you meet up and you still aren't ready, I'm sure she'll still be there when you really and truly are.
jdeedee Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Different relationships play out differently after they are over. You may see tons of similarities between this and your last breakup because I am sure there are tons of similarities, but you are a different person now than you were then and you were dating a totally different woman so things will just play out differently. Take your time to find out who you are by yourself. Your ex is giving you all the space in the world, treasure that. She will be your friend when you are ready so put yourself first. After my first two breakups I tried both times desperately to get back together with them, of course I assumed by being their friend I could win back their hearts. Oddly only now I am realizing how different the breakups were and this is between five and eight years, depending on the ex. I don't talk to either very much any more, my first girlfriend and I are talking a lot right now, or at least a lot for us. We actually talked on the phone a few nights back and it was nice. It reminded me of how much of a connection we had at some point. My other ex and I don't really talk at all, that's just people I guess. Anyway try to put yourself in the forefront, do something you love to do, go meet new people. Take your time healing and she'll surely be there with open arms when you return, just don't expect it to be identical to your first ex.
Author tinker Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Different relationships play out differently after they are over. You may see tons of similarities between this and your last breakup because I am sure there are tons of similarities, but you are a different person now than you were then and you were dating a totally different woman so things will just play out differently. Take your time to find out who you are by yourself. Your ex is giving you all the space in the world, treasure that. She will be your friend when you are ready so put yourself first. After my first two breakups I tried both times desperately to get back together with them, of course I assumed by being their friend I could win back their hearts. Oddly only now I am realizing how different the breakups were and this is between five and eight years, depending on the ex. I don't talk to either very much any more, my first girlfriend and I are talking a lot right now, or at least a lot for us. We actually talked on the phone a few nights back and it was nice. It reminded me of how much of a connection we had at some point. My other ex and I don't really talk at all, that's just people I guess. Anyway try to put yourself in the forefront, do something you love to do, go meet new people. Take your time healing and she'll surely be there with open arms when you return, just don't expect it to be identical to your first ex. Im trying to do some things that I didn't get to do when we were together, and I have started working out every day pretty much right after new years. That has given me a little boost. I just hope one day I can be able to put the past behind me for good with her because I still struggle pretty much every day. But I will admit that after a few months I am much better off than about a month ago. I was a wreck then.
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