DazedandConfused66 Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 If desire is solely driven by the superficial, it's best to find an equally superficial partner. Amen. People in a relationship need to have security that if life throws them a nasty curveball, their spouse has their back no matter what. If, god forbid, you ended up having a debilitating accident that left you severely injured and changed your appearance, is your spouse going to stand by your side out of a) honor and love, b) guilt or c) they won't stay for any reason at all. We all get older. I look at couples in their 70's who still smooch publicly and walk holding hands as being the ones who could answer these questions better than I ever could. And I want to BE one of those couples in another 30 years as well. Let's face it folks...we aren't all "beautiful people" unless it's to our spouse. If I am constantly being compared to one of those "beautiful people," I'll never be loved for me.
Touche Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Someone like this would concern me because I want to have a child or two. Guaranteed, I'll gain weight with assorted body changes. I would hope that a few extra pounds, a few stretch marks and assorted other changes, wouldn't turn a partner off. Yes, agreed. Just as I'm sure you won't stop loving and being attracted to your man when he develops wrinkles and bags and gets a little gut. Deep love takes years to develop. It takes getting through many obstacles and coming out on the other side of it. I mean yeah, maybe I can be physically attracted to another man. Maybe I can even be turned on..but can I feel love for another? No. I can't. Can I ever imagine myself making love to a fine physical specimen of a man? Never. I can no longer picture that (although I can fantasize) than I can picture myself walking on the moon. Never.
Author Storyrider Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 (edited) I really wanted to dig a little deeper on the core values issue. Here is one thing I'm wondering about. How many of us eventually find ourselves going forward with the same values our parents taught us? How many of us break out into a new set of values as we reach mature adulthood? And is there a time in between, maybe in college, when we share values with our peers or are in values limbo? Here's an example: My parents are pro-choice. When I first became sexually active and politically aware, I was also very stringently pro-choice. If I had gotten pregnant while still in HS or college, I almost certainly would have had an abortion. I went away to another city for a summer school program when I was in college, and I met the first person I'd ever spoken to who was pro-life!! I had never met a pro-life person. I thought she was insane and weird. I was very sheltered in the liberal world. About three years later, I met my husband. He is pro-life. After dating him for a while, I lost a lot of my prejudices against pro-life beliefs and people who hold them. He never convinced me that abortion should be illegal, but he made some good arguments that it is immoral. When I went through my child bearing years, I suppose this also made me more sympathetic to the fetus (this sounds funny in a way, but it is true.) Now, over fifteen years after that, I'm starting to rethink my views on abortion again. I can thnk of many reasons why a woman might feel she simply cannot have a child. I can also see that my husband isn't speaking the direct word of God, and just because he tells me something doesn't mean it is right. Today, I don't know that I could vote for a candidate who was firmly pro-life. While I do think there are too many abortions in the US, I actively want abortion to stay legal, although I think it should only be used in certain cases and should be seen as a last resort. So, my views are much less aligned with my husband's today, since he is probably more pro-life than ever before. In fact, I know that if one of our daughters got pregnant as a teenager, it would be a huge fight. He would never even consider an abortion under those circumstances. I must certainly would consider it. Ok, now this thread is not about abortion, so don't start arguing about that. I'm just using this as an example of values shifts over time. Edited January 20, 2008 by Storyrider
Recommended Posts