Had Baby w/th MM ..He didn't sign the Birth Certificate

January 19, 2008

This might be long so please bare with me and read all that I have/need to say..

I have been with my MM for almost two years..We are VERY close,and very much into each other.I knew that i wanted to be with him the moment I laid eyes on him and vice versa.But of course he (MM) isn't willing to leave the W yet claims he wants to be with me "forever".

About 9 months into are relationship I found out I was pregnant..He took it better then I thought he would,so we decided to keep the baby and continued to make our relationship work.Everything I bought for this baby was with money that MM gave me..we both decided on the name and became excited about the baby..still stayed intimate,ect.We still had our arguments of course but really what couple doesn't??

Well ..I had the baby this month (very recent) and he has been more involved then I thought he would be.I mean i had my doubts and thought/feared that once the baby was born he would change and deny the baby and want nothing to do with the baby.He wasn't like that at all.He stayed with me while i was in labor/in the hospital the whole time..took pictures of the baby,bought a thing to put on the door,paid for the baby to be circumsized (insurance didn't cover it) gave me money ,and so on.So far he has been a wonderful daddy..He comes and see's me and the baby almost everyday and gives me money for support about every week since the baby had been born.I even named the baby something very simular to his name (his idea) so i guess i can only hope it stays this way.BUT he didn't want to sign the birth certificate.He said that his W could find out and that if he signed it the state would supposly make him pay for child support even even i haven't filed for it.Which i am sure isn't true but I agreed with him anyway.WHy ..because I love him and figured that If i did want to file for child suport late down the road..say if he stopped helping me finacialy then I could do so with out him signing it?? like having a paternity test taken.. and I honestly pefer the baby having my last name because me and MM aern't married and my first born has my last name aswell so what would be the point??

Now im not trying to make everything seem all peachy qeen and wonderful.It has been very hard having this baby and not having MM around EVERYTIME i need him.I wish that we could be living together,for the t imes i have to wake up for the night feedings,go to his doctor appointments,bond with the baby,do things together and instead of having him here with me im doing all of that alone and it hurts.Reality is a B!tch and I relise that im probaly setting a hard life for my baby ....exspecially if things go sour with me and MM.But im just trying to remain positive about everything ...even though im probaly in denial.

Last night MM came over and I saw another side of him that was scary..he acted controlling,started demanding me around..and got mad at me when i wouldn't do a sexual "favor" for him....we did end up having sex anyway (with protection of course--even though it was probaly to soon but whatever) so we did the deed and after that I wanted him to stay and he refused..rushing things,seemed to be in a hurry,very irrtibale..like he wasn't enjoying him self..so i got upset and he didn't even say anything....ignored me and said he had to go.I begged him to stay ,even broke down and tears and he said no.Then said he loved me and that he would call me the next day,kissed the baby and then just left. I wanted him to stay and hold me ,spend time with me you know ..and he just didn't care. .. i know I sound selfish but his behavior was just off and he wasn't acting like himself at all.

He said that some of his family knows....his sister,and his cousin ..but none of them have seen the baby yet, supposly when i was at the hopsital they were going to visit ...but none of them did.He said his sister bought the baby something but im not holding my breath...i don't even care really.I was surprised though when he said that he told his sister..that i didn't think he would do. I don't know much about MM and how his relationship is with his W ..I just figure it isn't that good since he is seeing me and praticuly living a double life behind her back.But if he really did love me then why can't he just leave?? he claims he isn't having sex with anyone else////that he is "waiting" on me... but i really doubt that is true. ..even though i have doubted him before and was wrong.

January 19, 2008

he didn't want to sign the birth certificate

Of course not. He doesn't want any real responsibility. Preserving his marriage means more to him than being a real parent to your child. He has no intention of making this relationship legit any more than he intends to make his relationship with you legit. He is having an affair with you, and intends to have an affair type relationship with his child as well. He will be a father to your child when he can sneak away to do so, and will only be a parent when its convenient for him to do so.

He needs to sign the birth certificate, have court ordered child support, and court ordered visitation. His wife needs to know, so that he can pull his weight in a meaningful way as father to this child, instead of treating his child like some shameful secret.

I know you love him and don't want to do that, but which means more to you: loving MM, or doing what is right by your child?

January 19, 2008

Well it surely sounds like your MM is a "catch".

I can't believe he is demanding sex from you less than a month after you have given birth.

I don't want to sound harsh, but wake up and smell the coffee sister.

I have been an OW, and the majority of MM who indulge in an affair are exceptionally accomplished LIARS. How else do you think they manage to successfully juggle a double life, stringing you along as his bit on the side, and keeping his wife sweet at home?

WTF did he tell her while he was with you while you were in the hospital?

You were his booty call, and now there is another person vying for your attention, and he doesn't like it.

The fact that his W could find out about the birth certificate is

A) BS

and

B) proof that he has NO intention of being with you "forever", telling his W about you, or formally acknowledging that he is the childs father.

He is right about one thing- if you name him as the father on the birth cert, he could be liable to pay child support, and if thats the case, his little charade of lies will be exposed.

Do you have to have him sign the birth cert? Or is it possible to name him as the father (but an absent one)?

The bottom line is, there is now an innocent victim to the lies of your MM and your gullibility- your baby.

Your baby should be your NUMBER ONE priority, and if MM demands sex, tell him to get lost.Its an important time for you and your baby to bond. The first few months of a babys life are tough, esp if you are doing it as a single parent. And you ARE a single parent, no matter what your MM says- he is not playing the Good Daddy role very well at all.

I highly doubt your MM has any intentions of settling down and playing happy families with you and your baby, so you need to take steps to protect yourself and your child from any further hurt and deception.

I personally would demand that your MM sign the birth cert and get some kind of financial commitment from him, because you are going to need it in the future.

I would also get rid of the lying cheating scumbag, and try and bring my child up in a loving environment where the heartbroken mommy isn't left hanging by the absent daddy (who has a double life) who keeps breaking his promises to her that "one day" he might leave his "other life"..

i am sorry if this sounds harsh, but your priorities should be your child at the moment, if your MM can't get to grips with that, then he is more of a loser than I thought.

January 19, 2008

I know you love him and don't want to do that, but which means more to you: loving MM, or doing what is right by your child?

Exactly.

Thanks LB.

Once again, i rant along for ages, and you put it so succinctly!

January 19, 2008

OP you sound like a very needy and selfish person. Your smarter then this. I realize you enjoy this type of thing but your heading down a bad road. This guy doesn't care about you the way you pertend he does. Learn to love yourself and you'll stop being so selfish in the way you live your life. Maybe go see a church counsler or something

January 19, 2008

Last night MM came over and I saw another side of him that was scary..he acted controlling,started demanding me around..and got mad at me when i wouldn't do a sexual "favor" for him....we did end up having sex anyway (with protection of course--even though it was probaly to soon but whatever) so we did the deed and after that I wanted him to stay and he refused

Do you see how f*ked up that is? I wish you would have said NO to the sexual favours...Just shows how little respect he has for you, let alone the fact it was too soon for you to have sex after having the baby. Were you afraid to say no to him? You should have kicked him out of your house!

..rushing things,seemed to be in a hurry,very irrtibale..like he wasn't enjoying him self..so i got upset and he didn't even say anything....ignored me and said he had to go.I begged him to stay ,even broke down and tears and he said no.Then said he loved me and that he would call me the next day,kissed the baby and then just left. I wanted him to stay and hold me ,spend time with me you know ..and he just didn't care. .. i know I sound selfish but his behavior was just off and he wasn't acting like himself at all.

He seems like an a-hole.

He said that some of his family knows....

Have you met any of them? Are you sure he isn't lying to you? Just seems ODD that some of his family knows he's fathered a baby with another woman and they're keeping quiet about it.

You deserve better and he's not capable of giving that to you, let alone BE there for you. He'll be there on his terms and when he feels like as he's married already.

He is a cheater, a liar and is living a double life. See how he has treated you? Imagine how he treats his wife as well...Yuck! Somehow you need to get the strength and cut him out of your life! Work out arrangements so he can still see the baby (if he wants to) and payments as that IS his child...

January 19, 2008

Do you see how f*ked up that is? I wish you would have said NO to the sexual favours...Just shows how little respect he has for you, let alone the fact it was too soon for you to have sex after having the baby. Were you afraid to say no to him? You should have kicked him out of your house!

He seems like an a-hole.

Have you met any of them? Are you sure he isn't lying to you? Just seems ODD that some of his family knows he's fathered a baby with another woman and they're keeping quiet about it.

You deserve better and he's not capable of giving that to you, let alone BE there for you. He'll be there on his terms and when he feels like as he's married already.

He is a cheater, a liar and is living a double life. See how he has treated you? Imagine how he treats his wife as well...Yuck! Somehow you need to get the strength and cut him out of your life! Work out arrangements so he can still see the baby (if he wants to) and payments as that IS his child...

she needs to put some blame on herself to, she allowed and helped cause this entire situation. She needs to wake up

January 19, 2008

Oh I know she has to take the blame as well...I was just pointing out some things she needs to see and realize about this guy.

She knew going in he was married and she has put herself in this situation. It's sad and going to be a rough ride for her. I just feel for the baby because she/he (don't know if baby is girl or boy) didn't ask to born into this situation that's totally a mess.

January 19, 2008

Oh I know she has to take the blame as well...I was just pointing out some things she needs to see and realize about this guy.

She knew going in he was married and she has put herself in this situation. It's sad and going to be a rough ride for her. I just feel for the baby because she/he (don't know if baby is girl or boy) didn't ask to born into this situation that's totally a mess.

Im just trying to wake this person up. My feeling is that if we just say how horible a guy he is she will stay in her insanity. The truth is that this is playing out exactly the way I'd expect it to and the only person she can blame is herself. I mean cmon she should have woke up when he said his reason for not signing the birth cirtificate was so he wouldnt be forced to pay child suport and so his wife wouldnt find out. OP you need to wake up, your life can still be everything you want it to be but you need to stop complaining about this guy like he's going to change and take controll yourself. Your title shouldnt be Had Baby w/th MM ..He didn't sign the Birth Certificate... it should be Had Baby w/th MM ..Had to make him sign the birth Certificate.

January 19, 2008

she needs to put some blame on herself to, she allowed and helped cause this entire situation. She needs to wake up

She does blame herself. But her blame is warped, because she is blaming herself for HIS ****ty behaviour.

i know I sound selfish but his behavior was just off and he wasn't acting like himself at all.
But if he really did love me then why can't he just leave?? he claims he isn't having sex with anyone else////that he is "waiting" on me... but i really doubt that is true. ..even though i have doubted him before and was wrong.

I just feel for the baby because she/he (don't know if baby is girl or boy) didn't ask to born into this situation that's totally a mess.

Thats the saddest part.

January 19, 2008

She does blame herself. But her blame is warped, because she is blaming herself for HIS ****ty behaviour.

well if thats true thats probably where I got confused... I obviously dont think she should blame herself for his behaviors, but for her own. If she is warped blaming herself for his behavior thats pointless, and it confused me into thinking she was just putting the blame on him to avoid feeling remorse for her actions

January 19, 2008

This is a classic example of a man who isn't committed. No surprise, all things considered.

If you get involved in an affair, expect that extra-marital sex can result in babies. If you're not prepared to raise that baby on your own, why have it (abortion) or keep it (adoption)? Own your responsibilities in life.

January 19, 2008

well if thats true thats probably where I got confused... I obviously dont think she should blame herself for his behaviors, but for her own. If she is warped blaming herself for his behavior thats pointless, and it confused me into thinking she was just putting the blame on him to avoid feeling remorse for her actions

I think she is blinkered to his faults, and still can't see how much of a jerk off he is.

January 20, 2008

YL&YL...I'd like to show some sympathy for you, but I really can't.

It's your first born and the newborn I have sympathy for in this mess.

You've latched onto a MM who obviously doesn't mind giving you money. It's how he assuages his guilt over how he's using you. You are, essentially, prostituting your body, mind and heart to this man who just wants to purchase your time and sex from you. The money for the child was guilt money. Otherwise, he would have done the honorable thing and signed the birth certificate so your newborn doesn't grow up feeling like an unloved bastard child, born of your bad decisions.

Please, walk away from this. Show yourself, and your children, some respect and honor. They deserve to have a good man in their lives as a father figure, and you deserve to have a committed spouse who supports you out of love and respect and not out of guilt. You can't change the mistakes you've already made, which are unfortunately life-lasting. But you can break this cycle of pain and suffering by setting an example for your children. If you don't, they'll most likely end up just like you are now and hate you for it.

Good luck...I hope you make good decisions from here on out.

January 20, 2008

All I can say is that I am really sorry you are going through all that and please take care of you baby and yourself.

((hugs))))))))

January 20, 2008

My GOD woman, this man is a bully, a liar, has no respect for you and isn't proud of his beautiful new child at all...he wont even be named on the birth certificate?? Wtf? What a pathetic loser. And he even told you straight out its cause he doesnt want to pay child support or have his W know and you accepted this? Your self esteem must be on the floor.

And he pushed you into having sex with him a month after the birth - that's REALLY disrspectful...this is ridiculous-how much worse does he actually need to treat you before you wake up to what a nasty piece of work he is? The child needs this mess sorted out as much as possible - see if you can get him named on the birth cert as an absent father then file for child support and make sure his wife knows about this. Demand a paternity test too if he refuses to pay child support etc - he needs to be recognised as the father. Make the financial arrangements completely legit for your childs sake and do NOT let him intimidate you into changing your mind on that - I guarantee he'll turn into the biggest bully on earth to try and stop you doing whats right, but your kid needs you so stay strong on this.

And obviously do not let this A continue as he treats you like trash and doesn't love you at all.

Why do I think it's important to tell the W? Because its all about the child now, not about the mess made by MM and yourself. Imagine growing up and realising your own father treated you like a dirty little secret and wouldnt be with you mom as he had another family already - and she didnt fight to get him recognised as the father or get any support from him - that could mess up a kid forever!

The moment this is sorted out is the moment the future gets better for your child.

Good luck - I really hope you get out of this. I know my post was harsh but I 100% want to see you in a happier situation and I am really rooting for you here! - keep posting so we know how you're doing..

January 20, 2008

This might be long so please bare with me and read all that I have/need to say..

I have been with my MM for almost two years..We are VERY close,and very much into each other.I knew that i wanted to be with him the moment I laid eyes on him and vice versa.But of course he (MM) isn't willing to leave the W yet claims he wants to be with me "forever".

About 9 months into are relationship I found out I was pregnant..He took it better then I thought he would,so we decided to keep the baby and continued to make our relationship work.Everything I bought for this baby was with money that MM gave me..we both decided on the name and became excited about the baby..still stayed intimate,ect.We still had our arguments of course but really what couple doesn't??

Well ..I had the baby this month (very recent) and he has been more involved then I thought he would be.I mean i had my doubts and thought/feared that once the baby was born he would change and deny the baby and want nothing to do with the baby.He wasn't like that at all.He stayed with me while i was in labor/in the hospital the whole time..took pictures of the baby,bought a thing to put on the door,paid for the baby to be circumsized (insurance didn't cover it) gave me money ,and so on.So far he has been a wonderful daddy..He comes and see's me and the baby almost everyday and gives me money for support about every week since the baby had been born.I even named the baby something very simular to his name (his idea) so i guess i can only hope it stays this way.BUT he didn't want to sign the birth certificate.He said that his W could find out and that if he signed it the state would supposly make him pay for child support even even i haven't filed for it.Which i am sure isn't true but I agreed with him anyway.WHy ..because I love him and figured that If i did want to file for child suport late down the road..say if he stopped helping me finacialy then I could do so with out him signing it?? like having a paternity test taken.. and I honestly pefer the baby having my last name because me and MM aern't married and my first born has my last name aswell so what would be the point??

Now im not trying to make everything seem all peachy qeen and wonderful.It has been very hard having this baby and not having MM around EVERYTIME i need him.I wish that we could be living together,for the t imes i have to wake up for the night feedings,go to his doctor appointments,bond with the baby,do things together and instead of having him here with me im doing all of that alone and it hurts.Reality is a B!tch and I relise that im probaly setting a hard life for my baby ....exspecially if things go sour with me and MM.But im just trying to remain positive about everything ...even though im probaly in denial.

Last night MM came over and I saw another side of him that was scary..he acted controlling,started demanding me around..and got mad at me when i wouldn't do a sexual "favor" for him....we did end up having sex anyway (with protection of course--even though it was probaly to soon but whatever) so we did the deed and after that I wanted him to stay and he refused..rushing things,seemed to be in a hurry,very irrtibale..like he wasn't enjoying him self..so i got upset and he didn't even say anything....ignored me and said he had to go.I begged him to stay ,even broke down and tears and he said no.Then said he loved me and that he would call me the next day,kissed the baby and then just left. I wanted him to stay and hold me ,spend time with me you know ..and he just didn't care. .. i know I sound selfish but his behavior was just off and he wasn't acting like himself at all.

He said that some of his family knows....his sister,and his cousin ..but none of them have seen the baby yet, supposly when i was at the hopsital they were going to visit ...but none of them did.He said his sister bought the baby something but im not holding my breath...i don't even care really.I was surprised though when he said that he told his sister..that i didn't think he would do. I don't know much about MM and how his relationship is with his W ..I just figure it isn't that good since he is seeing me and praticuly living a double life behind her back.But if he really did love me then why can't he just leave?? he claims he isn't having sex with anyone else////that he is "waiting" on me... but i really doubt that is true. ..even though i have doubted him before and was wrong.

At this point you have to decide whether it is more important for you to preserve your R with MM or is it more important for you to provide a good life for you baby.

As far as I am concerned, his name needs to be on the birth certificate. Secondly, his W needs to know that he has a child out of wedlock. Thirdly, he needs to start paying child support. He made his bed, now he needs to lay in it.

OP, I don't think he has any intentions of being with you permanently. I think that he wants to keep W.

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Had Baby w/th MM ..He didn't sign the Birth Certificate

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