Shane7 Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Hey everyone, obviously I'm Shane. I've been here once before in December, but for different reasons.. I'm having a REALLY hard time here at college, and I'm basically here to talk with someone about it.. anyone.. The background is as follows: I dated a girl for roughly 2 months or so, and she ended up cheating on me and making out with some other guy at a dance while intoxicated. This was just after I had gotten out of the hospital. Yeah..not great timing needless to say.. Beyond that day, I was on a journey NOT to hate, but to forgive. I didn't know how far that would go, meaning, how far forgiving meant for the relationship, but I just couldn't stand seeing this girl everywhere and hating her. So, essentially, there was a part of me that honestly wanted her back, and a part of me that didn't.. This emotional struggle, which included going in and out of counselor meetings, went on for about 2-2 1/2 months..(I attended these alone.) Fast forward to today, and I was just informed that she had been seeing someone after our relationship ended. No, it wasn't immediately following and No, I don't believe she has officially said "yes," but yeah.. I'm feeling terrible because now I not only have feelings of hate and resentment toward this girl, but also, I am alone, I feel like a worthless tool, and she..is moving right along in the opposite direction. Life really seems like it wants to give me the short end of the stick consistently.. Help.. :(
Author Shane7 Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 Note: When I say I see this girl everywhere... I MEAN it. Not only do I work with her one day out of every week, but I also see her in the library, at lunch, etc. I'm in a small college, and it just makes it all that much worse..
JustinWolf Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Hey there Shane, you know what you doing? You just hurting yourself because you *THINK* you're alone. You go to college man!! COLLEGE!! Rings a bell? Usually when I say that to other guys they think about women. You know my point? You have to think about yourself, be happy, let that happiness spread around you and watch as the women come forward. You don't have to do anything, just be happy and good things will come to you. Life is hard, you'll go through so much and you're still young. As the older people here on LS and they will tell you that what you're going through is not a big deal. You have to just make Shane happy. Shane got to smile. Shane got to have fun. Shane time!!! Right now, if you seem sad, people will notice and they have a tendency to avoid being with people who are sad or feeling worthless. One thing I know, no one is worthless. Mather of fact, dude, in life we only fall to get up. So it's time you got up and rock your socks! Don't forget what that girl did though because you don't ever want to think of her in a good way, it's SHANE time like I said. So go and enjoy:P
Author Shane7 Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 Indeed...I guess it is about time I care for myself... I CAN'T let her break me down.. That gives her way too much power.. I should just be able to look both of them in the face, chuckle, and then walk casually away...either alone or with friends..or what have you...
Author Shane7 Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 Any other thoughts on this? I would appreciate anyone's input...
JustinWolf Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Indeed...I guess it is about time I care for myself... I CAN'T let her break me down.. That gives her way too much power.. I should just be able to look both of them in the face, chuckle, and then walk casually away...either alone or with friends..or what have you... You sort of answered your own question Shane time is the best, it's where you get to do whatever you want because you're single and there is no woman that's going to get mad at you. There's positive things too about being single. Less stress, more fun, no need to call anyone, relaxing, drinking more with buddies, the kinks. Just smile your way through, worst case scenario, they'll feel the pain and realise what they are missing on.
timjones0674 Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Shane, I am very sorry for what happened, but you need to forget about this girl and give the next one a chance. Let me cue you into what happened... Your pride got hurt, and you are trying to reclaim it. I mean 2 months is nothing my young lad... Also, I know it is hard to think about now, but I think you really need to rethink you perspective on women in general. It is not about possessing them, but rather the experiences that you have with them. Have fun with the girl you are with and work to make it fun for the two of you while together, but realize that it rarely lasts. Eventually I promise you will get to the point where you will look back on all of the women you have dated in your life with nothing more than a smile... You will get there... Finally, realize that anger is not the opposite of love, but rather indifference. Meaning, forgiving someone does not mean you are doing the right thing. No caring anymore is the answer you are looking for.. Good Luck!!
Author Shane7 Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 I just.. I guess I feel anger and resentment for not having anyone..yet she does... I'm jealous... thats all. Just don't want to see her thats all.. Don't want to see her with him.. =(
Author Shane7 Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 I should add...that.. I have a real big problem keeping her totally out of my mind, probably because I see her so frequently.. She's really holding me back..and its hard not to get frustrated and very sad.. She was, for all intensive purposes, my first "real" girlfriend.. and yeah.. Tough... She can move on because I'm at least her third or so..plus it was such a short time.. Me, I'm...too damn obsessive. Too damn worried about seeing her with someone else, and letting reality sink in.
Author Shane7 Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 (edited) Here..I guess I'll just come out and say EVERYTHING: Obviously, I KNOW we can't be together..(No duh.) The ONLY way it would have even possibly occurred, is if she would have vowed to give up alcohol and partying. And I say that, because, frankly, I have to. It is the only way in which paranoia wouldn't seep into my mind in terms of having to worry about where she was on a weekend, or how much alcohol she had consumed, where she had consumed it, etc. (I don't drink or party..at all. Just for the record. Haha.) Ironically though, quitting is something she has tried even in the recent past, and has failed. On multiple occasions. She now admits to me that it is a part of her character. (From my memories of her tales about her own history..) Plus, I can't lie to myself, some other aspects of her character were tough for me to accept, regardless of how wrong or right that is/was... We were opposites who attracted, essentially, but there were definitely differences in our characters as well...different likes, dislikes, tastes, viewpoints.. Different people. So why the hell can't I just let this go and accept the fact that she moved on? I mean, I even expected this. She's an attractive girl who was distraught by what she had done and what I had said, and not only that, she's in college... Guys look for this kind of "easy access" crap, sadly.. Now, I will admit, I do NOT know this boy she is with, and maybe it IS possible that he was actually just a nice individual who honestly wants to make a positive influence.. Somehow I really doubt it, but that COULD be a possibility.. Either way, I know I've hurt her in many ways..as she has me, and I bet she just desires a fresh start, much like I do. Why I can't accept that, the fact that we were two different people with different values...is beyond even me. Upon reflection, I know thats true. I guess I'm just too bitter and alone right now to make my own apologies for my hurtful actions and to then..accordingly..bury the grudge, drop the hatchet, and move on. Her wounds still linger in me I guess..which just gives negativity more power.. gah... =( Edited January 20, 2008 by Shane7
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