petra Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Heres my dilemma. Fall of 06, I met a guy on myspace. He was away at school, so we emailed for a few months. When he got home to where we both live, I was one of the first people he contacted. We went out, had a drink alone, then later on met up some friends of his who were in town. We went back to his place, kissed for a long time, then I went home. About a week later, I ended up booty calling him (not smart, I know). I went over in the middle of the night, we had sex (hes pretty bad in bed). He asked me to stay the night, but I left because I felt awkward. I still really liked him, and tried to see him again a few times, and he would reply to me, but we never saw each other again last year. We would communicate from time to time, but he was once again away at school. Last winter, I sent him an email wishing him happy holidays. He replied the same. A week ago, I sent him a message and asked when he was coming home. He said the next night. So I said we needed to hang out when he got himself settled. I figured maybe in a few weeks I would hear from him. No, he called the next night! We made plans for me to come by his place in a few days. The next night, he had friends over, and called me to see if I wanted to come hang out. I said no, be with your friends, and I will see you the next night as planned. I went over, cooked dinner for us, and then we hung out for a few hours. We fooled around, but did not have sex. (He didnt have any condoms!). He didnt ask me to stay the night, so I left. A few days later I sent him a note about the cold weather, and he responded cheerfully. I cannot figure this guy out! I am hoping that this year is not a repeat of last and he is happy to have only one date with me. It seems like I am always the first person he sees when he gets home, and it is not about sex, because if it was, I think he would have been smarter to get condoms when I went over last week, and he didnt, so obviously sex wasnt on the front of his mind. I know we have fun together when we are together, but I get the feeling he has like no experience with girls/dating/relationships. I wonder if he knows he is as bad in bed as he is, and this is also why he pulls back from me. Thing is to me, he is worth working out. He is a great guy and I so love being with him! And I know when he lets his guard down with me he is equally playful and animated and we laugh a ton. Im just so confused as to how to handle it. I want him to pursue me but I get the feeling that I will need to make the moves again, though last year it didnt work out too well! It just seems odd that he would seek me out as soon as he gets home and then have a good time and then not actively want to see me. Each time, before we saw each other, he is all over me in order to nail down a date. Then when its over, he pulls back. What do you think? Do you think hes socially awkward and so insecure and unsure of himself that he doesnt know how to behave? He is not a player at all, if youre thinking that. If he was, hed be a lot smoother and would keep me around longer than one date a year. Help!
Jilly Bean Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 I dunno, P. My first thought would have been to say that he is a player, but then when I read all of it, it makes me think he has some serious insecurities and as you said, doesn't seem to be too savvy with the ladies. Its odd to me that he would seek you out so strongly and quickly each time he comes home, and then goes MIA. If he had a bad time last year, I wouldnt think hed be back for more. Weird. I might contact him and ask when he wanted to get together again. If he hems and haws, then I think you know you have a repeat on your hands, and I wouldnt deal with him again after that.
Author petra Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 Thanks Jilly. I really do like him and we have fun when were together. Im just afraid to put myself out there again for the rejection. Though he could be thinking the same thing. Do you think its pushy of me to contact him again? Anyone else have any thoughts? Id really love some opinions. Help!
4givrnt4gtr Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Hmm you know P. I think he miiiiight be a bit insecured. How do you behave at the end of each date? Do you let him know you hada great time and want to see him again? Cuz, if he is as insecured as he appears to be, and you dont reassure him you have a great time, his fragile ego might take a hit and he could decide to not see you to avoid feeling rejected. Maybe you could try contacting ONE more time, and see if a meeting can be set up. If he still, after you assure him you had a great time the last time, doesnt offer to meet up again, then, well, isnt as interested as you might hope. good luck!
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