trulysomething Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 After deciding to go NC on Thursday, and explaining this to my ex, I'm having such a tough time. Even though we broke up in September, we've never gone more than 4 days without speaking to each other. I know this time is different and it's killing me, but I guess I need to do that in order to move on. He refused to acknowledge what I was really telling him and kept saying that we'd be closer and he'd make sure of that. But he doesn't love me, he's still stuck with his old ex, his first 'everything' when he was 29 (He's 32 now..she's 23(!) I'm 33). He can't seem to move on from her either..and I think they talk as much as we do, maybe more. So, I need to finalize things. She lives in Malaysia and him in the UK. They have not seen each other in 2 years and he has said he won't go and see her and she has said she's not coming back for him. In fact, he even came to stay with me and my family this past summer for three months! He claims they've never had a "proper" breakup...and yet, she has broken up with him constantly over msn, but I'm assuming he again refuses to acknowledge it like he did with me and my request. He told me he'd come for me (he's afraid of flying) and that he'd done it once and would do it again for me...I told him to go to Malaysia. Even while I've been here, we've spent hours everyday chatting on webcam, watching films together and voice chat.. I told him he should be spending that time with her and not me. Had I known about this ex(he still claims she's the ex, but she thinks they are still together and prays everynight that God reunites them...all while she travels EVERYWHERE except to be with him!!!!!) in the beginning of the relationship, I would've bailed out. But I found out after I fell in love with him. I've only ever really loved 2 people romantically and this is killing me. He's my best friend AND the person I can't stand when all this comes up. I guess I just need a hug today...I feel even more sad because I'm heading back to the UK next week..only 45 mins from him. I know I deserve someone better for me...and JUST ME.
Author trulysomething Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 Thanks for the hugs everyone...*laughs*
CalamitousJane Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 [[[[[trulysomething]]]]] That is such a sad story. It's horrible to have such strong feelings toward someone who's so confused and conflicted. NC is terribly hard when you value the person as a friend. But it's SO worth it. It might help you to give yourself a time limit of 30 or 60 days, and just stay focussed on the goal. Believe it or not, with NC you WILL feel better in a month, and even better the month after.
Green Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 wow a lonely women who wants a hug, great excuse for body contact
mrcope Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Your ex bf name is Richard and the girl from Malaysia is a chinese lady? Cos my ex had a bf in UK last 2 years.
Author trulysomething Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 Hi MrCope...nope..not Richard. Different couple. Dang. Could you imagine if it was the same?? It does sound really similar. KMT...hahahaha...craving it, yes.*L* CalamitousJane....Thanks soo much Calamitous, it has been incredibly hard but I am excited about things getting better and easier.(I sooooo hope so!) Do you mean contact him after 60 days? Although we were best friends (he really has no other friends...just me and her) I will miss horribly his friendship, but thinking back, he doesn't even know how to be a good friend..so why should I give him even that. *sigh* Thanks for listening to my sob story..I just gotta move on with things and feel good and strong and safe in my decision. In the end, I am sure it will definitely save me a lot of grief and time.
JustinWolf Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 if I could fly to wherever you are, here's a big ONE *HUGGGGGG*
Author trulysomething Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 Awwwww...thanks Justinwolf *hugs back* Sometimes that's just what we need you know.
JustinWolf Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Awwwww...thanks Justinwolf *hugs back* Sometimes that's just what we need you know. Yes, I know.
Author trulysomething Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 I was unable to stick to NC....*GRRRRRR*I had every good intention..but not talking to him made me even more miserable! I was really really good for a week. Then...we talked and he told me he had booked a plane ticket to go and see her in California (where she was working). He kept saying..it's just 12 days..it's only a trip. Part of me was glad he was going.Another part of me was terrified. To make a long story short...he has come back 3 days ago. He had a great time..met a lot of new friends (her friends all from the church (he is not religious at all)) and although he tells me he still considers himself to be single (whatta crock!), everyone else considered him to be dating her and she obviously says the same. (although on all her profiles, it says she is single) Anyway, I guess it proved my point that things really are over between us. I had hoped that seeing her would bring some clarity into his life..and maybe it did *shrugs* Either way. I know for certain that I need to move on now.
ibitealil Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 First of all a ((((((Hug))))))))))) to you, It sounds like his heart is not into you ...so he has problems with this lady and it shouldnt be ur problem any more... I also had to break up with my bf 5 months ago cuz he didnt love me..he didnt have a girl when we broke up but he got one a month after that... He said "u hurt me but i ll be fine" when he let me know that he met someone else..and when i told him to get his things back from me he said u can just throw them away :-( So, I also wanted to be friends with him and be nice to him and broke NC so many times but it hurt so bad whenever he s being so nice and friendly to me everytime i contacted him because that gave me a little hope that he at least cares about me and made me regret or doubt whether i made a mistake... I am NC with him for almost a month now and im planning to keep NC although that doesnt mean i dont think of him anymore...cuz i think i still love him :-( i wanna live with my life if hes living with his ..but i need some time...so do you...lets hope together hugs again :-)
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