stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Went out on a date Thursday night with a new girl. She is extremely pretty, I feel as though better than I could usually get. The date went extremely well, I thought. After dinner we got coffee at Starbucks, I got just a regular, she got a caramel something,....I asked her how it was, and she gave me it to taste. I thought that was a good sign letting me taste it with a cap on it. At the end of the night she didnt have any ones for the parking garage, so I told her I would give her what she needed if she considered a second date with me. She playfully said twist my arm why dont ya. Yeasterday at about 3 I text her saying I had a nice time, and I hope she did too. I never heard back from her, including when she was on Yahoo, so I knew she knew I was on line. This morning I IMed her while she was offline saying I guess from her lack of responce to my text, that she didnt as good of night as I thought she did. Nothing at all rude, just curious why she didnt text back. She texted me this morning saying a coffee flavor I reccomended was good at DD. So I called and said I thought she wasnt interested from her not getting back to me, and I left her an IM stating that. She never said she wasnt interested during the convo, but never said she was, either. Did I blow it by leaving the IM? It wasnt nasty at all. I told her on the phone to call me later if she got the chance.
nicki Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 I wouldn't sweat it too much. She's interested or she wouldn't have texted you back about the coffee flavor thing. That was her way of showing interest after your IM. (and your IM was okay, non-accusing, but it did show a bit of insecurity -- which I understand because she didn't immediately reply to your text) It's rare that a woman (at first) will just come right out and admit her interest. We have been conditioned not to do that by many men who like the chase. So, don't leave the ball in her court asking her to call you. Call her again and specifically ask her out on a date. And next time you are worried about a lack of response to a text, simply text her again the next day about something (like she did about the coffee flavor.) If you get no response after a couple of texts, back off and wait. But, don't worry in this situation. All looks good. Go have fun!
Author stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 (edited) Thank you, Ms Nicki. I am very insecure by nature anyways. Never though I could get someone whom looks like this woman to ever go out with me in the first place, let alone think something could develope. So in your opinion do you think I should leave her be for a few days, then ask her out again? Edited January 19, 2008 by stevessvt
Author stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 Just remembered another reason for me to think she didnt dig me was I went on the web site we met from last night and she was on there, only to vanish a few moments later, making me think she saw me and didnt want to have to deal with me.
sb129 Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 I agree with Nicki- if you are TOO keen, it comes across as insecurity, which can be a little off putting to women. She is clearly interested in keeping the lines of communication open with you, but not wanting to rush things- we have been conditioned to wait until the man calls, and not appear too interested too soon, and that calling a guy to soon may appear needy. Its a stupid double standard, but there you have it. Give it a day or two (I hate all this waiting a few days to call bollocks, but you have definitely made your interest clear) and ask her out again. If you aren't too available, she is more likely to be more interested. I know that sounds terrible, but its true. If a guy was bombarding me with texts IMs and calls (not the way you have, yours were OK) I would think he was desperate and would be a little turned off by that. Ask her out again!
Author stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 I agree with Nicki- if you are TOO keen, it comes across as insecurity, which can be a little off putting to women. She is clearly interested in keeping the lines of communication open with you, but not wanting to rush things- we have been conditioned to wait until the man calls, and not appear too interested too soon, and that calling a guy to soon may appear needy. Its a stupid double standard, but there you have it. Give it a day or two (I hate all this waiting a few days to call bollocks, but you have definitely made your interest clear) and ask her out again. If you aren't too available, she is more likely to be more interested. I know that sounds terrible, but its true. If a guy was bombarding me with texts IMs and calls (not the way you have, yours were OK) I would think he was desperate and would be a little turned off by that. Ask her out again! Thank you so much for the input,......I will do just that, give her until maybe Monday and ring her.
nicki Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Yeah, I understand what you mean about insecurity, especially at the beginning when you don't really know what's going on in the other person's head. But, don't let it get the best of you. I always assume the best until there is proof to the contrary. For instance, instead of assuming she didn't want to talk to you on the website, think maybe she either didn't see you, or didn't know what to say. Maybe SHE felt insecure. Call her tomorrow, be confident. Small talk for a few minutes. Ask her about her day, and then ask her out for next week sometime. Make it definite, with a day and time. And, please think more highly of yourself. Of course you could get a girl like this. You already did! You went out on a date with her. You don't really know her yet, so I'm guessing you think she's hot and didn't think you could get a girl that hot. You might decide later you don't much like what's on the inside. So reserve judgment on whether she's right for you. Just enjoy what's going on and gather more information. Be sensitive, but confident in who you are. You are amazing and quite a catch, I'm sure.
Author stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 Thank you, ma'am. Its hard to reverse 37years of thinking this way about ones self. But Im doing better (if you can believe it, lol) I have lost a lot of weight and am hitting the gym to improve myself, and I think its starting to reap rewards.
nicki Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Good idea SB129 to wait until Monday to call and ask her out! He HAS already shown his interest. She still may call you anyway this weekend to chat.
Ariadne Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Hi, Did I blow it by leaving the IM? No. You blew it for being desperate and pushy. I know she's pretty and all, but you seem like a pain. Like this: ----- ~ I told her I would give her what she needed if she considered a second date with me. ~ (playfully said twist my arm) ~ I text her saying I had a nice time ~ (never heard back) ~ I IMed her..she didn't [have] as good of night as I thought (She texted me this morning saying a coffee...) ~ I called and said I thought she wasnt interested ~ I left her an IM stating that ~ I told her on the phone to call me later ---- I'd say chill, but I think you must have come across as desperate the whole date. Good luck.
Author stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 Wow, that seems pretty harsh, but who knows, maybe your right.
sb129 Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Thats our Ariadne, she calls em as she sees em. Steve, chill. The girl likes you, don't scare her off! Confidence is much more attractive than neediness... look at what her confidence is doing to you, its making you more interested! DOn't sell yourself so short. She went out on a date with you, even if this one doesn't work out, odds are someone else will want to date you as well. Just give it a day or two, then call her and ask her out again. Simple.
Author stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 Oh, I absolutely will have NC with her until Monday, unless, of course, she contacts me.
Jilly Bean Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Steve, I don't think shes interested. If you are 37, is it safe to assume she is also in her 30s? If so, most women by this age know how to respond to encourage a man. I think you've shown a LOT of neediness and insecurity, and even if she was interested in a second date, that could have buried your chances. I could be wrong - but I know I am most attracted to a confident guy, and all of your neediness and intense contact post-date would have turned me off.
Ariadne Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Oh, I absolutely will have NC with her until Monday, unless, of course, she contacts me. Yeah, Guys go out with a pretty girl and throw all their money at her, and have an attitude of, do you want me? do you want me? Just be your cool self, treat her like you'd treat any one of your buddies or something.
Author stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 ...and all of your neediness and intense contact post-date would have turned me off. Im having a hard time figuring out where all the contacting has taken place? Under the encouragement from another woman friend I texted her that I had a nice time and hoped she did as well. What is wrong with that? After 16 hours of no response, and seeing her online in multiple places at multiple times, I thought she must have not enjoyed herself, and I IMed her curious what what wrong for her. Its not like I IMed her 10 times and texted her 12. I was curtious, thoughtful, and nice the entire evening. I was not needy in any way shape or form. I was an absolute gentleman, hell, I even brought her a white rose, and she was stunned by it. We had excellent conversation. I was attentive to her and thoughtful. I was witty and playful, as she was in return.
Author stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 And if she really doesnt want me to persue her any more, maybe she should get the balls up and let me know like an adult should, and not lead me on in the first place.
Jilly Bean Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Lets see, here is what you did: 1 - you asked her out again ON the first date. 2 - you texted her the next day saying you had a good time. 3 - then you IM her saying she must not have enjoyed herself, since you haven't heard back from her. 4 - then you CALL her and say you thought she wasnt interested, since you hadnt heard back from her. How you dont see that as needy and desperate is beyond me. You contacted her twice in the span of hours to tell her you assumed she wasnt interested - thats needy, insecure and a tad desperate. The proper protocol was to contact her the next day, say you had a great time, and that you would be in touch again soon. Then wait a few days, and then call and ask her out on a specific date. The white rose on a first date is also over the top, IMO. Would have turned me off as well. I agree with Ariadne on this one. As a chick, your actions would have turned me off. Now again, I may very well be wrong and this young lady may enjoy a guy who behaves like this. I just know for me, I'd be gagging and deleting you from every form of communication you could reach me on.
Ariadne Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 And if she really doesnt want me to persue her any more, maybe she should get the balls up and let me know like an adult should, and not lead me on in the first place. Yeah... I just tell them. (not like I date much either)
Jilly Bean Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 And if she really doesnt want me to persue her any more, maybe she should get the balls up and let me know like an adult should, and not lead me on in the first place. How did she lead you on?
Author stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 Lets see, here is what you did: 1 - you asked her out again ON the first date. 2 - you texted her the next day saying you had a good time. 3 - then you IM her saying she must not have enjoyed herself, since you haven't heard back from her. 4 - then you CALL her and say you thought she wasnt interested, since you hadnt heard back from her. How you dont see that as needy and desperate is beyond me. You contacted her twice in the span of hours to tell her you assumed she wasnt interested - thats needy, insecure and a tad desperate. The proper protocol was to contact her the next day, say you had a great time, and that you would be in touch again soon. Then wait a few days, and then call and ask her out on a specific date. The white rose on a first date is also over the top, IMO. Would have turned me off as well. I agree with Ariadne on this one. As a chick, your actions would have turned me off. Now again, I may very well be wrong and this young lady may enjoy a guy who behaves like this. I just know for me, I'd be gagging and deleting you from every form of communication you could reach me on. Really, so trying to be a gentleman is bad these days, huh? And I called her in response to a text she sent me. And yes, I guess I do find in inconsiderate for someone to not respond to a text with in a reasonable amount of time. All she had to do is take 2 seconds to say ME TOO. Then I would have known she got it, and she did indeed enjoy herself.
Author stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 How did she lead you on? By saying she wanted a second date if she really didnt want it.
sb129 Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Ah Steve, don't let the negative single harpies get you down. While alot of what Jilly Bean is makes some sense, I still think you have a chance to turn this around, because she HAS contacted you back. Just back off for a couple of days, and ask her out again. Don't go too over the top on the second date if you accepts though- you don't need to bring flowers every date. And just because she doesn't immediately let you know whether she had a good time doesn't mean she didn't, so don't bombard her with requests for affirmation of her good time. Chill out, let it flow, and see what happens. The best attitude to have is that if it doesn't work out, its good practice for the next one. Its amazing how much more relaxed you are on dates if you take this attitude. Trust me on this one I know from personal experience.
Jilly Bean Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Really, so trying to be a gentleman is bad these days, huh? And I called her in response to a text she sent me. And yes, I guess I do find in inconsiderate for someone to not respond to a text with in a reasonable amount of time. All she had to do is take 2 seconds to say ME TOO. Then I would have known she got it, and she did indeed enjoy herself. No, I don't think being a gentleman is ever wrong. But I think a rose on the first date is creepy, particularly if we had never met before. I think there is a time and a place for everything, and I dont like a guy who throws so much at me on date one. And I suspect she didnt respond because she didnt want to, or didnt know what to say, or didnt want to falsely encourage you. You have to understand from casual dating that people generally wont tell each other the flat out truth - that they didnt like you and dont want to see you again. Its hurtful and mean and uncomfortable to be that confrontational. People will generally do the fade out, and not return communication. I go the other way, actually. I WILL tell a guy I am not interested in seeing him again. And then I usually incur the Wrath of Khan and get called every nasty name in the book. See why it's not always good to be so honest? lol But realistically, you had ONE date with her. Keep it in perspective. Keep dating and pursuing other women, and this one wont seem like such a huge deal. Whatever happens with her should be separate from other dating activities at this point for you.
Author stevessvt Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 Ah Steve, don't let the negative single harpies get you down. While alot of what Jilly Bean is makes some sense, I still think you have a chance to turn this around, because she HAS contacted you back. Just back off for a couple of days, and ask her out again. Don't go too over the top on the second date if you accepts though- you don't need to bring flowers every date. And just because she doesn't immediately let you know whether she had a good time doesn't mean she didn't, so don't bombard her with requests for affirmation of her good time. Chill out, let it flow, and see what happens. The best attitude to have is that if it doesn't work out, its good practice for the next one. Its amazing how much more relaxed you are on dates if you take this attitude. Trust me on this one I know from personal experience. Oh, no ma'am, I only bring flowers on a first date. I truly think its a nice touch. I am a very respectful person, I call every one ma'am and sir. It just shows that I have respect for them. And like I said, I will have NC until Monday. We didnt eat at a blown away fancy resteraunt, I didnt try to impress her in the least, I was completely myself.
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