overhim08 Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 In your experience does sex with an ex ever lead to love? In my opinion (i guess it depends on the individual), i can't separate the feelings i used to have for him in the past from the present. but i am hesitant because i think he can. so i was just wondering a - is it a guy thing? (ie are more guys wired that way than girls)? b- will he loose complete respect for me if i do engage in this behavior? (i never have had sex with anyone with no emotional attachment or the possibility of something meaningful in the future)... c- is there a chance that this will turn into something more meaningful? d- is there anything i can do to not be this way? lol.. i do want to learn to enjoy sex with no expectations - its probably a great feeling - it 's just against my nature... thank you all!!!
carrotgirl Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 (edited) Oh08, My thinking in all things is basically that it's very difficult and almost impossible to know the inner workings of someone else's thoughts and feelings. They are in as constant change and motion as our own. Different from one second to the next. Think about all the different things you think and feel.... Could you ever speak them all enough to make someone understand and feel it in real time with you exactly as you do? I don't think so. So what we do is trust in ourselves and what we bring to our relationships and trust in what other people bring to our relationships and either fill in the gaps and we are pleased with that or we find a way to have peace and happiness in whatever we have, even if there are some gaps. Some men, like some women, find a tremendous bonding in sex. They can't separate the two. Some can. Some women lie about feeling a connection during sex. Some men lie about feeling a connection during sex. Whatever the elusive thing is that catalyzes a response -- I can tell you it's not any more sex than it is cooking or cleaning or laughing or shopping or playing cards. It happens. It doesn't happen. Sometimes it happens and then the feelings change. Reading between the lines, it sounds like you're wondering if you have sex with your ex, will he start feeling something more or different for you. The answer is. He might. He might not. It might be because you're a fabulous lay, but I rather doubt that's the answer, it will be because there is some thing unforeseen and unplanned by you that captures his fancy again. Will he lose respect for you? Who knows? He might lose respect for you if you chew with your mouth open or if he sees you picking your nose or if you say something catty or if you complain about the weather. There just is no knowing. Have respect for yourself and that will set the tone. OK? I really think that's key, being true to yourself. For what it's worth, we're, my ex and I, slowly embarking on a new relationship with each other. We're not having sex. It's not because we don't want to. There's plenty of mutual attraction. (Thank the universe!) It's often overwhelming. But we took things slowly when we first started dating and we're taking things slowly now. For us, it's about a whole lot more than sex. We already know that part is phenomenal and for GD, he can't separate sex from his emotions almost at all. We're going very slowly and I was about to say gently, but as we're trusting ourselves and each other more and more, there is much less worry about mis-stepping. So my advice is this. If having sex will make YOU feel good and he's a go, then yah, go for it! If you think that over all, having sex won't be good for you, then don't. But probably, sex isn't going to be the missing ingredient bringing the two of you to a new emotional and romantic understanding. It could happen that way but lots of other inexplicable things could make that happen too. Carrot Edited January 19, 2008 by carrotgirl
Albucosor Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 Well in my experience sex with an ex only leads to...complications Unless you are absolutely crystal clear about what you want and you are absolutely sure that the partner understands it and agree with it. For instance, if you want just fun...then say it loud and clear. And if he answers that it may lead to more, then say no. On the opposite, if you want sex to lead to love, then wait a little, until he too makes it absolutely crystal clear to you that this is what he wants to. (and in that case, you can wait a little to be sure)
caramel271 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I think with any person feelings will start to take toll if sex with that person is continuous. With an ex if you still have feelings or still love that person, it is definitely hard to sleep with that person without those feelings being there or re-surfacing. But i think when it comes to having sex if its just a one time thing or once in awhile..you may not feel anything but if you have feelings for that person and have a friendship or past with that person.. I think love will spark sooner or later!
Lovelybird Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 we are made this way: if we have sex with certain man, we give all of us, not only body but also soul, naturally it is a 'surrender' behaviour, that means we trust him fully, and he fully is commited to you. above is how we made naturally, if anything is agaisnt this principle, depression or unsatisfying feeling will happen, sometimes can dig a big hole in your heart
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