Author ShoeGirl Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Very weird how he changed just like that. Has anything different happened between you two recently? Nothing at all, we spent from Friday night until this morning together and everything was normal. I am completely confused, I have no clue what happened. By the way what are you doing up this late??
Author ShoeGirl Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 :lmao: I knew you would laugh at that one
Pyro Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Nothing at all, we spent from Friday night until this morning together and everything was normal. I am completely confused, I have no clue what happened. By the way what are you doing up this late?? Its possible that he has lost interest in the relationship. He might want to see if the grass is greener on the other side. Whatever it may be, he needs to tell you what he wants. Its obvious you know what you want. I could ask you the same thing. Bad mistake to do a full workout at 12 midnight. I am restless.
OpenBook Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 A few hours later we were laying on my bed talking when he suddenly got all serious. He basically said that he had been thinking a lot about us for the past few weeks and he wasn't sure that he wanted to be in a relationship, not just with me but with anyone. He made a point to tell me that there wasn't anyone else and that he didn't want to lose me, he basically wants to not be together but still hang out sometimes. I told him that if he didn't want a relationship that's his choice but he can't expect me to wait around for him. He said that when he is with me he is the happiest he has been in a long time but when I am not around he questions whether or not he should be in a relationship. He also told me that his ex has been texting him a lot lately, so I asked if she had something to do with him not wanting a relationship. He said that he wouldn't get back together with her even if that's what she wanted and that she was not any part of why he didn't want a relationship. We talked about it for about an hour, by then end he kept saying that he shouldn't have brought it up at all, and that it was a mistake to say anything to me. Oof. What a flake! He's gaslighting you. ("It doesn't have anything to do with my ex" -- my @ss!!) If you were "the real thing" for him, he'd be doing everything in his power to make you feel secure and loved. He's not; he's doing the opposite instead. If I were you, I would suddenly get REAL busy and vague. His flakiness is NOT your problem.
Author ShoeGirl Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Its possible that he has lost interest in the relationship. He might want to see if the grass is greener on the other side. Whatever it may be, he needs to tell you what he wants. Its obvious you know what you want. I hope that's not the case, even if it was I wouldn't think he would flip over night, especially since I was with him over night. I told him again what I want, so he shouldn't have any questions as to what I am thinking. I could ask you the same thing. Bad mistake to do a full workout at 12 midnight. I am restless. It's a little earlier here than it is there! Besides I had been out drinking until about 30 minutes ago
Pyro Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 I hope that's not the case, even if it was I wouldn't think he would flip over night, especially since I was with him over night. I told him again what I want, so he shouldn't have any questions as to what I am thinking. It's a little earlier here than it is there! Besides I had been out drinking until about 30 minutes ago Theres got to be an explanation behind this sudden flakiness. I know that goofball. Isn't this a worknight for you? Bar night on a Sunday? We have trained you well.
Author ShoeGirl Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Theres got to be an explanation behind this sudden flakiness. I know that goofball. Isn't this a worknight for you? Bar night on a Sunday? We have trained you well. I know there has to be an explanation, and I am pretty sure it's not his ex... I just wish I knew what it was. Tomorrow is a holiday... those of us who work for the state get the day off... so why not drink??
Pyro Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 I know there has to be an explanation, and I am pretty sure it's not his ex... I just wish I knew what it was. Tomorrow is a holiday... those of us who work for the state get the day off... so why not drink?? I hope its not his ex either. Thats not the same broad that you said follows the group around is it? Ah yes, MLK Day. I have never ever had that day off for work or for school. EVER. I'll drink to Dr. K.
Author ShoeGirl Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 I hope its not his ex either. Thats not the same broad that you said follows the group around is it? Ah yes, MLK Day. I have never ever had that day off for work or for school. EVER. I'll drink to Dr. K. It is the same one that follows them around... I find it hard to believe that she's causing him to freak out because she has always been there and she hasn't caused him to question us before. I have always had MLK day off school but never work, I guess there is always a first.
Pyro Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 It is the same one that follows them around... I find it hard to believe that she's causing him to freak out because she has always been there and she hasn't caused him to question us before. I have always had MLK day off school but never work, I guess there is always a first. I never understood how my school district never had today off. I am truly at loss for words right now. You know him better then any of us. I do hope that he will be open and honest with you about everything.
Author ShoeGirl Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 I never understood how my school district never had today off. I am truly at loss for words right now. You know him better then any of us. I do hope that he will be open and honest with you about everything. I thought every school had today off I don't know what to think right now. I am so frustrated, I don't want to believe that his ex is causing this but I don't know what else to think. I told him when he dropped me off "this better not be about (ex's name) because you know I won't stick around" all he said was, it's not her. He's supposed to call me today sometime, I want him to call now so I don't have to feel like this all day
Pyro Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Alright, I just went back and read your post again. I see that he is going to call you today to talk to you about everything. Don't let him beat around the bush. Make sure he sticks to the point with you. It may be his ex causing this but he knows that it will hurt you deeply if he admits to it, so he may never admit to it. Good luck Doc. Not my district. We are a special district.
Author ShoeGirl Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 Alright, I just went back and read your post again. I see that he is going to call you today to talk to you about everything. Don't let him beat around the bush. Make sure he sticks to the point with you. It may be his ex causing this but he knows that it will hurt you deeply if he admits to it, so he may never admit to it. Good luck Doc. Not my district. We are a special district. Thanks for the good luck I'll need it (well hopefully I won't and everything will be fine). Special district for all the special people??
Pyro Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Thanks for the good luck I'll need it (well hopefully I won't and everything will be fine). Special district for all the special people?? I hope so too. Keep us informed would you? I need to know if I need to make a special trip out there to kick some as$. If you have seen some of the tactics used by our district, you'd see it for yourself. I am very special indeedy.
Author ShoeGirl Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 I hope so too. Keep us informed would you? I need to know if I need to make a special trip out there to kick some as$. If you have seen some of the tactics used by our district, you'd see it for yourself. I am very special indeedy. I will definitely let you know when I know something.
Author ShoeGirl Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 He text me yesterday at 3ish saying he was working on his car and it was taking longer than he expected and that he'd call when he was done, he said he was texting me so I wouldn't think he was ignoring me. He called at 7 and asked if I would come over and he would make me dinner, so I did. Basically it came down to a bunch of things that have made him freak out... his brother is getting divorced after a 2 year marriage, his best friend said that he thought that he would end up marrying me, and his ex keeps texting him telling him how much she still loves him. He said all of it was freaking him out. He said he knows that my worse fear is getting cheated on and told me that I have nothing to worry about as far as his ex goes. He kept saying that he didn't want to lose me. I was getting ready to leave and go home at 1:30ish and he wouldn't let go of me and kept asking me to stay the night. I ended up staying the night mostly because I was too tired to drive the 40 minutes home. He kept waking up and kissing me all night and when I went to leave this morning he said please tell me I get to see you again. So I told him to call me when he has time. I still don't know what to think. It really bugs me that his ex is texting him all the time, I saw his sent messages and there are very few to her, almost all of them are to me and his best friend, so that's a good thing.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 It seems like he is trying to communicate honestly and make amends for saying that stuff about not wanting a relationship. Sometimes people do freak out and have a momentary lapse of reason. The important thing (for him) to learn is to keep your mouth shut unless you really want out. Honestly is good, but every thought does not need to be shared. I mean, look at how this has played out. He spoke too quickly due to freaking out, and now he's back pedaling as fast as he can to convince you he was just freaking out! Anyway, things will probably be okay, but keep your eyes open just in case. Sometimes a minor "freak out" is fleeting, and other times it sets the tone for lots more of the same.
Pyro Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 He text me yesterday at 3ish saying he was working on his car and it was taking longer than he expected and that he'd call when he was done, he said he was texting me so I wouldn't think he was ignoring me. He called at 7 and asked if I would come over and he would make me dinner, so I did. Basically it came down to a bunch of things that have made him freak out... his brother is getting divorced after a 2 year marriage, his best friend said that he thought that he would end up marrying me, and his ex keeps texting him telling him how much she still loves him. He said all of it was freaking him out. He said he knows that my worse fear is getting cheated on and told me that I have nothing to worry about as far as his ex goes. He kept saying that he didn't want to lose me. I was getting ready to leave and go home at 1:30ish and he wouldn't let go of me and kept asking me to stay the night. I ended up staying the night mostly because I was too tired to drive the 40 minutes home. He kept waking up and kissing me all night and when I went to leave this morning he said please tell me I get to see you again. So I told him to call me when he has time. I still don't know what to think. It really bugs me that his ex is texting him all the time, I saw his sent messages and there are very few to her, almost all of them are to me and his best friend, so that's a good thing. Damn. DDL wrote it out better then I could ever think of. I just want to add a few things: -he needs to stand up and tell his ex to cool it on the texting, or quit all together. If she is texting him constantly like you say so, she wants more then just a friendship with him and IMO that is disrespectful to you for him to let this continually go on. -Continue to keep your ears and eyes open. To me, it still sounds like there may be a tad bit of commitment phobia in there. Just make sure his actions match his words.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 -he needs to stand up and tell his ex to cool it on the texting, or quit all together. If she is texting him constantly like you say so, she wants more then just a friendship with him and IMO that is disrespectful to you for him to let this continually go on. Yes, the ex needs to quit. He has been with you for 6 months, not 6 weeks, and she needs to get over him. If she wants him back she should have acted long ago, and given up by now if she has been doing this all along. Now I know he can't control what she does, but I hope he has discouraged her at least. I had a crazy ex that continued on for over a year, but there was no doubt that I did all I could to make him stop, including moving, getting a new cell no., and obtaining a restraining order. If he doesn't do anything to make her go away, I would be concerned that maybe he still has residual feelings for her, too and doesn't want to totally let her go. I'm all about respect, and showing respect. You demand it, and people give it to you. I'm learning not to sell myself short.
Pyro Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Yes, the ex needs to quit. He has been with you for 6 months, not 6 weeks, and she needs to get over him. If she wants him back she should have acted long ago, and given up by now if she has been doing this all along. Now I know he can't control what she does, but I hope he has discouraged her at least. I had a crazy ex that continued on for over a year, but there was no doubt that I did all I could to make him stop, including moving, getting a new cell no., and obtaining a restraining order. If he doesn't do anything to make her go away, I would be concerned that maybe he still has residual feelings for her, too and doesn't want to totally let her go. I'm all about respect, and showing respect. You demand it, and people give it to you. I'm learning not to sell myself short. The ex hangs out in their circle of friends, but she needs to stop with the texting.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 The ex hangs out in their circle of friends, but she needs to stop with the texting. Oh yes, I remember now. It's my personal belief that an ex within the circle of friends is nothing but bad news in almost any case. Most people are not able to separate the "we" from the "me" and "you" for quite awhile after breaking up. It often takes years to be able to truly be friends with no hidden agenda. Be careful concerning this aspect in particular, Shoegirl. It bothers me and makes me skeptical in general. Two's company, but three's a crowd. Specifically in relationships.
Pyro Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Oh yes, I remember now. It's my personal belief that an ex within the circle of friends is nothing but bad news in almost any case. Most people are not able to separate the "we" from the "me" and "you" for quite awhile after breaking up. It often takes years to be able to truly be friends with no hidden agenda. Be careful concerning this aspect in particular, Shoegirl. It bothers me and makes me skeptical in general. Two's company, but three's a crowd. Specifically in relationships. Speaking from personal experience on this matter, yes you are very correct.
Author ShoeGirl Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 It seems like he is trying to communicate honestly and make amends for saying that stuff about not wanting a relationship. Sometimes people do freak out and have a momentary lapse of reason. The important thing (for him) to learn is to keep your mouth shut unless you really want out. Honestly is good, but every thought does not need to be shared. I mean, look at how this has played out. He spoke too quickly due to freaking out, and now he's back pedaling as fast as he can to convince you he was just freaking out! Anyway, things will probably be okay, but keep your eyes open just in case. Sometimes a minor "freak out" is fleeting, and other times it sets the tone for lots more of the same. I know he is trying to be honest, he has had a problem being honest in past relationships so it's good to know he is being honest with me. I hope this doesn't keep happening, I might start freaking out myself if it does Damn. DDL wrote it out better then I could ever think of. I just want to add a few things: -he needs to stand up and tell his ex to cool it on the texting, or quit all together. If she is texting him constantly like you say so, she wants more then just a friendship with him and IMO that is disrespectful to you for him to let this continually go on. -Continue to keep your ears and eyes open. To me, it still sounds like there may be a tad bit of commitment phobia in there. Just make sure his actions match his words. I can guarantee that his ex wants him back, she knows that she messed up letting him go. I am willing to bet that she heard how much money he is making at his new job because that's about when she got a lot more aggressive in contacting him. I have heard him tell her to stop texting, but she seems to think that she can get him back if she keeps bugging him. He hasn't been too harsh with her probably because he is too nice and doesn't like hurting his exes more than he has to. Yes, the ex needs to quit. He has been with you for 6 months, not 6 weeks, and she needs to get over him. If she wants him back she should have acted long ago, and given up by now if she has been doing this all along. Now I know he can't control what she does, but I hope he has discouraged her at least. I had a crazy ex that continued on for over a year, but there was no doubt that I did all I could to make him stop, including moving, getting a new cell no., and obtaining a restraining order. If he doesn't do anything to make her go away, I would be concerned that maybe he still has residual feelings for her, too and doesn't want to totally let her go. I'm all about respect, and showing respect. You demand it, and people give it to you. I'm learning not to sell myself short. I doubt he still has feelings for her after everything that happened during the last 6 months they were together (I know about all of it because we were assigned to a group project at school together)
Author ShoeGirl Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Oh yes, I remember now. It's my personal belief that an ex within the circle of friends is nothing but bad news in almost any case. Most people are not able to separate the "we" from the "me" and "you" for quite awhile after breaking up. It often takes years to be able to truly be friends with no hidden agenda. Be careful concerning this aspect in particular, Shoegirl. It bothers me and makes me skeptical in general. Two's company, but three's a crowd. Specifically in relationships. Most of his friends are tired of her being around, but a few of them want to keep using her to get free beer (she works for a brewery here) so they keep her around. If it weren't for her job I doubt she would be around.
Pyro Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Well if you are ok with the ex hanging out and texting him, then so be it. IMO, your BF needs to get tough with her and tell her to lay off on the texting.
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