WhiteKnight Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Hey everyone I have a problem amongst many friends of mine who are friends with a person that I am close to. I will address her as Mrs B (or her nickname Cel). 3 years ago, somewhere in Melbourne, Australia when I first met her online was through a Star Wars chatroom, feel in love, proposed to marry her but found out she was married and broke up. Tried to remain as friends ever since. I ended up with the silent treatment of not giving her my new contact details (i.e. mobile phone or home address) to hope she would lose track of me. Kinda work to a point though. Anyhow the problem recently is this, as a friend of hers I know I have been far worser things with her about how badly I was hurt and how much hatred I have on her. Nor how much I trust her anyway. Except with the recent news I heard from the 'Internet' in general, several forum community and fansites that I go to spreading huge amount of rampant rumours about her cheating on her husband 'again' behind his back. So I am left with a repitive story of her repeating the same phase of her doing it behind her husbands back that she did with me, one of my American friends who plays Jedi Academy online and perhaps a few others. The thing is though that my friend who plays Jedi Academy told me he was did not agree with our ex for cheating her husband again so she went ahead and did it online with this guy from a roleplaying community. So after tracking her down and seeing it for myself with my own eyes I can see a pattern. This is the pattern... "Whenever she meets someone online and loves roleplaying, loves a certain thing like Star Wars, Sci-Fi or FPS (first person-shooter) games. Somehow she has an attraction towards one person, roleplays with them online behind the husbands back and marries their roleplay characterm, has a family but at the same time falls in love with the person online. Makes promises to the person who she fell in love with that she would make love to them, and leave the husband..." However all the people who I have spoken to online informed me that she said to them "...I would leave my husband for this guy..." but all of us roll our eyes and think she is given us nonsense just to please us. She did this with me, did this with my friend from the US and has been doing it with another person who she found online but is still attached to him (currently). As a friend of hers and ex, I am very disappointed about her. I am disappointed to the point that she is cheating on her husband again, I know she does have marriage problems but lies to me as if there are not any. So here I am wondering she has done such a bad influence to everyone, she lied to a lot of people that she has changed but in truth she is acting like a I dunno what's the word for it, but you get what I mean. I mean, if you are unhappy with a marriage and tried to work things out with the husband. The husband had been happy to listen and work things out, they comprimise but she goes online over the Internet and does it again? What the heck? She's contradicting and lying to everyone. I hurt her once by telling the husband she was 'cheating' online, gave hints to the husband's close friends who dropped the hint to him which sorta got the ex who I was involved with, all tensed up. Then the husband casted me out, and she wants me as her friend because she is currently with the husband still. I am startled. What kind of mind game is this? How do you coupe with a person like that? Recently, I put on one of my instant messenging programs and sent a massive email to a lot of people online explaining that if anyone lied to me, the friendship would be over because it would be treated as an unforgivenable reason. Any suggestions?
Lee725 Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 I really believe that because you are no longer "with" her, you tried hard to ensure that she could not longer physically contact you - other than online - you even went to the extent of deliberately hurting her (your words), & this has nothing really to do with you (the fact you are an X is irrespective), you really should not be interferring. This is her life and her choices. She has a right to make them as she pleases and NO one has the right to tell her otherwise, especially someone who is not in a relationship with her. Perhaps she has no interest at all in being friends with you? except you seem to go out of the way to make her life difficult when she implies this. This may sound cold and harsh & i by no means say it in the form of a personal attack, but you do need to be realistic about this.
Author WhiteKnight Posted January 19, 2008 Author Posted January 19, 2008 (edited) No offence taken mate. But you are right about a few things. She does have a right to make a decision and make her own mistakes. I've been there for her in terms of helping her out but when she disappointed me down the second time she did it, that's when I started to 'pull away' from her and cut ties slowly bit by bit. The reasons for why I did it, was because I told her in the end I could not trust in the words she told me. Even through a voice chat it did not convince me either. So I told her the truth that I am unsure about the friendship with her nowadays but never said I would give my contact details later on or anything like that. She asked for it but I ignored the request and chatted onto something else. The thing is nearly everyone on the community forums that my friends go to said its 'Wrong' on what she is doing. Fair enough. I told my friends I felt the same way but I just in the end said that I am disappointed on how and why she lied to many people and hurt them as well. Realistically no one can help her, because I know I tried. I know my friends tried too so we go and say... "Go ahead and do it, continue hurting everyone that you meet. Prove to us we are wrong and never come back and apologise because what you are doing is unforgiveable. " I have been praying for her hoping her marriage would work out and her to stop cheating. However to be modest here, she's ruined her own reputation and also affected the business that her and her husband developed together. What a disaster this could have been I think. The best way I managed to coupe so far is to not care about what she does, but in terms if she wants the friendship or not, she wanted a friendship ever since she broke up with me and continued chatting behind the husband's back (which now the husband knows she has been chatting to me, thankfully she was honest), wanted to help me and make my life better but... I managed to do that on my own. Aside from that, I hope she doesn't ruin her life. Edited January 19, 2008 by WhiteKnight
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