screwedup55 Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 I need some advice about what to do. Some history of how our friendship and relationship developed. I meet my ex at regular events we attended. We would strike up a conversation quite often. After a while I asked my ex out and we dated a few times then she told me she was dating someone else and that she is going to go exclusive with him. I don't talk to her after that. I had already had a small Christmas gift shipped to her home before she told me. So the next time I hear from her is a thank you. I say your welcome and that's it. A couple of weeks later, she's like how are you doing, we talk a little bit more here and there and become better friends, and when we have nothing left to talk about I end it with a time of NC. This cycle goes on for a few times until she contacts me and says her ex had just broke up with her and she needed a friend. Well, I support her and we end up talking a lot more and becoming closer friends. Then we start dating and become bf and gf. Later, she breaks up with me and tells me she just wasn't feeling it with me and we agree to stay friends. Not much changes and we still talk a lot. Then her ex comes back into the picture a couple of weeks after we break up and things change. We still talk regularly and still the same way, just not as much or often. I get the feeling she wants to talk to me more often, but I don't know if she is worried about leading me on or she feels wrong talking to me because she is back with her ex or something else. It hurts that we don't talk as often. I still enjoy talking to her and want to still talk to her as much as before. I think she still enjoys talking to me. But I'm still angry, hurt, and sad and need to recover. The problem I have is besides wanting her back is I value our friendship and I feel I would be a bad friend if I ignored her and went NC. It is so not me to be a bad friend. I have done LC by only initiating a few times and just responding most of the times. Plus if I went NC, I think she would initiate. She values our friendship too as she has made the effort to stay in contact both times after we stopped seeing each other. And in my head, yes I know I'm not going to get her back. What do I do? I don't think I can go NC nor would either of us want that. Also, like I said, NC seems to me as being a bad friend. Is there another solution?
Ronni_W Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 , NC seems to me as being a bad friend. Is there another solution? Well, you might want to start really exploring your personal definition of "friendship" and what being a "good friend" means to you. Are you okay with being treated like this? You guys sound more like being in a "codependent cycle" than a meaningful, mutually nurturing relationship. I mean...is it just me, or do you sound like her back-up guy for when there aren't any "better" b/f prospects on her horizon?
Author screwedup55 Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 Thanks R. I know it sounds like I'm her back-up guy, but I can assure you I'm not. The history detail I provided does not cast the best light and there are some details missing. It was one of those you had to be there situations to really understand what happened. I'm not rationalizing that my situation is unique. Every situation is unique even though they may have similarities. I'm not being hard headed and trying to keep an open mind.
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