Having to face facts, and making it livable for myself also

[pietervanzyl]

I will give you a quick background information about what is happening..

I met my wife just about 4 years ago. She was married at that time, and I was the other guy. She really cared for her previous husband, but he was an alcoholic. I think she really just wanted an out or a change from that lifestyle, but she wasn't really looking for anything else.

 

I was young and a bit in love and couldn't care less about the situation. She was 27, I just turned 24. I know I am an adult by then, so when she moved in with me about 3 months later, I really felt a bit trapped. Here I was, just took her from her husband, and she is now living with me. Even if I wanted to I couldn't just tell her to go take a leap into the sea. She was with me, and I actually really liked her and loved her deeply. 4 months after we met, 2 months after she moved in, she fell pregnant, and we got married about 2.5 years ago. now with a daughter of 3.

 

By now most people will say, well, if you look at the past, she will probably go look for someone else. We don't have family in the country, and nobody that can realistically take care of our daughter to help us out now and then. THis caused my wife to be really depressed about her situation and she went looking for somebody on the internet. She has found a guy in the US, she is in australia.

They recently went to germany and france, and I know that they met there and the had sex etc. He is now applying to come to australia. And he is just finishing off his phd. Now I know all the facts. I did a bit of searching to get real evidence. I didn't want to make assumptions, but now I know for a fact that they didn't just meet for a coffee. It was 5 days of full on sex. I got hold of all the gory details. Now my problem is so.

 

I don't want to leave my daughter, but I don't know what to do. Do I stay in this marriage. Do I keep on supporting her while she waits for her guy to turn up?

If I do this, I run the risk that she can just walk over to russia and she will dissappear. I have really stuffed it up.

 

I don't have enough money to support two households, and I don't have enough cash to protect custody for my daughter using the courts. I earn more than the required minimum for assistance, but all my money goes into supporting our family at the moment. If I walk out, I will be financially crippled, and no money to protect my custody of my daughter. How is this fair in any way. Now what can I do?

[disgracian]

Unfortunately it isn't even remotely fair. Divorce settlements and child custody is overwhelmingly biased towards the female. I don't know if her open infidelity and your proof of it will mitigate any of this though.

 

You haven't indicated what her intentions are. Does she want to take you to the cleaners or can you divide up the assets privately? I presume this is the direction things are taking, judging from the tone of your OP.

 

Cheers,

D.

[LakesideDream]

Fair? It sounds completely fair to me! You seduced her away from her first husband.. now someone with more money and education than you has talked her into leaving with him.

 

She's a career shopper, constantly upgrading. This will continue as long as she is attractive enough to pull it off.

 

Next time maybe you will limit your affections to single women, and give yourself a better chance at long term happiness.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Sorry, to hear what you been going through but seriously I want to sympathize with you but your the OM and had the affair with her when she was married the first time. Now she's cheating on you with someone else?

 

It doesnt feel good does it??? It downright sucks huh?

 

If anything you can leave and take your kids with you. Get a lwayer and explain everything but you brought this upon yourself suffice to say

[OpenRoad]

Do you think she'll put up much of a fight for your daughter? Having a child in tow will limit her trade-up prospects, and it sounds like that's her ultimate motive.