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Valentines day coming up...


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Posted

Here's my previous thread and posts concerning my situation.

 

In a nutshell we were having troubles, she had anxiety disorder and I was out of work (for some time), I suggested a break whilst we figure out what we want.

She came back saying she needed more time to sort herself out and that we should end the relationship and be friends until when we're both in better situations.

 

She said she didn't want to date at the moment and if she did it would be me.

 

This was in the start of december basically and we've had a few drinks etc inbetween.

 

Overall we're still very flirty and have fun together but I'm not calling/texting her unless she initiates it.

 

I bumped into her today after not seeing her for just over a week and she was beaming when she spoke to me asking me how my new job is going and how great I look (I've been working out) and that we should get together sometiem in the week.

 

I want to limit contact for now though whilst I'm still sorting out some things even though I do love her and want to be with her I don't want to appear needy, so for now I will make my excuses for not seeing her.

 

What I want to know is, given the situation how should I approach valentines day?

 

Should I send her flowers with an unsigned note?

Do I take this opportunity to ask her out on a date?

 

I'm currently dating and she knows this, she went very quiet when I told her, but I dont feel for the girls I'm dating like I do her so I'm unsure if I should just keep up the "Deserable Ex" thing or take a chance that might well backfire on me?

 

You guys have been really helpful so far I hope you can lend me some more great advice :)

Posted

What are you stressing over? You have no "rules" with your ex about not exchanging gifts.

 

Send her the flowers, choose your own card. This stuff isn't rocket science. Unless you have agreement otherwise you are free to do whatever makes you feel happy.

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Posted

  1. Buying her flowers and other such gifts.
     
    Bribery isn’t going to work when getting your girlfriend back. That’s actually how women interpret it you know. As bribery and they think it’s pathetic. Save the flowers for the relationship; not the breakup.

That's what I'm worried about :)

Posted

Ouch! I never said to "Bribe" your ex.. that thought never entered my mind!

 

I suggested you do what makes YOU happy. Years after my divorce 7 years ago, I accidentially ran across an antique item I knew she had been looking for, and had not found during our 25 year marriage. It was only a few hundred dollars, which was a trivial amount of money for me. I purchased it and mailed it to her... I didn't enclose a letter or card. I just wrote "Enjoy" on the outside of the carton. It made me feel good to do this.

 

Mind you she was already married to and living with the OM. I heard later from my adult children that she appreciated the item, and uses it often. That made me feel good again. I was happy when I found it, happy when I purchased and gifted it, happy again when I found that she could enjoy it. How is that not a positive thing?

Posted

Lakeside, that's the coolest story.



 

And it seems exactly right. Be nice, not needy. Bribery is needy. Just saying you're thinking about her is nice, and honest too.

 

Flowers may seem like bribery if that sort of thing is unusual or a big gesture in her eyes or yours. But if it feels right to you, then do it.

 

At Christmas time I sent my ex a card saying I would always be his friend. I meant it as a friendly gesture, and to make sure, I sent a few other similar cards to good friends.

 

Maybe send her a card that says something about liking and caring about her, then send your mom and your aunts or sisters or whomever nice cards as well.

 

That makes it definitely not bribery.

Posted

Jane, I'm closing in on the big six oh. Just a short while to go. I cherish the oppertunities I get to make myself happy. I'm financially secure enough to leave a big tip occasionally for exceptional service at the local cafe, or to buy a gift for my ex.

 

Business success doesen't make me "happy" any more. I've been at it to long. I gave up on aquiring "stuff" a decade ago. When something brings me joy, I do it for me.

Posted
Ouch! I never said to "Bribe" your ex.. that thought never entered my mind!

 

I suggested you do what makes YOU happy. Years after my divorce 7 years ago, I accidentially ran across an antique item I knew she had been looking for, and had not found during our 25 year marriage. It was only a few hundred dollars, which was a trivial amount of money for me. I purchased it and mailed it to her... I didn't enclose a letter or card. I just wrote "Enjoy" on the outside of the carton. It made me feel good to do this.

 

Mind you she was already married to and living with the OM. I heard later from my adult children that she appreciated the item, and uses it often. That made me feel good again. I was happy when I found it, happy when I purchased and gifted it, happy again when I found that she could enjoy it. How is that not a positive thing?

 

What a thoughtful, sincere gesture.

Posted

I personally think you should do what YOU feel comfortable doing. If you are ready to go on a date with her, then ask her. If you think flowers and a card are appropriate, send those.

 

Bear in mind that by you sending her something, you are essentially telling her that you wish to keep things romantic (or at least attempt to go there at some point)...it is Valentine's Day after all.

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