Author BrianG Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 I became unemployed shortly after the break-up so I understand what you mean. However, there are so many more things i could sell if i needed the money that bad. To have her call 3 months later after the break-up asking if i wanted the ring to sell blows my mind. It was her favorite piece of jewelry and it was a present to her. I also gave her a bunch of tiffanys necklaces and bracelets last year and she did not mention anything about that. That ring holds a special place in my heart and she knows it. I think if it was an engagement ring that would be different in my opinion, but this was a ring i gave her like 2 or 3 years ago. She knew it was special to me and asking me 3 months later if i wanted it back to sell just opened up all the wounds again. I dont think she did it with the intention of hurting me because she is not that type of person, but she had to know that it would upset me.
CalamitousJane Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 That ring holds a special place in my heart and she knows it. Given that, I would guess she was testing to see if she could tell by your reaction how emotionally attached you still are.
vivrantflo Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 Given that, I would guess she was testing to see if she could tell by your reaction how emotionally attached you still are. Exactly... and in my opinion.. thats vindictive.. she dumped him, so she should leave him alone.
CalamitousJane Posted January 20, 2008 Posted January 20, 2008 and in my opinion.. thats vindictive... Or it's regretful, or it's lonely, or it's discovering the grass is less green than she thought. Time will tell, no doubt.
oppath Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 To have her offer the ring back to pawn it, is like being kicked while you're down. How can she be "clueless" to the pain that would cause?? That's so lame. Ok...I agree with Viv too. As a woman I would never be that insensitive. Brian...I am sorry your ex did this to you.It was pretty classless IMO. Adding insult to injury even if it WAS unintentional. Exactly... and in my opinion.. thats vindictive.. she dumped him, so she should leave him alone. I agree it's vindictive and hurtful. But I told my ex four times to not contact me for a couple months, and that I would seek her out if I was healed enough to be friends, and in response she said: I understand. Let me know when you are down for a "friend's with benefits" relationship. Quotation marks her's. I reamed her out for it and she was shocked. She didn't feel like she did anything wrong and I was an ******* for tearing her a new *******. Some people really are clueless when they've broken up with someone how hurtful and confusing it can be to contact the hurt person. They're just trying to be nice! They're just trying to be friends. If someone has never been really hurt themself, they are often clueless. She likely has no idea that asking this would hurt him. She's probably thinking she is helping him. That is purely selfish, as she feels some responsibility for his well-being, but all she really wants to do is feel like she is a good person for helping him somehow. It is selfish. She wants to assuage her guilt and say "look at me, I'm a good person for trying to help someone I once cared about." However, I'm sure she has no idea it would be hurtful. She thinks she is doing a good, helpful thing.
Author BrianG Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 I should probably just let it go regardless of her intentions. I still love the girl more than anything and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her so its just hurts anyways and always will. What are your opinions on being friends with an ex? She was an important person in my life and affected my life in such a deep and profound way. Most of my sadness comes from not only loving her but also knowing that in all likelihood we will never talk again. Its like grieving the death of someone that is still alive and only 30 mins away. I guess those thoughts arent going through her mind as much as mine. My intentions of one day being friends would be to show her the changes I have made in my life and showing her that I can be trusted in the hopes that possibly more could come out of it. Just rambling and wondering if its ever possible to be just friends with an ex. Never happened so far in my life with other exs so I guess that is my answer. I truly love her and just want her to be happy, but at the same time don't want to subject myself to the torture knowing she is with somebody else. I know ignorance is bliss, but is it the best?
jdeedee Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 (edited) I think maintaining a friendship with your ex is fine under two circumstances: 1) You are doing it honestly. Becoming your exes friend in hopes of winning him/her back is unfair to yourself and to your ex. 2) You are truly ready for friendship. This obviously plays off of number 1. If you aren't over your ex than you don't want a friendship, if your ex is over you they will probably be fine being friends but this puts you at uneven levels and leads to a unhappy matrimony of sorts. You two broke up for a reason, it's hard to see these reasons in the aftermath with all the longing, loneliness, love and other l-words. Trying to win her back will more often than not just prolong your healing and coping process. It's ultimately your decision, clinging to the past is so easy sometimes (no harshness intended, I am clinging right now as well). A quote from my friend: Everything I let go of has claw marks on it. Edited January 21, 2008 by jdeedee
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