4givrnt4gtr Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 wow.....i got SERIOUS issues! So, this here post is not really a question per say...or maybe it is seeing as how there are lots of psychs lurking around here. In any case....if you check my posts you would see a theme regarding my SO (even pasts now that i look at it). I have this horrible fear of not being liked/accepted...bassically being rejected. I take all this odd little things like, oh he didnt...i dont know, smile when he opened the door, or, he didnt say "baby" at the end of a sentence..as proof that my boyfriends are losing interest on me, that they dont like me anymore, they are mad at me or something liek that. Ok well i knew that, im insecured, ive been hurt and its hard to let go of those things when it comes to romantic relationships. Im trying to get over it, but its hard (ask my poor boyfriend!) But now....now its getting ridiculous...now its extending to my own BROTHER He is in the Navy, out in deployment, so he write emails once in a while. Today is my bday and he sent me a little bday email. Well, i caught myself thinking "oh he is mad at me, his tone is very cutting, very dry. Why is he mad at me? oh god my brother doesnt like me like he used to!!" (we were very close before he left for the Navy). I mean SERIOUSLY??? wtf is that!! I am doubting my own brother's love towards me!?! I am starting to get scared...does anyone know what in the world is that about???? i mean...eeek!!
Cobra_X30 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 He is in the Navy, out in deployment, so he write emails once in a while. Today is my bday and he sent me a little bday email. Well, i caught myself thinking "oh he is mad at me, his tone is very cutting, very dry. Why is he mad at me? oh god my brother doesnt like me like he used to!!" (we were very close before he left for the Navy). I mean SERIOUSLY??? wtf is that!! I am doubting my own brother's love towards me!?! I am starting to get scared...does anyone know what in the world is that about???? i mean...eeek!! What good traits do you have? What do you find other people value you for?
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 18, 2008 Author Posted January 18, 2008 What good traits do you have? What do you find other people value you for? hm......well, i think i am friendly, smart, a good listener, funny sometimes (although sometimes i wonder if my funny comments are only funny to me), laid back, level headed....well some other things.. Im actually reading a book regarding self esteem that had me list positive attributes i feel i have. Lately I have been painfully aware of how low my self esteem is, and how it is affecting my relationship. Now it seems that is expanding to other areas of my life. (I still cannot believe I am doubting my brother...thats just ridiculous) Im wondering what is triggering all this. I mean i knew i had issues about this before. It was painful to constantly hear from different people in different areas of my life tell me i need to shake off, be more assertive, less timid, etc etc. I would hear it once in a while, and although it sucked, it never seemed to last this long. I think my current relationship is making me see that it IS a big deal. Its ridiculously painful to be in almost constant doubt about your SO's feelings. No matter what they do, nothing can convince you they are for real. Sometimes I feel like i have two people in my head. I like to call them B*chy (my real name) and Logical(my real name). B*chy is always questioning, overanalyzing, setting ridiculous high expectation that even I wouldnt reach, and worst of all, giving up. Logical always wants to slap B*chy. Seriously. She goes over the facts, what is actually happening, and logically sees that B*chy needs to stop or else a good thing is gonna go down the drain. Im actually wondering if I need to go see a psych before I start doubting my own mother's love for me. Good lord.
peace_pipe Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Next time you start to care what some random person thinks... Note to self: FLUCK IT!! Voicing your own opinions is attractive to any decent man! Now don't be a dominatrix or anything... But sometimes you have to step on some toes to accomplish what is best for you. You have to stand for something or you'll fall for everything! The greatest men in history were often hated at the time they lived...
peace_pipe Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Im actually wondering if I need to go see a psych before I start doubting my own mother's love for me. Good lord. Having doubts is part of being human. How those doubts manifest themselves is another area... Consider this: If you never doubted anything, how would you know what you truley believe in? blind faith = another way to say ignorant.
stbx2007 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Take a self-assertiveness class. You could get some perspective from a psychologist. I've found that I had to accept my own opinions, like, dislikes and ideas. We all have two personas (thats why they have those good angels and bad angels on your shoulder cartoons). You've seen them. Sometimes the good angel slaps down the bad one and vice versa. After years of listening to friends tell me about myself I now return the favor. They don't like that. Its fine for them to enlighten me but they don't want me to do it. I've also dropped or limited my contact with some of these "friends". Stop for a moment and think of how much time you're investing in worrying if others like you or love you. Imagine that you could do no wrong. Go with that thought. Do what you want and say what you want (don't be intentionally hurtful though) and they either like it or lump it. Start spending more quality time with and for yourself. You MUST get to the point where you can honestly say that you like you. If you don't why should anyone else. Get a dog too and take care of it.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Insecurity is something a therapist could help you with. But being a therapist and being insecure myself, I know that you are the only one who can really get over your insecurity. Therapy can help you with that, but honestly it's gotta come from within. What I try to do is look at my boyfriend's actions when I feel insecure. Or anyone's actions for that much. It's hard to get over once you've been really hurt. But just remember that your bf is with you because he cares about you! He's chosen to be with you and nobody else, so you should think about when you get insecure. Also look at all the things he does for you to show that he loves you. Insecurity is really hard to deal with I know, but you have to believe that your family and your bf love and want to be around you, so that's saying a lot!
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