niceguy27 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Well, its been 5 months since the split. Ive been LC/NC for quite a while now. Im telling everyone here that the best thing that has helped me out has been the mantra..."me, me, me." Its been all about me lately and it has helped me realize who I am really am and who I really want. Hanging with friends and enjoying life instead of trying to control it was the key to helping me move on. Thank God for that because last night I did something...I txt the ex with "Drinks?". Within 2 mintues she calls me and agrees. Only she wants to come over to my apt to have a beer. She was totally taken aback by the difference in me. Ears pierced, new outfit, hair done differently. She kept commenting on how I looked and how carefree and open I am now. Great feeling. We chatted about small things, laughed, and talked like old friends. Then she said something that shocked the hel out of me. She started telling me that she realizes what we had and how much she thinks of me and how much she misses all the things her and I did together. She wears the diamond ring I got her every day and thinks of me often. WOW! I never thought I would hear that from her. She admitted that she had lots of issues when we were together which caused us to clash and that it wasnt my fault at all why we split. She talked about her intimacy issues with her father and how they were an underlying cause of a lot of her problems. Just now she said, she is confronting those things and that she is no shape to get back together as its not fair for either of us. We played our favorite game of cards and she promised we would finish it later. We hugged and she held on to me for a bit and then left. I can say that by looking at this now, objectively, and on the outside, it was A LOT easier than you would expect. I thought it would be hard and weird but it was just the opposite. We both still have strong feelings for each other and both know that we kind of lost each other while together. I told her that I would never have realized my full potential had we never split. My "stick up my butt" way of living is gone now. I have a lot more self confidence and please myself before others. The inernal growth that Ive done has been exponential to say the least. All in all, I am completely happy moving forward with my life without her. I do have a spot in my heart that will always truly love her. If things (fate) happens to work a particular way and we find each other again, I know that we would BOTH be ready to go at it again. I think love can take many twists and turns through life. It can wane and ebb like the tides but no matter what, I believe that it can never really go away. I plan on always keeping in touch with her. Even if its just to say hi and see how shes doing. Shes special to me and always will be. Sorry, just ranting now.
Confused9 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 I don't know your originaly break up story but I am glad that you had a nice evening with your x. Can I ask...was it a nasty break-up??? I ask because my x has been awful to me after he cheated and I worry that I will never be able to have a friendship with him because of the way he treated me.
SYRACUSE03 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Great job NG27! I am hoping at least for the same results. I am doing the same thing (moving on, bettering myself, etc.) and hopefully one day I go through her mind. Anyway, it's nice to hear and read of a rare situation...they do happen.
Author niceguy27 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Posted January 18, 2008 You can some of my past posts that basically follows what happened right from the beginning to now. I wish it was a nasty breakup but it wasnt. She was forthcoming on just about everything. What has helped us both out was the fact that I left her alone after we split and have gone out and kept busy with myself. We still kept in touch here and there and she cared about me enough to not drag it out. At first things were kind of weird because I was still wrapped up with her but after we have had time apart we can sit and talk with ease. That is becuase (I think) we were both honest about our feelings right from the get go. People will say it on here over and over again about "time" apart. I 100% agree with that now. When you are close with someone for a while, even if time goes by, that person is still special to you regardless. It just depends on how "deep" those feelings run. If you are two completely opposite people, I think it will fade after some time. But if you are "kindred spirits" and flat out just get along, the "sparks" when you see each other will still be there forever. You can probably never have a genuine "friendship" with an ex. Depending on how things end, maybe...And ONLY after you get back to "yourself". Then when you approach each other, your doing it as individuals and not freshly broken up and hurt.
Confused9 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Yeah, you're very right. He was not open and honest with me from the start of the demise of our relationship...so I don't think anything will ever be the same. I don't know. he is far away (moved 1,000 miles away) now anyway so who knows what's going to happen. I believe this man was my soulmate I thought he felt the same.
Always Wrong Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Great story NG27! I like happy endings... and new beginnings, either one in itself is great, but you got both! Excellent!
Meaplus3 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Well, its been 5 months since the split. Ive been LC/NC for quite a while now. Im telling everyone here that the best thing that has helped me out has been the mantra..."me, me, me." Its been all about me lately and it has helped me realize who I am really am and who I really want. Hanging with friends and enjoying life instead of trying to control it was the key to helping me move on. Thank God for that because last night I did something...I txt the ex with "Drinks?". Within 2 mintues she calls me and agrees. Only she wants to come over to my apt to have a beer. She was totally taken aback by the difference in me. Ears pierced, new outfit, hair done differently. She kept commenting on how I looked and how carefree and open I am now. Great feeling. We chatted about small things, laughed, and talked like old friends. Then she said something that shocked the hel out of me. She started telling me that she realizes what we had and how much she thinks of me and how much she misses all the things her and I did together. She wears the diamond ring I got her every day and thinks of me often. WOW! I never thought I would hear that from her. She admitted that she had lots of issues when we were together which caused us to clash and that it wasnt my fault at all why we split. She talked about her intimacy issues with her father and how they were an underlying cause of a lot of her problems. Just now she said, she is confronting those things and that she is no shape to get back together as its not fair for either of us. We played our favorite game of cards and she promised we would finish it later. We hugged and she held on to me for a bit and then left. I can say that by looking at this now, objectively, and on the outside, it was A LOT easier than you would expect. I thought it would be hard and weird but it was just the opposite. We both still have strong feelings for each other and both know that we kind of lost each other while together. I told her that I would never have realized my full potential had we never split. My "stick up my butt" way of living is gone now. I have a lot more self confidence and please myself before others. The inernal growth that Ive done has been exponential to say the least. All in all, I am completely happy moving forward with my life without her. I do have a spot in my heart that will always truly love her. If things (fate) happens to work a particular way and we find each other again, I know that we would BOTH be ready to go at it again. I think love can take many twists and turns through life. It can wane and ebb like the tides but no matter what, I believe that it can never really go away. I plan on always keeping in touch with her. Even if its just to say hi and see how shes doing. Shes special to me and always will be. Sorry, just ranting now. I think it's great that your taking care of yourself here, sometimes you just need to do that. Sound's to me like the x has a special pace in your heart, and there's nothing wrong with that! Best Wishes to you. AP:)
Author niceguy27 Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 so the day after we met up I get a phone call from her. She was across the street where I work with a girl friend of hers and they were having drinks. She called acting all happy and nice and asked me what I was doing. I was at the bar having a beer with a buddy waiting for some friends to show up because we were leaving town for a few days. I told her I was out and about and she responded by saying her and her friend were across where I work and since it was close to closing time she wondered if I wanted to come hang out with them for a bit then maybe go to a movie with them. I politely declined saying I was busy and had other plans. She chatted a minute or two about this movie and then I let her go. Is that ironic that a day after she sees me and we had hung out that she calls to see if I want to hang with her? Now when she came over the other night she kind of laughed and said NOBODY knows Im over here. Haha. So she must of have said something to her friend about me otherwise why would she be comfortable having me around her? Oh the joys of post breakups. I havent talked to her since then but it has my curiosity peaked a little. I have changed quite a bit since our split and it was obvious to her when we saw each other. Im back to being carefree and laid back BUT with the added bonus of having broke old habits that were holding me back from my full potential. Im not dwelling on anything just throwing questions out here. Does that have her curiosity peaked a little? She made numerous comments about me going out all the time and my change in appearance. Will she start to wonder a bit more about what I am doing now? Like I said, Im just bouncing thoughts around here. It had me thinking for a bit about her but in no way has it caused me to take any steps back.
CalamitousJane Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Niceguy, you are my hero. I am working like crazy to get to a place where calls from him aren't a priority. I think, deep down inside, people that have the capacity to love us want and need our hearts to be free, not tied up with them. Does that make sense?
CalamitousJane Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Oh, to answer your question, I think she's crazy curious right now. I know I would be.
NiceGirlcomeslast Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Wow, your story is the kind of story that I come on here to find! You are an inspiration, and have stopped me wanting to pick up the phone. You are absolutely my break up role model. Good luck with everything, it's so nice to know that working on yourself does work because you seem geniunely happy to live with or without her.
Jmina Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Isnt it funny how tables turn! i don't think my story will turn like that. It must be nice just to have that again - friendlyness between each other. i left my ex for about 7 months, and it still wasnt long enough! i know that she blocks a lot and becomes numb though. This young girl has a long way to go and i really do wish her that she can find what i have found. so what does she think of me now? 'nothing' lol it doesnt suprise me that she feels nothing towards me or what happened. It's like this girl doesn't feel. It's too hard for her... when it was all fresh and new she was angry and didnt want a bar of anything,(she was the one who broke up with me, i shouldve been the one who was angry) then she miraculously got over it... but couldnt forgive me, now she feels nothing. people tell me that she has moved on but truly i dont think she has. She is pushing it away and is trying to move on. It won't work. I find myself to be a bit well, weak compared to how i went about things before. I don't mind though, i didnt do this before, i didnt talk about her like this. Jmina (sorry about all that i didnt plan to write that much!)
Author niceguy27 Posted January 21, 2008 Author Posted January 21, 2008 so what does she think of me now? 'nothing' lol it doesnt suprise me that she feels nothing towards me or what happened. It's like this girl doesn't feel. It's too hard for her... I felt the same way for a while about her. She was so cold and distant. It was like she had become a totally different person after we split. I told myself that that was her way of dealing with her emotions. Some people handle it in really odd ways and that is a side of them you dont see becuase it only comes out during times like this. You know her probably better than anyone else and are most likely right on with your observations. I was so devastated when we split...but slowly after time I was able to look back and see it from a different perspective. I pretty much stopped contact after I caught myself bringing things up EVERY time we talked. Eventually I was left empty inside and was tired of fooling myself. So I quit most contact. Found a close friend to hang with (an attractive one at that) and kept myself busy busy going out. Now that I am coming in for a landing, I can approach the next steps with a little more clarity.
Jmina Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 yeah, this is the topic i have least clarity on. I feel better with the thought that she has blocked it, and that is why she isnt feeling anything because it means there might still be something there. when really she may have dealt with everything and genuinely feels nothing towards me anymore. i find that hard to believe when we were so close though. who knows... and really it doesnt matter does it. but apparently i have to talk about it. the irrational part of me, maybe its my heart i don't know - whatever it is tells me that one day she is going to think of me again and deal with things that she hadnt done before and as crazy as it sounds i think she will be back someday.
flosslight Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 I'm really glad that you posted niceguy27. I was having a really hard day yesterday and I popped onto LS and the first post I read was yours. It gives me hope. I'm only at the 2 month mark, but it is nice to know that in 5 months it will be better. I'm glad that you have found happiness.
Author niceguy27 Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 I think it is completely fine to leave the doors open for them. I care for my ex so much and she cares for me, there is no reason for us not to have a second shot. Not right now mind you, but I am not closed off to the idea of it. I think that fate plays some part in finding true love but I also think that we as people have to make an honest effort to open ourselves up in the right ways. Its no good if you fall into the same self destructive habits with another S.O. over and over but yet expect to find "true love" doing that. The hardest thing to do is to reach a point where all the past feelings drop off and your left with seeing if you really loved someone or if they were just a passing moment in your life. I look back now and I truly loved her. We loved each others company so much and she saw a side of me that only a few people see. My true self. She accepted me for who I was and I for her. First time I have had that deep of a connection with someone. So I think of that when I think of her. If God has plans for us to be together, then so be it. But if he brought us together for the sole reason of me finding my true self then you know what??? Its a win-win situation. THAT keeps me going.
Recommended Posts