Confused9 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Oh yeah, what they deserve isn't legal. But, a good old fashioned tar-and-feathering and a large A branded on the forehead would warm the heart, wouldn't it? There was a time when folks knew how to properly deal with scum. I still haven't gotten to the point of being angry at him and wanting him to 'get his'. I say things but don't mean them. I still love him. I still want him back. It's been almost 4 months, and he has been nothing but cruel. But, I still want him and I am not angry. Will the anger ever come? They say once it comes...you are almost to the point of being over it. I want to be angry, dammit.
BetrayedMM Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 They say once it comes...you are almost to the point of being over it. I want to be angry, dammit. Not true. There is no particular order for the emotions in the grieving process. For me, the anger was immediate, and simultaneous with other unpleasant emotions. I have never exactly stopped being angry. More, less, but it's always there. I can control it, but it's constant. Maybe it's just a man thing, but I think really it's because she did this to me before, because last time I was much less angry.
feelingtorn Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 depends on the cheater. I feel very fortunate that I was able to get out of A without hurting anybody. My H does not know about my A, so he is not hurting. OM has not contacted ever since I emailed my good-bye note. Thinking back, I really think he used me. I should have seen his true side, but was blinded by all the highs you get when you first go out with a new person. I learned my lesson and promised myself that I would NEVER make the same mistake. I've realized how important my H is to me, and A really brought out all the emotions that I felt for him at the beginning of our courtship. I am also now much better at communicating my needs and feelings with my H, and so is he.
Confused9 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 Not true. There is no particular order for the emotions in the grieving process. For me, the anger was immediate, and simultaneous with other unpleasant emotions. I have never exactly stopped being angry. More, less, but it's always there. I can control it, but it's constant. Maybe it's just a man thing, but I think really it's because she did this to me before, because last time I was much less angry. The funny thing is is that when we speak which is very seldom he is the one that is angry. I am the one that is sad. It's almost like he hates me. I can't understand it at all. It's bewildering. How can he be so angry at me for a mistake he made? He's the one that is in love with OW (or so he says). He is the one who moved on so fast and left me with no warning. How is he angry and I still love him to death? After all this.
Confused9 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 depends on the cheater. I feel very fortunate that I was able to get out of A without hurting anybody. My H does not know about my A, so he is not hurting. OM has not contacted ever since I emailed my good-bye note. Thinking back, I really think he used me. I should have seen his true side, but was blinded by all the highs you get when you first go out with a new person. I learned my lesson and promised myself that I would NEVER make the same mistake. I've realized how important my H is to me, and A really brought out all the emotions that I felt for him at the beginning of our courtship. I am also now much better at communicating my needs and feelings with my H, and so is he. Just be careful FT... The guilt may set in. You must feel awful for cheating...doesn't that make you want to come clean? (Not trying to upset you...just asking you to ask yourself)
the_dean Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Wow. A lot of you guys are really bitter and want anyone who has been cheated to be thrown under the truck. I really think committing bitter acts to harm your spouse is not much worse than what they did. Two wrongs do not make a right. Also, I have noticed very stereotypical remarks in these forums with comments "Once a Cheater, Always a cheater." Such statements are useless because we dont know the whole situation. I am not codoning cheating but I am condoing being a reasonable human being. I do understand why you guys would want revenge but I dont think it would ultimately make you feel better in the long run. I do NOT believe in Karma myself. However, I do belive all actions have consequences which can be good, bad, or indifferent. If your spouse continue to cheat on you then you need to file for divorce if you cannot reconsile the marriage. I am going though the decision myself as to whether not cheat again and stay marrried or to get a divorce. Dean
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Cheating is a form of mental and emotional abuse. The ramifications from cheating are best left to the individual spouses in question. If you choose to cheat again, you might find out what those ramifications are. I wouldn't recommend cheating to anyone. Not only do you cheat on your spouse, you also cheat on your children and the rest of your family. When you're caught, it will rip apart the fibre of your comfortable living style and the fabric of the emotional and mental well-being of your children. There are enough members on LS, who've been witness to parents cheating and are still emotionally messed up because of it.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Except that the question wasn't: Do you recommend cheating? It was do you think that cheater's ever get a happy ending? BS's don't want to believe that something they were so hurt by would turn out good for someone else...It is unfathomable for many of them...It does not give them the justice or vengeance they feel entitled to... But I do not believe that a cheater is doomed for the rest of their life...They need only learn and repent...Everyone makes mistakes...Only some of them are more costly than others...
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Okay... Recouching of my response. Do cheaters ever have a happy ending? Response: How can you be happy if you're a remorseless liar and cheater? On the other hand, if you're remorseful and make restitution to your loved ones, perhaps there's hope for you in the future. Also, make certain you fix what's broken inside of you or you'll find your actions will repeat, when times get tough with a new love.
Trecherized Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Cheating is a form of mental and emotional abuse. The ramifications from cheating are best left to the individual spouses in question. If you choose to cheat again, you might find out what those ramifications are. I wouldn't recommend cheating to anyone. Not only do you cheat on your spouse, you also cheat on your children and the rest of your family. When you're caught, it will rip apart the fibre of your comfortable living style and the fabric of the emotional and mental well-being of your children. There are enough members on LS, who've been witness to parents cheating and are still emotionally messed up because of it. My ex's mom went through the same thing. She's so messed up that she even did it to me. Save the innocent ones from all the pain and suffering.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Except that the question wasn't: Do you recommend cheating? It was do you think that cheater's ever get a happy ending? BS's don't want to believe that something they were so hurt by would turn out good for someone else...It is unfathomable for many of them...It does not give them the justice or vengeance they feel entitled to... But I do not believe that a cheater is doomed for the rest of their life...They need only learn and repent...Everyone makes mistakes...Only some of them are more costly than others... Cheating is a choice..... Never forget that!
OWoman Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 When you're caught, it will rip apart the fibre of your comfortable living style and the fabric of the emotional and mental well-being of your children. There are enough members on LS, who've been witness to parents cheating and are still emotionally messed up because of it. That's not always the case. My father's A was the best thing that happened to us kids - it gave him a glimmer of happiness in his miserable existence (he's of the generation that believed in "staying for the kids", and only split with my mother once the kids had left home) and made him more accessible to us than he was before when he was simply wallowing in the depths of his depression from his unhappy M. My mother simply wallowed - if she'd had an A perhaps her life may have been happier too, and we may have had two happier parents? Since the split, my father and his OW have been together, very happy and completely in love, and have been the grandparents all the grandkids have chosen to spend most time with because of that. It's certainly had a happy ending for both him and his OW (now wife) as well as us kids and our kids. Even my mother has benefitted as it ended the travesty that was their marriage. Living on her own enabled her to be a lot happier than she ever was even during the best times of her marriage.
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 That's not always the case. My father's A was the best thing that happened to us kids - it gave him a glimmer of happiness in his miserable existence (he's of the generation that believed in "staying for the kids", and only split with my mother once the kids had left home) and made him more accessible to us than he was before when he was simply wallowing in the depths of his depression from his unhappy M. My mother simply wallowed - if she'd had an A perhaps her life may have been happier too, and we may have had two happier parents? Since the split, my father and his OW have been together, very happy and completely in love, and have been the grandparents all the grandkids have chosen to spend most time with because of that. It's certainly had a happy ending for both him and his OW (now wife) as well as us kids and our kids. Even my mother has benefitted as it ended the travesty that was their marriage. Living on her own enabled her to be a lot happier than she ever was even during the best times of her marriage. Do you consider yourself and your family's situation, the normal way an affair affects a family?
OWoman Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 Do you consider yourself and your family's situation, the normal way an affair affects a family? I don't think there's any such thing as "normal" when it comes to these things. It depends on so many factors. I've seen the whole range, from CS that withdraw from the family to CS that over compensate, spending far more quality time with the family than ever before. People are different, situations are different. I'm very wary of ANY generalisations whichever way.
Trialbyfire Posted January 19, 2008 Posted January 19, 2008 I don't think there's any such thing as "normal" when it comes to these things. It depends on so many factors. I've seen the whole range, from CS that withdraw from the family to CS that over compensate, spending far more quality time with the family than ever before. People are different, situations are different. I'm very wary of ANY generalisations whichever way. I agree that it's impossible to generalize anything in life but we're talking about the law of averages. Do you feel on average, the impact that an affair has, is emotionally healthy for the children?
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