NiceGirlcomeslast Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 I want to scream that I can't do this anymore, I can't! I can't sit here knowing he is out there living his life without me, missing me (he says), loving me (he says) but not wanting to be with me. Holding me all night, making love to me, kissing me all night and then in the morning getting up and saying good bye and meaning it and thinking its the best thing. I can't cry all day every day, I can't think about him constantly, checking his facebook 10 times a day keeping my phone with me at all times uncase he buckles and calls. The thing is I can't do it anymore but I don't have any choice, I can't snap my fingers and be over him, but I don't know if i can survive this. I am a "sensible", "normal", "well rounded" person, I have never been in love before, I am not even sure I am in love this time (the fear of getting hurt always kept me a little guarded), but I don't want this to ruin my life. I am scared that I will never be the same again.
jdeedee Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 How long has it been since the breakup? Most people around here would recommend you delete him from your Facebook, phone, emails, instant messengers, etc. I can't recommend this with a good heart because I haven't had the strength or desire to do so myself. I can, however, recommend that you cut off all contact with him. Don't text him, message him, call him. You need to put yourself first. The best and only advice I can give you is to take things day by day and focus on yourself. Now is the time for you to grow as an individual. Do things that you have always wanted to do. Find a club, hobby, go out, exercise, eat well and take things slow. If you're hurting post here, someone will be sure to listen and support you.
Author NiceGirlcomeslast Posted January 18, 2008 Author Posted January 18, 2008 I know that looking at his facebook is hard, but not looking would be harder. We broke up 6 weeks ago, but after a week we decided to try friendship (the kind where you text, email and chat everyday) then a week after that we decided to try more friendship (you know the kind with benefits), then a week after that he asked me to go away with him.... he never explained as what. Considering our entire relationship was this whole "not going to define it" "hanging out" "see how it goes" thing where I didn't know that we were in a relationship until he told me he couldn't be in a relationship and I said "we aren't in a relationship" and he said "no not anymore". So friends with benefits and international travel was basically us being together it was too confusing so on tuesday he said he loved me but couldn't be happy with me and said we should not be friends. He seems to think that I will meet some guy and be happy, he doesn't understand that he made me happy. I know I should work on myself but it's bloody hard to go to the gym when you wake up crying. Monday is a new week, this weekend is for wallowing and then the new life begins. Thank you so much JDD, I have read lots of your posts and they have really helped as has this post.
jdeedee Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 I'm glad to know I can be of help. Just to show you we're all in the same boat, my ex girlfriend just updated her facebook and it is tearing me apart. Believe me I can relate to all the crying, depression, etc. I have plans for the weekend to go to a show, and enjoy myself and I am really forcing to go. I'd much rather sit home and be sad about not spending the weekend with her on her birthday but I know I have to go out. School starts in less than 5 days. I cut my hair, I'm trying to make myself look and feel good because I know that's where to begin. I try to do what is right in this world, and be a good human. All else should fall in line if I keep myself somewhat stable. That doesn't mean I am not on the verge of tears every time I think of her. Also, does he update his facebook? I know I love looking at hers when she isn't updating, but when she changes anything it tears me apart. I have no clue what or how I will cope when she begins dating again.
sedgwick Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 You guys MUST, MUST, MUST stop looking at their facebook pages!!!! I haven't looked at my ex's myspace since the breakup -- in fact, I blocked him. I haven't looked at his website. I threw away all his stuff or donated it to charity. Blocked his phone number and email addresses. I can't imagine if I'd been looking at that stuff the whole time. It would have absolutely killed me and set me back. This is what it's doing to you.
PinkRibbon Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 I agree with segdwick...you have got to find restraint and not look at the facebook or myspace page. That is the same as taking out pictures and mooning over them. My husband left me 3 and a half months ago and has not contacted me and I still want to email, text, beg, cry and plead everyday. But I don't. Save some dignity and do not beg someone who does not care enough about you enough to want to be with you. Keep your head up even though your heart is broken. The person who breaks your heart is not worth having your heart.
Confused9 Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 I look at my x's page and I know it is the worst thing I can do. It really is. I am trying to limit the times I do it becasue like they stated...it is totally a setback.
Always Wrong Posted January 18, 2008 Posted January 18, 2008 (edited) I am a "sensible", "normal", "well rounded" person, I have never been in love before, I am not even sure I am in love this time (the fear of getting hurt always kept me a little guarded), but I don't want this to ruin my life. I am scared that I will never be the same again. NiceGirlcomeslast, You have identified a very important issue... the fact that you have no previous experience to compare your current feelings to. Experience yourself "without" him! Go out! Do something! If you are sensible as you say, then go out on a limb and give yourself a chance... quit giving the jerk an easy booty call! Quit being the nice girl who comes last and be the girl with options! The next time he tries to drop in, tell him your're so dissappointed you can't see him because you have plans! Even if it's a lie! Trust me, if there"s any passion in him, that's the spark that will start the fire. If you don't get anything but an, "ok, maybe next time", then he's just using you. If he want's to know what you're doing or where you're going, that's good, make him squirm! See if he gets jealous! If he loves you, he'll chase you. If he won't chase you, he's just taking advantage of you. Is that really what you want? He's gonna call eventually! Don't be unprepared! Have a story ready and don't be caught off guard! Edited January 18, 2008 by Always Wrong
Author NiceGirlcomeslast Posted January 20, 2008 Author Posted January 20, 2008 You guys are all completely right, I should delete his facebook because it would absolutely kill me if he updated his page or if god forbid he went into a relationship. It's just seeing his face makes me so happy as well as a little sad. It's a complete setback and not the way to go when someone has already told you there is no future but despite the fact that he probably did take advantage a lot and has jerked me about I can't hate him and I can't switch off the other feelings straight away. I have been out every night this weekend and the rest of the time has been just vegging out and relaxing and I feel so much better, we are supposed to be in Dublin together this weekend so it's hard but chin up! I did call him on his playing with my feelings and I don't think he will call me any time soon, and as for passion it doesn't seem to be in his vocab. Well he is going to call on my birthday in 5 months - cause being set back 5 months is just the kind of present a girl needs!! I think I have accepted that sometimes things just don't work out, not because someone cheated or someone didn't like the other person or because you had to move to Alaska, sometimes it's just you aren't meant to be with someone and I am sure one day I will find someone who is ready for me to love him and who will love me back and not say it like it's a dirty word and doesn't feel that they need to be unhappy all the time. Anyway off to the gym tomorrow, no doubt there will be ups and downs along the way so thanks in advance for the advice and thanks for the advice given so far. x
Always Wrong Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Sounds like your spirit is up NiceGirl... Glad to hear it. Your gonna be ok... you have a good attitude! You go girl!
jdeedee Posted January 21, 2008 Posted January 21, 2008 Vegging out is really nice. I have been catching up on television series/movies that I haven't watched in a while. Today is the last day before classes begin so I'm trying to organize my room a bit, clean up, food shopping. Just taking everything in steps and trying to keep myself organized. I have this huge internal debate right now regarding rearranging my room. and I need to buy a vacuum/broom. Haha
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